Invitation Only, with Amilya Antonetti

Amilya marches to the beat of her own drum. She is relentless, it is best to get out of her way and let her do her thing. Amilya shares her story of coming to America at the age of 11, her journey to finding her passion, and her advice to set clear boundaries, and take responsibility. You can create the life you want if you are willing to do your part. 

Highlights:

{01:50} What makes Amilya a Titan?

{21:15} Doing things that might kill you

{28:00} Taking responsibility for your choices. 

{35:36} Living the American dream

{48:24} Creating the life you want

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Amilya Antonetti Bio

Amilya Antonetti is one of the most sought-after Human Behavior and Strategic Advisor experts in the world. She has appeared as a regular business and behavior expert on The Oprah Winfrey Show, The Steve Harvey Show, and Dr. Phil. She has built or advised on over $2 Billion in sales for companies and high-profile clients such as Steve Harvey, Mike Tyson, Listerine Strips, Sharper Image, Cold Stone Creamery, George Foreman, and more.

Her “in the trenches’ experience developing people, deep knowledge in building the value drives in a business, and her Designing Genius systems, programs, and “behavioral toolbox” make her a leading expert on “people problems” that have grown during our Great Resignation and rise of the remote worker. Combining this know-how with her work ethic and her incredible ability to immediately impact one’s mindset makes her an invaluable asset to those who want to succeed in today’s fast, competitive, and “people first” landscape.

Amilya’s vision for a healthier relationship between people and companies has earned her global respect and numerous awards including: The Women’s Economic Forum – ”Women of the Decade 2019 Award” Wells Fargo – “Fastest Under Forty” ”Best Places to Work” (3-time winner) The Kauffman Foundation – Entrepreneur Award. She has grown 7 clients onto Inc’s. 500 list and been nominated twice to Ernst & Young’s “Entrepreneur of The Year”. She has been featured in People Magazine, Time, Forbes, Inc., Smart Money, and Entrepreneur and has been named in “The 55 people you must meet” by Jack Canfield.

Today, Amilya is the CEO and Creator of Designing Genius, a powerful training and SaaS platform that changes the paradigm on how companies, opportunities, and our greatest asset “THE PEOPLE” come together as we answer the call of the Gig Economy.

Welcome the Chief Behavior Officer, as we usher in a new role to the C-Suite. With a powerful focus on developing, retaining, and mentoring Genius for each individual within the organization to their highest and greatest potential. This powerful and key role adds exponential value to any company. Without the ability to see and develop people, there is no business.

Connect with Amilya:

Www. DesigningGenius.com

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Full Transcript

Hey, welcome to our show. I’m Carol Carpenter, and this is my co-host, Travis Johnson.

Hello Travis. 

Hello

And we have a special guest today, and it is Amalija Antonette. Amalija Antonetti, not Amelia Antonette, is one of the world’s most sought-after human behavior and strategic advisor experts, having appeared on Oprah Winfrey, Steve Harvey, and Doctor Phil. 

Today, Amalija is the CEO and creator of the Gene A training and SAS program, or platform, changing the paradigm of how companies, opportunities, and individuals come together.

So, welcome to you.

Thank you. Thank you.

I’m so excited. I’m like, I’m already having fun. I just got here. 

I always say this is a conversation between friends.

People don’t know this, but we do stretch before we start recording. So, we’ve already been laughing for like 10 minutes. We’re like, we better record some of this stuff. We better capture some of this magic before we lose it all.

People get old fashion, and I’m like, I’m not going to pour myself a drink? Yeah, right.

That’s it.

I was just talking. We should have been doing the new show, according to my editor or the Gal in charge of my podcast thing recording and production team. And like, what do you think of the new show? She’s like, “Oh my God, it’s so hilarious. I was a nonprofit architect for so long, and she loved it. It was quality material, but she was like, “This show is ******* funny.

She’s doing the editing she likes. She sent me a picture of the one she spits out. Which, yes, it was.

But that’s the kind of stuff that we bring here, and we bring on bona fide, legitimate Titans like Amaliya, and I want to know, Amaliya, what makes you a Titan?

Do you know what makes me a Titan? I march to the beat of my own drum. I always have. I am relentless. like I am relentless. So, if I decide, you know, when I know you take a vote. But if I decide I’m doing something,

You know, it’s just easier to get out of my way. Right, because I am full speed all the way and just don’t take **** from anybody. And I love it when people go, “Well, you know that that can’t be done.” Well, no. I’m always like, “Oh, you haven’t met me. You haven’t met me. I’m so sorry. Right. I’m like everything you see in my residence, every song, and everything on my resume. Somebody told me it couldn’t be done.

Oh Yep. And have you seen that T-shirt, which I just love? I want to make a tonne of them underestimate me. This will be fun.

Oh, I have that. I have both. I have that one. I have that. It’s on my Instagram. I think that one underestimated me, this is fun, and the other one that I love, I wear it all the time.

“I’m not for everyone.” Oh yeah. I don’t want to be for everyone, right? There’s this whole thing. It kills me when somebody tries to put me in an average group.

Right. 

And I was like, “You do realize that nothing I strive for is average? Nobody I hang around with is average. And so, you’re trying to give me an average mindset that I don’t even subscribe to. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. I don’t use those words. I don’t have that energy. Don’t have those problems that you do. I don’t have any of those things. because they’re not permitted. 

Yeah, right.

I’m wearing the shirt that I just ordered, and I love, love, love it, says I am by invitation only. I’m not talking to you, right? Somebody said to me, “Oh, you know, you must be difficult to date. I’m like, if that’s what you think, you need not apply.

Don’t apply, yes.

Thank you for self-selecting out of the process. 

If this scares you, it gets worse from here.

Think this is bad? Wait till Friday.

Sweet, no, no That’s OK, please just don’t apply because it’s going to

Well, what I love is everybody. We’ve, you know, discussed or had on the podcast one thing in common; they just never felt like they fit in. And this is what I love. The majority of these higher achievers belong to the elite. Don’t think like everybody else.

I used to run Misfit Island when I was in junior high. I saw that one of the first American movies that I saw was the one with, you know, Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer. And they had Misfit Island, and I was like, “Oh my God. That’s me. That is who I am”. And I was like, “I started collecting misfits.” 

I’m like, “because that’s all my friends”. Right. And I was like, “We’re an interesting group, and I love the fact that we’re so interesting. I’ve just collected more and more misfits over the years, and I like our club.

Sure. Yes, I do that. You know, it’s fun, everybody seems unique, and there’s something to learn from everyone you know. Yeah, if you’re average, you know, what are you going to learn from being average?

There isn’t much to help you get ahead.

I would be bored by noon.

Yeah, no. It’s not

I’d be Like, OK, so we’re not going to do this every day, right? Like, this is we’re done now, right? because I can’t take much more. No, no.

I was always telling my kids that when they were trying to fit in when they were younger. Like Dad, I just want to fit in. I was like, look, do you know how dumb the average person is, and then immediately everyone thinks of somebody, right?

Right. 

Right, three and a half billion people are dumber than that dude you just thought of, and you’re worried about what they think they’ve never done. The best thing they can do is put a little thought into their entire life.

Sit up and have a conversation.  I lean in sometimes when I watch. I can’t possibly be right and I’m so.

How? How did you fare? You get through the day.

How did you get to this point? I just want to know how you survived to this point because it scares me to watch some humans. 

Yes, it is amazing. They’ve made it through this many years in life and you’re just like, you know, I think I’m struggling, but ****, I know I’m smarter than you and that scares me that you survived at the same, you know, period, that is. 

Well, I think that thing that, you know, opens my heart up so much. Is it really to let us go? Let go I don’t know what you think you’re holding onto, but it’s so heavy. That’s why you’re not going anywhere. Just let go.

Yeah, but it’s fear. Fear and a limited-belief mindset have you captive. They know they can create their own. barriers that they can’t get through.

Because there is no such thing as fear, That’s a made-up word. Just like the word “failure,” that’s another made-up word. We have a lot of made-up marketing terms, yeah.

By the way, we were born fearless. What happened? Right. So, it always astonishes me when we say we’re fearful of things. By the way, we teach our children to be fearful of things. 

You know, the word has no power unless you feed it. So, I just don’t feed those things. But just when people go, “Oh, whatever,” I’m like, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. It doesn’t exist in my world, right for me. You know, failure is a directional guide; it’s a dead end. 

100%

I just turn around, try another avenue, and mark myself along the way. So don’t you know, I’m going back down the same road I just came down. You know, for me, I don’t attach emotion to all those things. I don’t put emotion where it’s not necessary.

Oh my God, I have seen that. Oh my. I’ve got a couple of guys.

I was in the Navy with them, and something would happen, something, some BS, they got my order wrong, and they would just take it to this whole other level, and you’re like, I’m like “What are you doing?”

You got my order wrong. 

“Whoopty ******* do, man. There’s a reason they’re working. Minimum wage at Taco Bell? Of course, they’re going to get your order wrong.” 

That’s why they work there. But what are you mad about?

You know, when we talk about when I looked behind me, you know, 35 years ago, right when I started all this. Because that’s what’s so fascinating about being a behaviorist: because I’m a mirror, right? So I can immediately mirror someone’s current mental state. And then I asked him, “Is it working for you? 

Is that working for you? 

And if the answer’s no, because you’re all wound up over a Taco Bell order, can I ask you to consider another thing? Another way? Another tool? And that’s the thing: that’s the most fun that I’ve had. We’ve been making these little tools for people for decades, you know.

Now we get to do it in college. I’m so excited about that now. We dropped life skills in college. We’re teaching life skills in college. I know that’s mind-blowing, but it’s not there, so it’s like we kind of need to do that.

It’s pretty pathetic that we don’t have that in college. No, we can’t manage their lives without those skills.

Well, we fought hard. We fought. We fought hard, long and hard to get him back. And so, it only took us, you know, five years to convince them with data analytics that they needed life skills. And now, we’re teaching parenting skills because we’re lacking on that side too, of how to activate and connect. And so, I love teaching parents how to let go of the remote wish I had done when they were younger, but I didn’t, so, I’m going to try to do it now.

And I’m like, I’m just doing it. Left, right. Yeah, here’s what you need, right? So, it’s just, it’s all fascinating.

You can’t make this stuff up in life. It’s fascinating, fascinating what happens.

It is, in fact, true. I love getting to know people and finding out what makes them tick. And why do they do these things? I just love it. It’s like, that’s what you want to do. Tell me, how did you get to that thing? Like, oh, interesting. Is that working for It’s not ha, no? No complete train wreck? Yeah, but you’re going to do it again, yeah. OK, why are you waiting? What are you doing? Without a doubt, you. I know it’s not going to work out the way you wanted to do it.

I mean, this movie I’ve seen. I can tell you how to watch this movie.

It’s going to end. Yeah, yeah. But somehow, they honestly believe that the second or third or fourth time they try it, doing exactly the right thing, it’s going to change. And you’re like, “No, dude.

Like, stop banging your head up against the wall. Let’s just move on. Collect the data, and move on.”

Yeah, we’ve talked about this with red flags in Dating.

My favorite topic. 

I don’t understand why I keep tracking all these losers like, well, hey, how do you? Feel good about yourself. And be when you have had the lesson.

I’m queen, I’m the queen of leaving. I’m the queen of not participating. Right. I don’t. I won’t participate in an argument that’s a waste of energy. And I don’t participate in something that doesn’t feel respectful. Right now, I say I only ask for what I do.

I will never ask you to do or be anything more than I am capable of doing or being because I believe you are a hypocrite. So, I do certain things, and people tell you who they are, and I can’t count how many dates I missed because they were late. 

No, that’s so disrespectful.

My favorite thing? You can’t leave. I’m like, ” Wait a minute. You’re speaking to me. You’re talking to me, right? You’re late, and you’re telling me I can’t leave? Well, I’m watching. I’ve perfected it.

This is what it looks like. 

Because there’s nothing else to say. There’s nothing else to say. We’re not going any further than this.

Well, any relationship, business or personal, even if it’s, you know, in the inception period, you have to have that respect, and that’s the very first thing that needs to come.

Right. For *****’s sake,

There’s an enormous, like, my favorite thing, right? I had, uh, I can’t remember. I was talking to Carm, one of the matchmakers, and she was like, OK, well, what about in this scenario? I’m like, here’s how you can handle it. What about this? Here’s how you can handle it. There’s always a way to handle it and still move where you want to go. The problem is that people quit. They quit. If you are old, you know too much, right? I’m like, I can tell you 1000 ways you could be late and still get my attention.

I mean, it’s communication, I mean, and if people don’t know how, communication is the problem.

It’s delivering. It’s the art of delivering the intended message. Right. And so, I make mistakes every day. Every day I make mistakes, but I know what my intention is, and even with a faux pas, I can still master the craft to deliver the intention. So, it’s not like I’ve never been late in my life. I am late, but how do I respond? It allows the other person to still feel seen, heard, recognized, valued, and to take full responsibility on my side to own it. Let them sit with what? Quite rightly so. I disrespected them. And to move through it, well, that’s going to take a little bit of effort.

It’s easier. It’s easier to just walk away. to just walk away. Which is fine because I’m not I. Not for you, anyway.

I can’t put effort into this. Isn’t it 50/50? Each of us is half-assing. It’s going to work out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too. want to? Do you want me to make an effort? Right. Trust me, I’m a woman. This is a lot. This is a lot of work. That’s right. You brushed your teeth. You showed up for coffee.

This requires effort, and so you have to honor it. And I’m, I’m a peacock. So I’m going to fight it all the way. All the way. So, because this is who I am, I don’t do it. I don’t do sloppiness. I don’t do laziness. I don’t undo. I don’t want to go to the airport in weird, ugly pants and slippers.

No, that’s not it. Uh, that’s

Pajamas Kill me. I can’t get over pajama pants. But I’m telling you, people have no respect for how they look or present themselves.

And that may work for them, that may work for them, and they’re looking for somebody that’s on their level, right? I don’t think I just don’t present that way. I don’t come across that way in anything that I do in my life. And that’s what makes me different. No judgment. Yep. But yeah, are pajama pants all you want? Well, yeah, it’s not my thing.

Pajama pants “Loud and proud”

That’s it. I’m from the Italian generation, like off the boat, and we love the presentation, the art form, the seduction, right? I love being a woman. I love being a woman, and I want to present myself.

You have got to give me this space to present myself. You want to be able to talk about masculine and feminine energy. I’ve got a huge, huge abundance of effeminate energy that I love to dance with, but you’ve got to give me space to dance. I’m not dancing in sweatpants.

Hell no.

No, no.  

And that’s a different kind of relationship.

For sure 

There’s a different relationship. I’m like, “Oh cool, now I may. You know, Tommy Johns, if we’re going to do wrestling, I might do that.

It’s your friend. Come on now, you’re not going to put it on. a miniskirt to do that.

Well, I think the male listeners want to know where they can sign up for wrestling with Amalija.

I was on the wrestling team in high school, though.

Yeah, you were a tomboy just like I was.

I was a tomboy.

That’s probably why you feel so strongly connected to your feminine energy. As I got older, that’s what I connected with, but back in the day. I was playing football with the boys; you know, that was just my thing and it never even occurred to me. I’m a girl. 

Well, now I have the practice. So now I have very clear boundaries, guidelines, and practices like I don’t, you know, I cut off at a certain time. I’m and I change into my girly stuff. I have because I like things. You know, silky and lacy and all that kind of stuff.

So, I change, and when I change, I no longer participate in any of those questions. As you know, the data discussion report no You can do that tomorrow morning. Right now, I’m in a different zone, right? And so on in that zone. You know, I love that part of me.

You know, I have my little rituals at night where I connect with myself as a woman. What my definition of a woman is, and I love it. You know, I take a bath and I’ve got powders and lotions and, you know, I figure out what I’m going to wear that night and I’ve got robes that match. And you know, I love all of it. You know, my kids will go. Isn’t that a lot of work? I’m like, it’s all for me.

Oh my God, yes. Of course, it’s

That’s all for me.

It’s a lot of work, but I love it.

Yeah, so yummy for me because I already have to go into the boardroom by day and at night. That’s me.

I was out in the hammock with the moon.

Yeah, just a couple of days ago.

Full moon? Yeah, I had a cocktail laying out on the moon. You know, I had my little black robe hanging out by the moon. It could be me, myself, and the dog. You know, my son. Like, are you OK out there? And I’m like, “Oh, memory, I’m having a girly time. I had my little book. Yeah, you know, it’s just, it was just like, you know, connect, you know, and it was a very feminine thing.

The energy that was going on And I’m like, “Look at that, there we go. Oh, my sisters up there. My sisters are up there, yeah.

Well, don’t get it. I mean, I think the young don’t get it either, because their connection to nature is so different than it used to be.

And I study the laws of nature. You know, and I think that that tempo, that frequency, that understanding of, you know, how the mind works, the body works, and, you know, your inner compass, whatever you want to call it, really needs to be in alignment, you know. And that’s practiced over time.

And I can tell you, in the most unhappy portions of my life, it was because I was out of alignment. That was way out of alignment, though that was not in sync. Or I was trying to let somebody else tell me what they thought was good for me, not what I could feel was good for me, right? So I spent a lot of time getting talked out of what I knew to be true. As a result, you’re-identify what truth is. Your truth is your truth. It’s not my truth, it’s your truth. And I can celebrate your truth and not let it become mine. But I had to learn how to do that because I’m the over-nurtured lover who prefers people-pleasers. Over, over, over, over. And it was just too much. It was just too much. And so, as I turned that inward, then I started to hit my stride. It did take me a minute, though. It did.

It changed everybody.

You weren’t always this performer operating at this high level of success. You mean you had to take steps to get there?

Oh my God, I have fallen and gotten up. I think I might win the award for falling up and bouncing. bouncing If you look at the word bounce in the dictionary, it says bounce Amililiya today.

Oh hey, God, don’t you say it, Travis? Don’t you dare?

“Bounce” is an important word in our show.

Oh man, here we go.

Kangaroo Carol wears kangaroo leather for motorcycle racing. For the bounce, yeah.

So, everything is now about the balance  

I adore First of all, I love the least. I’m a big fan. I used to drive up 91, a custom Harley-Davidson Softail. That was my thing for many bits of many many many runs. I know Sonny Barges, right? I mean, I mean, that was a big part of my alter ego. I had an obsession with leather at one time. I love it. I love the energy that’s in it.

I love how sexy and powerful it can make you feel.

Oh, you know

But this is not the sexy, powerful kind of leather. This is to protect my asking whether you know what he’s talking about.

very important, too.

Wait a minute. Protect your ***, chaps. They’re made of leather and are extremely sexy. This is a full leather suit, head-to-toe kangaroo leather suit, made to order.

He owns a motorcycle racing organization, the Moto Vixens.

That is so yummy. It is so yummy. I love you again and the fact that you’re a woman. Like, that whole thing makes me want to scream. I want and want like I love women in this time where we’re doing things that if I would have said that to my mother. Oh, she would have been like, “Oh, what she would be praying for. A Catholic service would be taking place for me, and I would be looking for six, six, six. And just to make sure you haven’t lost your mind.

My family was against it when I started this. My brother is a stuntman. He’s a stunt rigger and he’s a stuntman too. I said to myself, “I love him, and I know he will. It was out of care and concern, but he said, “Can you not pick something that won’t kill you? And I was like Well, you know if I die, I will die happy.

And that was me. I decided for my 50th I was going to climb Kilimanjaro, and everybody was like, “You’re what? Amelia: It’s like people are having a party. I was like, “No, I’m climbing Kilimanjaro. And I was adamant about doing it without any oxygen.

Oh, I was. I was like, either I can do it or I can’t. Right. There’s no halfway. I either can or I can’t. And it was huge for me. It was me against me.

I met my ego on that mountain. I was like, “Oh, this is this, you know” And so I’m saying to you, my, my, my, again, my brother is a marine. We take these cruises. We look at anything that goes “You could die.” Like with that jump out of a plane. I’m doing that, you know what? Up. If anything, I could die. That’s the first place I’m signing, and then, you know, other women go whale watching.

No, no. I’m not down. That’s too boring for me. But don’t you think there’s something about taking those risks that makes you feel completely alive and there to me? That’s where I want to be. I want to feel, And I want to be passionate about what I want to do because I love what I do. I don’t think you can feel 100% alive until you are kind of on the borderline between life and death.

In my daily practice, I can go back to years that have passed. I make myself highly, highly uncomfortable, very uncomfortable every day to be able to see what’s going on through that, you know.

And it’s interesting to see the pattern of how. The body takes on the form of a front and center when it’s at its height. I was recently in Manhattan. They just did a beautiful job of opening it up down by Uh, down by Gary, it’s the 52nd floor and you do a death drop. 

Holy crap.

Oh, and I was playing with myself, right to see that feeling when you’re on the edge, even though I know I’m harnessed in right? But you know, you lean forward, and you start to feel, well, that same thing. You get that same feeling when you’re making, you know, a larger investment than what you’re comfortable with when you’re, you know, playing in a deal or a mastermind does what and So, you get that saying type of feeling, and that’s what I try to tell people. Don’t let the deal fall through the moment that it has to happen. Be where you are practicing.

I have to say, practice those moments, right? And so, I do something every day that makes me very, very, very uncomfortable so that when I need to be still and powerful in thought during those types of systems that they’ve been practiced.

Yep. And your present?

I’m present, and I can understand. I am showing up to protect myself, and where it is my destiny. What I’m meant to do and what I’m meant to do is not comfortable. That’s not what I’m saying. That’s not why I’m here. As a result, those things must be part of your rituals, and you must be aware of them. And I think everybody is a little bit different, right? 

So, somebody, oh my gosh, I’ve got to get off this ride! The experience is different for every individual. And then it’s about marrying whatever it is I have in my circle. I call it a genius circle, but in my circle, I know some people have more comfort in those white-knuckle areas than I do, and I have people who are hapless depending on the situation and what’s going on in me because I believe in the buddy system. Don’t do anything alone. I always have a buddy

I like the buddy system.

Always have a buddy

Yep, yep, they keep you in check.

Well, and then it gets to be. It’s very intimate. You know, I get to call you and say, “Hey, listen, I respect this incredible skill that you have, and I’m embarking on something that I think is similar, not identical, but comparable. And I would love for you to be my buddy. And here are my expectations of being a buddy. Is there something that you can see that I can’t see? And can we go on this journey for the next four weeks, six weeks, nine weeks, whatever, and now somebody knows that I chose them?

And they’re participating, and I’m paying attention, and you’re important, and I’m going to do something great with it, right as I’m learning, and it builds a type of relationship that most people don’t have.

They live life by default, hoping it works out versus calling and saying “I’m inviting you into this project because I think you’re such a ****** And awesome And I know I can learn something. Will you be my buddy?”

Yep, too many of us are just running on automatic programs. You get up the same way, brush your teeth the same way, have breakfast the same way, go to work the same way, and you wonder why nothing exciting ever happens to you. You’re checked out for the whole day.

Autopilot, and then you, and then you’ll blame It’s on a partner that that partner is not emotionally available, or that partner isn’t, you know, making you happy, or that partner isn’t whatever, and you don’t realize that everything that you’re thinking is you are talking to you.

There’s nothing to do with the other person, right? What you think is happening is never what’s happening. And when we start to understand that all of our thoughts are internal dialogues, because you can’t see in anybody what does not exist in you, you’re talking to yourself. You’re bored with yourself. You’re disappointed with yourself, not them. 

It’s a journey.

It’s just a journey, and we just try to learn and be the best version of ourselves that we can be, and understand that, as humans, the requirement for humanity is to grow and learn. And if humanity requires us to grow and learn, that means we must be making mistakes. Celebrate them!

So, I love to call it a somebody moment. I f****ed up and had a distinct impression that I truly owned this. You might want to sit down for this one. I don’t have a gauge for something like that. I either win big or I’ve messed up big.

Yes, I grew up. What’s the last thing you really

Thank God for today.

Or I mean, I think that the last really big thing that I did was go all in. And I dragged my kids along with me, and I was way off the mark. I was way off the mark. And so now I’m owning that, I’m having to step back and go, well, what was I thinking? What was I chasing? What was I trying to do? Was I attempting to construct… you know, what did I do? What did I do wrong? What was the lesson, you know, because if I believe everything happens for a reason and then owning that responsibility that my kids currently have, you know, one is angry, and the other one is hurt? They’re right You’re right. You’re right.

And you should feel that way, but also, I mean, this is the problem we have these days; there’s nobody taking accountability for their actions. It is somebody else’s fault, you know.

Oh, no, it’s all me No, no, it was all me!

No, no. But I don’t. I don’t mean just your situation, but I mean all of me.

Paddle’s right in I was proud of that boat, too.

So, I love to talk to Italians. Everything has a rhythm to it. The hands are everywhere. You are either in the experience or in the boat.

And then, you know, my son is full-grown, right? So, you know, he’s 28, so you know, he sat down and said, “You know, have you considered mom, that, you know, we did talk about this is probably the wrong direction. I’m like, you know, I vaguely remember having that conversation.

Thanks for reminding me. Thank you for that. And yeah, I did it anyway, you know, and so, you know, I have a responsibility to come back to them after I’ve done some self-awareness, right, to come back and go, this is what was going on for me. Is it right that you leave it hanging? This is what was going on for me. 

That doesn’t make it right. or wrong, but this was what was going on. And here’s how I know better going forward, you know? And when I try to teach people how to apologize, what that means is accepting the responsibility, you know, leaning in further acknowledgment. You know how they feel, you know the aftereffects of whatever you’ve done, and then you say, “This is what I’m going to do differently. To understand that that is what they want to see differently, you know? So, when I said to my son, hey, this is what was going on, this is what I’m going to do.

Differently, he was like, “Yeah, they didn’t get to work for me.” I was like, “Oh OK, well, we’re going to keep talking here. What do you want to see? I do what I do differently, right?” Those juicy conversations bond you.

You know what? I agree. We call them fierce conversations. Every so often, you have to have these fierce conversations, and if you can communicate very clearly your intention, right? And the person can communicate as well. It is amazing how much closer you become.

And I believe we are throwing the baby out with the bathwater because It’s easy.

Right. You just throw it out versus when there’s conflict or crisis, you have the invitation to intimacy with whoever’s on the other side because when you move through it, the relationship is so much more like. I don’t understand how people do not understand the theory of seven. I’m like, so you’re going to trade this seven for another seven and start all over again, with the same amount of work, right? You can have the same amount of work, the same amount of effort, and the same amount of success. So instead of just swallowing your ego, which is really What is it? Yeah, you’re working through So you both have more. You’re choosing to just restart again, right? The honeymoon phase is for anything, investment honeymoon, any honeymoon phase is a lie. It’s more.

It’s not real Until you get that first speed bump. Then you’re like, “Oh, now I get to see what’s in here. Oh, this is great. Now I get to write about motorcycle racing in the same way you do. That’s not right, then. But when they put bikes on, you’re like, “Whoa, all right, now I’m in. Right now, I’m in”, right? And so that’s life. That’s life. We want speed bombs. We want, you know, we don’t want brick walls, but we do want speed bumps. We want that little bit, you know?

You have to learn this is a constant. Learning throughout our lifetime

Yeah, I love it when the dots, you know, wear off on the highway because then I get to go, “Is this my lane? Is this your lane?” Like how many? How big is this laid out correctly because of the dots? I’m not there anymore, so I’m a little, you know, I’m a little, yeah.

Oh, this is your lane. OK, get back from here. I’m like, there are no dots, you know? It’s only like there aren’t any dots.

I could picture you talking to the car next to you, “so there are no dots”. And the person is like, “What on earth is she ******* saying? 

Well, in New York, because we put so much salt on the snow, right, the salt eats our dots, so as winter progresses, you know, and it’s that, you know? The snow is coming down and you can’t see, so there are no dots to tell you, this is your lane. You just listen. There are four… This year we’re all going to kind of figure this out. And sometimes four is three and two, and you’re like, oh, that wasn’t even a lane, I’m just driving, you know? 

And so, you know, that’s kind of like life There are no dots. You know, we have to figure out what the dots are and agree with others that these are going to be my dots. And you know, these are my hard lines, so you’ve got to stay on your side, and here are open dots where you can. I’ll kind of come over, but you know, you’ve got to let me know when. You’re coming over. You can’t just, you know. You’ve got to give me a warning. You know that you’re coming over to my side.

I heard a rumor. Then let me know if this is true. They sort of install signal devices that let other people know what you’re trying. I had no idea what to do. You guys know this. Have you seen that? 

I mean, how Is that going to work? How? Are you going to know where I’m going? I don’t know what I’m going to do. How are you going to know what I’m going to do?

Oh my God.

I would say that I am, I am not that predictable so that device will not work well for me because I sometimes do things just for the hell of it. So, there is no way. This is the logical thing to do, and this is what Amelia will do.

No, no, no. No, no. Amelia is always an overgrown child. I’m like a puppy with big feet, so I’m always playing around. So, I’m not going to follow the rules. So, that device is not going to work!

See, see? That’s something I think people lose. Then they get to a place where with a child, all you do is test boundaries. What’s this? What’s this? I don’t know what this is… put it in your mouth.

And somewhere in there, we get told that you can’t test boundaries anymore. You can’t ask. Put your hand down. You can’t ask questions. Where in the hell did, we teach people that if you ask a question, that means you’re stupid?

Yeah, I am.

What was the source of that? I have no idea.

I was the kid in the back seat, you know when your parents said don’t cross that line and I’d be with my brother. I’m not touching you. I’m not….

He’s lying.

Right. Oh, yeah. Give me a break, as if she’s speaking in such technical terms. I’m not sure what that would be.

Stop not touching your sister.

That was me.

And then you have permission to touch him, yeah.

Yeah, I was a nuisance, yeah. And I still have, you know, I’m still a nuisance.

I heard. That’s about you.

I’m never bored. I promise I never will be.

Well, we know before we get on and recorded. We wanted to wow. What was I waiting for to say something else?

You’re talking to me? I have no idea.

We were talking about Amiliya being Amelia or Amiliya, and so I wanted to kind of go into that because I find that very fascinating. And how did your mother, you know, decide to choose the spelling of your name  

Yeah, just, you know, I think that when you’re born in the United States, you don’t realize how you are living everybody else’s dream is to come here  

So, you’re the first generation?

I came here at 11 And so, my father? My father loved this country. I mean, I loved this country.

It was part of every single conversation that I could ever remember as I reflected on how grateful he was and how grateful we needed to be. And, you know, our military, first responders, police officers, and others who help to build our communities. We were a continual staple serving our communities because, as far as he was concerned, there was nothing greater than being of service.

And I think that’s why, you know. My brother was a baby. I mean, he was a baby. I mean, he wasn’t in high school. He came home. It’s almost as if I signed up for the marine core. I was similar to you, she said. Why wait a minute, hold on, couldn’t you pick one of the other little ones with the cute little uniform Marines? I’m like, I’m like, you know, he was that kid, you know, he wanted, you know, and I have friends that are now full grown. I have friends that are like, you know, Green Berets and whatever. And I’m like, you do realize that means you’re ******* crazy, right? Oh, hurt me And I was like, you know, that’s a sexual thing that you got going on, you know.

And so, I remember it That decision that he made changed everything for all of us. We became part of something that mattered, right? And I was like, OK, what? What can I do? And so, I was one of those sisters that, you know, when he went to 29 Palms, I moved to LA, and then he went camping in LeJeune.

So, then I moved to North Carolina, and then he went out to Camp Pendleton, right So then I followed him out there. And then he was like, “Listen, we’re going to Iraq. I’m like, “Where’s Iraq?”

But I don’t, I don’t know where. I don’t know where Iraq is. I was like, looking at a map. Like, where is that? And he says, “You can’t go,” and I say, “Well, you mean I can’t?” Go, we’ve never been apart. We’ve never been apart. What do you mean I can’t go on? Can I sign it? 

So, tell me about your time in Iraq

I couldn’t go. I will tell you that I lay on the tarmac. I cried as I have never cried before. Because I was like, you know, Sergeant Bivins, whom I love. He was like, ma’am, you can’t lie here, and I was like, “I’m not moving until they come back. He’s like, it might be a while, right? And I was.

I was lost.

It was lost.

It was lost.

How many siblings do you have between you?

Again, the Italian part. Because of my father, it depends on how you want categories.

He was a frisky fellow.

Oh, my goodness.

So, I have, you know, like real siblings, and I have half-siblings, and I have step-siblings, and I have siblings that every time we have a holiday we find out we have another one. So, you know, we have a big family and I kind of don’t go home for Christmas because I don’t want to know what other half of something that’s out there. 

Right, but they’re probably predominantly boys, and you know, we grew up, you know, in, you know, one house with all of us trying to figure it out, and so that’s very European. I was like until I went and started getting to know a real white person.

It’s so different. It’s so different, right? 

So, I was like, “What do you mean Uncle Vito isn’t in your basement? Who’s in your basement? They’re just like nobody. I’m like, nobody lives in your basement?  I’m like, where are your grandparents in the attic, and they’re like, we’re the grandparents. I was like I couldn’t wrap my head around it because we are nesters, you know, we come in a pack like there’s not an Italian. It’s like rabbits. The Italians take over the whole street. It’s like, you know, and so it’s just a different mindset.

And when you’re raised in a pack, you don’t say, “Well, is this my brother, or is this, my cousin? Or is this like, I thought everybody was my aunt and everybody was my uncle, and that was what I played.

Italians do the same thing that Asians do. So everybody is your aunt and uncle, whether it’s by blood or not, and so are you.

Don’t realize it until you get home. Throw that, then somebody sitting here, you’re in your 20s, right?

Somebody goes, you know? That’s not your uncle. I’m like, “What do you mean? Is that what you mean? And then you start to like, you know what I can’t undo: I can’t undo what I already know.

Let’s just let me live in the Amiliya world, and it works for me. So, I’ve, you know, got cousins that seem more like brothers than mine, and my brothers that are brothers, and then, you know, my brothers are not any part of my family, but I don’t remember them other than being there, you know? So, it’s one of those things, but I love my culture. But more than anything else, I am grateful I’m here. I could never have done any of the businesses that I’ve been part of if I wasn’t in America.

And I know that that was a gift that people I don’t know granted any And so I leave when I say that I live with gratitude. They hang out at the airport for some reason. I don’t know why, but if you ever want to meet a nice person, they’re always at the airport. I don’t know why. Otherwise, it’s right there at the airport and so I’m the person, which makes no sense when you think about it. I walked up and I liked you. I know, I know. Over like a dog. Like, oh, thank you so much. And they’re like, OK, do not be running at us. We were trained with weapons. So, you are running at us full steam behind us probably isn’t a good idea. 

But yes, I do have a tendency to hug and kiss, so, you know, hug and kiss and hug and kiss. Yeah, so I’m sure they go back to the base and find some crazy woman, you know? You know, it just jumps me at the airport. They just attacked me in the airport.

Oh, that was you. I didn’t know.

That was me. It was me.

Can I ask at what point you began your journey, which you’re grateful for? You know, at what age did you decide that you wanted to do what you currently do?

I think it’s been bits or pieces.  I didn’t get instructions when I got here, so I didn’t say anything. Right.

So, I’ve been slowly, over time, understanding aspects of myself, right? So, every company I’ve founded taught me something else about myself, you know, and I sound. I know that sounds very egotistical, and I don’t mean it that way at all, you know, but I’ve done nine companies, you know, six successful exits. The other one: You need alcohol. 

When I look back, I think it was a journey I didn’t know when I started what I was here to do: Now I’m very clear that everything that I’ve ever gotten involved with was solving the same problem. It just wasn’t clear this way. It’s only clear when he looked backward, and I think that, as you know, people swing and miss, and people swing and hit. Each of those is a mini reflection, like a disco ball, showing you a piece of yourself on this journey, until you reach a point, you know that that’s who you are. And you just stop apologizing for it. You just stop apologizing. For it.

I can’t imagine you ever apologize for who you were.

Oh, I love you. I love you. I do. And even now, under certain circumstances, there’s a piece of me.

There’s the little inner child of mine who wants to apologize for who I am because I am so passionate, I am so driven, and I care so much, and I don’t know how to just like lightly love right now. I do want to just bear hug you and, you know, lick you like your ice cream.

I’m so excited and so there’s a lot of me that was like, well, if I was more this. Life would be easier if you knew me, or I would be more palatable if you knew me. And then I realized that if I decided to do that, none of the work that I do would touch any of the employees that have been employed, any of the customers that we’ve touched, or any of the work. There wouldn’t be life skills in college like I take my gift seriously and my gift is here to help usher in change. And that means I am not. That was something I had to accept being OK with people leaving. It was the hardest thing.

That’s a hard one, yeah. Without a doubt, that’s hard. So, what are you currently working on?

So designing genius. To help people. Right, the rise of the gig economy, the remote worker, the great resignation. For the first time, people are more powerful than companies. The problem is, they don’t know how to handle and harness that power. They don’t know who they are. They don’t understand how to monetize that into a job, but a lifestyle? I very much understand your lifestyle.

Right. What does that mean? What do you think are the issues here? And who do you think is correct?

And so, designing genius helps walk an individual through. What do they believe? And what do they want and why do they want it? And why does it hold value, and where is it rooted? Where did you learn that? Is that yours? Is that your father? Your mother is unwinding humans, and then there’s an intersection between RB to C and RB to B, so now companies can see the people. Our companies deliver value based on the person’s value drivers, not the company’s value drivers. And so, in this shift, the reason why I came out of retirement was that I am a people expert.

I specialize in people’s problems. I have said it over and over and over again, and so do people, who need to be reinvented for them to be able to live their lifestyles. And what killed me was… you know, everyone knows the statistic about how most people fail when they start a business. 50% fail in the first year, right? Whatever, the 50% that’s left, 25% of them make it through the next year. Well, when we all got on our lockdown, a lot of people thought it would be a great idea for them to be business owners. Well, the statistic is that there’s less than 10% that even remotely made it through the dust. And so, the failure ratio is massive.

And so, people think there’s something wrong with them, and what they don’t understand is that there’s nothing wrong with you. I can teach you any tactic. What we can’t teach you is who you are. And so, I put the structure together so that you can unwind your onion to discover who you are, and when you see that reflection, you will be able to choose whether it’s working for you or not.

And what you’re going to trade, and so just like for me, if I’m going to be easier for you and other people. I’m going to sell my soul, and that’s not a trade that I’m willing to do. And so, I will be for a small group of people. I will speak to those who understand me, and I will carry out my purpose because it’s more important to me when I get to the finish line. That is correct about my headstone. And so, I have already written my headstone, my headstones. It’s already done, nobody. He has to struggle to figure that out. It’s already done, and so I lived towards my headstone every day. And if my headstone bothers you, then we’re probably not supposed to be friends. I can still celebrate you, I can be excited about you, and we don’t have to be friends. It’s OK. And so that’s really what I had to learn. I had to learn that for me to be the best version of Amiliya I’m going to outgrow it and I’m going to say goodbye to a lot of people along the way, and that hurts. That part hurts.

It does. I’ve been learning about some of this stuff for the last couple of years. I started podcasting on the Bowery when I met Steven, and that changed the trajectory of my life. I came from trailer parks and foster homes. I joined the military to get some structure in my life, you know, and flew airplanes for a couple of years. But like when you understand that you have the power to design your day, It’s just, it’s a whole new thing. And so, I spent my last couple of years in the military asking people what they would do to design their day, like how, you know, I get up and go to the job. And then I say, “Hold on, you just skipped over it. What do you want your job to be? Do you want a job? Do you want to hop online and check your e-mail once a day while your feet are on the water? the rest of the day.

Like, what do you mean? 

But you can design it all. That’s the thing. You can design love. You can find connection, you can design belonging, you can design parenthood, you can design your relationship. With wealth, you can design it all and if you know how to communicate with other people, you can be able to, you know, kind of pull the other person and come to, you know, what I call the third entity, then you can have the life that you want.

And so, you know that the thing is to be able to be OK. I think that other people choose their own thing, and I think that takes practice. I don’t have to become you; I can just celebrate you.

Yeah, I think that’s the issue these days: everyone feels like you have to pick a team, right?

Or do you have to agree? I don’t need to have an agreement-based relationship. Would I have to agree?

You’re still the same person. I still care about you. I still like you, right? But we may disagree on these points. That’s OK.

And I think for young people, what we have to do for them is really, really help them experience that we can disagree and it’s not over. Disagree does not mean it’s over.

Many of them believe that, though.

And it’s just so sad. It’s so sad. People think that they have this conflict or this disagreement and that’s it. It’s over. I’m fired. He’s leaving. It’s, you know. What? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come back here. Wait a minute. Right, Because we haven’t learned the skills, right? And so, the sad part is that we’re creating a lot of hurt for ourselves, that isn’t necessary. It’s not necessary, you know. And again, what you’re talking about is people thinking you have to agree. It’s never about agreeing. It’s about being a witness to what somebody is saying, right? So, when somebody says, “Listen, this horrible thing happened to me,” they’re not saying, “Come in here and fix it. They’re not here saying, OK, justify that That’s all true”. They’re saying be a witness to my pain, and I can witness your pain and not understand your pain. I can witness your pain. and not have had that pain. But I can be your witness.

You don’t even have to own it. The problem is that everybody wants to belong, and they want to belong in this herd mentality, and it’s just like…

Which is ego. 

Because at the end of the day, you are just a unique, authentic individual.

Be that.

Yes, and be and love being it, so yeah, that’s why it’s taken me so much time to get to the point where I like who I am. I like how I love it. I like how I parent. I like what kind of partner I am. I like my company. I like my team. I do. like my life. And it took me a long time to get to that point where I didn’t feel bad about that.

It’s nothing to feel bad about Jesus.

What would you tell people right now that are operating the way you used to operate, that aren’t operating as themselves right now? What would you tell those people to help them get through whatever they feel is blocking them?

You’re making it a lot harder than it is. And you’re making it harder than it is because you believe it. You’re committed that it needs to be hard, and so you’re making it hard because that’s your belief system. Somebody along the way told you to work. And working hard has not worked for you.

So now you have to learn how to work differently. But until you open up the space to work differently, you’re going to be committed to working hard.

Isn’t that interesting? They’ll defend it.

Oh, they’ll do it. 

You’re attacking their inner child. Come on now, Carol, you’re being so mean.

Right. And you have to be able to do that. You have to ask yourself, as you start to build these relationships, what am I defending? What am I defending here?

Because it’s not about them, it’s about you. You’re defending your position. Where did the position come from? I learned my position from my father. And I understand. I understand what his position was, but I’m also at a place where I can choose something different, and I’ll take the consequences and the responsibility. But I had to stop believing in working hard. I don’t have to work hard.

Well, and it’s really interesting too because people will take, you know, jobs: jobs where they go to a company, part-time jobs, whatever. But whenever they talk to an entrepreneur, I’m going to put up with my boyfriend, for instance. He’s going to kill me for saying this.

Honey, just FYI, I love you. I’m using this as an example. So, there was a time when he had to decide whether he would take on an employee type of position or continue what he was passionate about, right? And he is very passionate about writing and writing code. And there are certain things that he does better than anything else, right? Workflow and code are kinds of his niche. So, his sister had told him, “No, you really should just, you know, get a nine-to-five job”. 

And he was struggling. “What do you think?” he inquired. “What do you think I should do?” And I said, “Wait, you’ve got to do what’s true to yourself, and what does that look like to you? And he goes, “A nine-to-five job would kill me. 

And I said, “Well. Then don’t do that, you. For F***s sake, don’t do that.

I like you. I’d like to keep you around. Don’t go off and die.

Hey, please. How about you do what? It gives you desire and ambition and fires you up. You know, like this is your thing. Why not do that? Well, because everybody I think that, you know, it’s time for me to get my 9- 5 jobs, by the way. Those people don’t typically understand, and they don’t have the same mindset as an entrepreneur.

Right. He’s going to end up there anyway.

Oh, he’s always just It’ll just take a longer time for it.

Right. You’re going to end up with your heart’s desire anyway.

Eventually, it’s just a big delay  

Fall, get up. You have to understand that when people speak to you, they’re speaking to you from their worst fear. with the best intentions. They love you, they care about you, and they’re fearful. For you.

By the way, he’s doing great now because he did follow it and so it’s fantastic, but you know, it’s so funny that people feel the need to give you their opinion or their advice on what you should do.

That’s what we say, you know, we heal unintended pain. Most of the pain in the world is unintentional. People didn’t need to create it, but we held onto it, and now it becomes the evidence of what we believe will happen next, and because we believe it’s going to happen next. We made it happen next. And now we’re in a pattern.

Oh yeah, those *** **** patterns that you repeat.

And so, when you build a circle of people who are of that mindset, then what they do for you is, instead of them telling you something, they show you something about yourselves. And those are the greatest friends you could have. People who can come in and show you a piece of you and then stand by you as you work through whatever choice is good for you. That’s why we don’t want projects. We want people, not projects. And that means you cannot fall in love with their potential.

You have to fall in love with who they are right now and be committed to the journey as they make their choices in life. You can make choices that I don’t agree with, right? But I’m on the journey because I add my sense of value and importance to your life. And you do it for me too. But it’s not about your potential. It’s not about you being a project. It’s not about me fixing it for you, right? And I think those people who can show up that way make the biggest impact on other people’s lives. Because all I’m doing to you is showing you something that you already know is there, but you’re seeing it from a different perspective.

Yeah, absolutely. I know in the military if you ever get any piece of paper written about you that has the word “potential” on it, that is a cuss word. You are getting talked down to because, “Oh yeah, he’s got all this potential,” which means he didn’t do anything all year. So, we have to use the word potential. We know who he is, but that ******* isn’t going to work. That’s what potential is.

And I think that’s healthy, right? Because again, if you tell me, I have potential. That means I haven’t Done it. 

You haven’t lived up to anything, you know, sitting.

I mean, it’s like, OK, I’ve got potential, I know it’s there, but I just haven’t rolled out of bed to do it. I mean, it doesn’t feel good to me, right? I want people to be excited about who I am and have my history to say, “Oh, and I’m just getting started. I’m just getting started.”

Oh, I love it. I love it. I love meeting people like you because

You’re my new You’re my new BFF

I was like, “Oh my God, because I love women. They are just so inspiring, and they want to see other women and men succeed. But I think we as women have, and I’m not sure how old you are, but 

My kids say I’m older than dirt. My kids, who are 24 and 26 years old, say the same thing.

I know, I know how old she is, but Carol, you are not the elder stateswoman in this conversation.

Oh my God, I’m not. For once, I’m enjoying it. It’s kind of nice for a change.

I’ll take the older position. And it’s a beautiful thing that’s happening to women right now. I love it. I’m glad I’m still alive to witness it. I am more excited about my girlfriends than I have ever been in my life. And I love how excited they are about each other. 

You know, I started something called a sisterhood and brotherhood. Steven Kuhn, like all that And I was like, “I’m going to show you 100 men and 100 women and show you how healthy relationships work. And it was because people were like, “Listen, Amiliya, I don’t get along well with women. Like, I’m like, listen.”

Oh my God. I hate those conversations! 

I’m going to show you. What is the proper way to have a sisterhood? And I always remind people that I would not be where I am if it weren’t for my brotherhood. Right. My first comp. My board was all men. My first group of investors was all men. Trying to get into what used to be YYY. Oh, and YPO, which was young until right there with us, dropped the Y. Now it’s just gone. All men, right? And so, men helped me learn and kicked a lot of doors in for me. I remember when I tried to join the former group, all the people there were like you. I know eight guys, 12 guys, and six guys. None of them wanted a girl in the pack because a girl changes things and people say, “Oh no, it doesn’t. Yes, it is.

Yes, it ******* does. And that’s why they tried to take me out of business for 10 years.

It does. And so, a group of guys came together, and they said, you know what? It’s not fair.

That none of the groups would let her in. It’s not fair. And one group of guys leaned in, and they have become my brothers. I’ve known him for 30 years, three years. I’m like the first one to go, “OK, I’m making a decision. What do you think?” Those are the ones? I love men who tell me I’m right, and so I have a passion for men.

But I love the fact that women are now in the race to, yes, that they’re in. You know, it’s been lonely. I’m always the only girl in the room. The only girl on the board, always being the only girl.

No matter all these events, you know, there’s me and like one other woman, you know, and so the fact that there’s more of us and I get to see, you know, bump into more women when we’re traveling. And you know, hanging out and whatever, because we’re in some God-forsaken hotel somewhere, waiting for some men, I mean, now I see more and more women, they still haven’t figured out the lighting in the hotel for us.

I don’t know why that’s, well, there’s got to be more realistic. I’m like, why can’t I? You figure it out.

I mean, really.

Well, I know for me, I’m about to be one of two guys at an event that’s all women.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We get to adore you, but I adore you. I know I love the fact that you feel OK coming. I feel happy that, you know, we’re embracing you. You know, it isn’t just an all-women’s thing or all-men’s thing, whatever. But we’re trying to solve real problems, and we don’t live on Woman’s Island.

We have lived with men. So, we’ll have to figure it out.

They’re everywhere.

Oh, my goodness.

When people hear me talk, a lot of people are like, “Oh, you’re, you know. I’m anti-men.”

Like, no way, no how.

One had fun. Why, why not?

We couldn’t get to where we’re at without the men in our lives. So, it’s like it blows my mind why people are so polarised when they make these comments, right?

Oh, it’s all because. You only talk about women. It’s like A bull. ******* ****

But I can always speak to what it’s been like being a woman. Right. I would be a liar if I said I would. Well, let me tell you about the males. Right. No, no, I had to try to pee Standing up, and climbing Kilimanjaro was the sloppiest thing I’ve ever done. I take everything I’ve ever said to mean that yes, I and she didn’t get along. And so, no, no, it’s not because I’m excited about my sisters.

It does not mean I don’t love my brothers.

Exactly. That’s a misconception.

I was like when you said this about this,

It goes back to mirroring. That’s what it goes back to. 

I said that I was in a class. It was a very challenging class for me in my Master’s program. And they were going through a bunch of different things. We were talking about social justice, and we got to 1A camera, but it was but everyone pretty much took one side, whatever it was, right?

So, I asked the question about the other side. I had someone try to verbally assault me in the hallway on the break and like, I can’t believe you would say that this time, Blah, blah, blah.

I was like, “Hold on, what are you talking about? As you said, this, this, and this. Isn’t that true?

Yeah, I sure did. I can’t believe you felt that way. I said, ah, see, there’s the assumption there. You assume that I feel that way. She’s like, “What? Wait, what? What do you do? I mean, I wasn’t going to let this whole class get away with not talking about the other side just because everyone agreed that’s the whole purpose of this damn class.

She’s like, “so you don’t feel that way?”

It’s hard when you lead that way. You know, it’s hard, you know, for both sides. You know, women are trying to figure out, you know, our feminine energy and, you know, men are trying to figure out their energy. And now we’ve got men working on their feminine energy. We’ve got women where we, you know, we’re all working on something. And it’s hard when you try to categorize it, right? And so I love the fact that the conversation started, and, again, I think I have a 15-year-old daughter.

She’s like, how do you identify? I’m like, I don’t know what to do. You’re asking me? I don’t understand the question. Right. And she’s like, “It would be very meaningful if she spoke to me in a meaningful way. It would be very meaningful to me if you would put how you identify on your social media.

And I’m like, Lucia, I love you, and I don’t understand what you’re saying to me. I will do anything You asked me to do, but I had to first explain it to you, and I got an opportunity to get to know her and her friends and how important it was to them. And I’m like because I love you, it’s important to me too. As well. So you’re learning, right? I was like, “Look, I mean a whole conversation that I would never have been involved in that I’m way involved in now because I just didn’t know. 

I didn’t know what I was like. I’ve never even thought of it. Now, 10 years later, you know a lot of our social platforms allow us to express how we identify. I think that’s fantastic. Nobody ever asked me that question before. My daughter had to ask me how I identify and like heels. Does that count in heels? Identifying heels

By the way, 4 inches is best.

Got it. All right, I love you. My mother Yeah, you know my Instagram. I’m passionate about heels. You understand I was walking into that and, you know, then I had to take a step back and go well. Wait a minute. Kudos to me for my parenting. My daughter had the confidence to sit in and say, “Listen, I’m not happy with how you’re showing up and this is meaningful to me. And this is why, you know, this is an area of my life that I’m spending more time in, and I was like, “Good for you,” and I say that if you can take me on, you can take care of everything else. Is the world easy or is the world easy? Right.

And so, you know, those kinds of things, those conversations, I would never have had the chance to be a part of, right? And so, you’re never, ever, ever too late to learn, and you’re never too late to do something about it. Right. I was like, OK, great. I’ll lean into this conversation and it’s meaningful and I get slammed. Do I get people there or listen? All I can share is what I know at this moment. I’m growing, I’m growing, I’m learning. I’m hopefully going to be the very best version of myself when I’m finally done, and everybody throws dirt on me.

And while I’m here, I can tell you that I have never intentionally done anything in my life to cause pain. I have caused pain. And I try to do better, but it’s never my intention. If I cause pain, it’s out of ignorance on my part, right? So having people lean into my life, like my daughter or my team, to say, hey, listen, let me show you the other side, has been invaluable. Let me show you how it feels to be the receiver of what? You just did, and it allows me to grow. And when our communities can start having those conversations, when our companies can start having those conversations, our families can start having those conversations.

People are being seen and heard, but they can’t be seen and heard if they’re afraid to tell you something.

Yeah, well, there has to be compassion to have a conversation. Yeah, and that’s the problem we have: people aren’t compassionate towards other people’s feelings, regardless of what they would be or are, right? Nobody wants to hear something that they don’t necessarily believe, and they don’t know how to engage.

In that conversation If you believe that, then the House of Cards is going to be following

for f**s sake.

Right. 

It’s not so dramatic. And I’m like, you know, you can just be you and I can be excited about you being you, and it doesn’t have to have anything to do with me, right? That’s the ego. The ego, the ego, the ego, shows up in all these crazy places.

Commas, ego, and drama Put your ******* hands together.

Man, I have that sign too. I have a sign that says “drama does not live here” because I want nothing to do with this. It’s exhausting.

It’s exhausting, and I could put that energy to better use elsewhere. For ********, yes.

100%, 100%. Or the guys over there, he’s like, listen.

I know we’re having our little conversation

You are completely free to do whatever the hell you want.

What I admire most about Travis is that he is a strong advocate for women. Women like rights, women, everything. And we talk about it all the time like he comes across as gruff, kind of a runaround guy, but truthfully, like he’ll be the first one to say women are super ******* intelligent.

And I love that about him, that he’s not afraid to say it.

Oh, some of my favorite men who are very masculine men have that tender part of them that you can’t help with Steven Koons. Another one, right? Oh, yeah.

He’s a great guy.

He’s got masculinity down. He, you know, created the test for that one. But he’s also very emotionally available, very sensitive, you know, very, very much so to be able to have compassion and empathy and those things. But those are developed skills.

Yeah, absolutely. Develop skills.

Lane, his business partner now, is just yummy. Right, he’s just…

He was here. He was here a couple of months ago. We had a taco party. He drove in from Colorado Springs. Yeah, it was a great time. He spent the night. We hung out, yeah.

Oh my God, talk about how I believe he is the living embodiment of nature. I think if you take nature and put it in a human form, it’s Lane. I always learn something. His energy is like a stream. It’s just like, “Wow, he’s incredible,” and you would not characterize him as masculine.

And yet he is.

And yet he is.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure he was a green beret as well.

Yeah, gentle, but could kill you.

We like those people on our side.

Yeah, be polite, be professional. We have a plan that will kill everyone in the room every minute.

Lane is always that gentle stream that you hear, you know, and I love how the masculine and feminine energy, you know, how it’s growing in manifestation within us. I think it’s so beautiful. I think it’s one of the most beautiful times ever, and we’re missing it because the news is telling everybody that the whole sky is falling, right? Doom and gloom are coming. I’m like, well, if everyone wants to believe it, doom and gloom are coming or it could be the most beautiful time, the start of the awakening of humans.

I 100% agree.

Yeah, I just don’t think people have disconnected from nature as much anymore. And I see so many people like that that we talk to you and others. They’re very spiritually connected. And I love talking to those people because they get it. You know, like you were talking about laying out, you know, in the moonlight during the full moon, having a ******* glass of wine with your dog, you know?

I guessed that I was like, “You don’t believe in the moon ceremony as I believe. I see the moon and I’m going to go smoke.

Oh my God, the energy that it emits for F***, say, why wouldn’t you just immerse in it? 

It’s like I did. I took a moon bath. I was out there taking a moon bath. I was like, I was literally. I’m like, what color goes with the moon bath? I’m like, I’m going with the traditional black a little bit. I’m wearing black pants, yeah. So, no, I mean, I think you know, you know. And I was on, I was on a zoom with, you know, a bunch of my goals, because I’m on the East Coast all My girlfriends are around the West Coast, you know? I was like, “I’m having a zoom bath. Anybody join me? People were like, “What is she doing now? What is she doing? My neighbors and my neighbors think I’m crazy. They’re like, “she what?

Is she starting over?

There, it’s all good. Let him think you’re crazy for ringing little bells.

Now I’m ready. You know, they’re like, OK, she’s gone.

Oh, now with singing bowls too.

I can’t tell what she’s feeling. It had a singing bowl. I know I’m just.

I don’t know what people have. Don’t have what they’re into; have what they’re not.

Do you know all that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And again, that was another trip that I was on, and somebody was talking about a singing bowl. I was like my balls are just in the cabinet. What do you mean, singing bar? What kind of bowls are you buying? I was like, “Oh I’m.” I had to look it up on Google. I was like, “What are they talking about? I was like, yeah, I just was like, ” Look, I opened up my kitchen cabinet and was looking at my dishes. Are any of you guys up there singing? Oh, nothing. No, nothing.

And I was like, “I don’t know what anybody is talking about, you know, so I have A friend of a friend introduce me to his singing. Look at how beautiful that is for you. You understand I don’t know.

Is he doing amazing what it does to him? I mean, the energy in the room, I mean, I have one that’s like 36 inches and you hit it. It goes boom. The whole room is like a whole different frequency. Yeah, I love it. I freaking love it.

You know, and music is the gate. 

The right sound is a gateway to our emotions, and so I had to learn that too. Sometimes I just have to turn something else on to listen. And so, with all the hypnotic tones and stuff like that, what I’m trying to think is what I’m trying to create, you know, not what I’m trying to do.

My financial performance, right? However, I use no

I’m in a place for everything.

Yeah, And so I’m open. I’m like, I’m the most curious cat you’ve ever met. I’m like, “all right, teach me something,” right? Do you know?

So, I am a very visual thinker. So, you’re like, you don’t do what you’re doing, your financial performance. I just picture the big bowl. You’re like, “Where’s my money like? That’s how I get paid right there.

I’m doing my second creative there like I’m there. I always like to pay because I’m very physically conservative, right? So, in that area, not so much, but I’ll sing bowl anywhere else in my life other than there. Oh, I love it. I love it. I love it.

I’ve bumped into so many spiritual people that are tapped into nature and everything else. It’s fantastic these days.

I think we get too bitter without it.  You know, I mean if we just leave ourselves to our creation of man-made things. That’s why we feel so angry and disconnected and whatever it is because we’re only bonding with man-made things.

You’ve got to get back into nature, you know, and when you get back into, when you get into that, you know the organic forms of life, you know Then you start to feel at peace and find peace. You know, I only know, when I’m walking around with buildings, this is where I don’t find peace, right?

But, you know, when I get out and, you know, put my toes in the grass and, you know, I was hoping we’d, I’m not sure. I posted on Instagram about going out in the rain. So again, you know, that came flying through my feet and so on. It was raining, so I yelled, “Get off!” and told everyone to get up and go outside. We’re going to get some rain. What are you doing? Instagram said, “We all need to be in the rain. It was due to the rain.

Ha ha ha. No one, my friends from Texas. There’s no rain here. I’m like, OK, I’m getting ready for you guys.

We got rain. We got rain. We finally got rain. And there have been a lot of fires here lately, so trust me that the rain was needed.

Yeah, no, I was sopping wet, and they were walking up and down the streets in the rain. You know, again, I’m just, I’m just entertaining my neighbors.

What you don’t know is that they have a whole Instagram page dedicated to your shenanigans that you don’t know about right now.

That’s probably what it is; there are probably a lot of pictures of, say, Amiliya doing because the FBI is over there. I was walking.

We have no idea what she’s doing. They’re trying to investigate you. Can you figure it out? I’m just blaming

It’s on Instagram. I’m like, Instagram told me to walk in the rain. Some shared it on my feet, you know, on Instagram. Like, have you seen this? Like, nope, I have.

I have not seen it, but I’ll try it. Sure, why not?

Yeah, I love it. I love the grass between my toes. That’s what it’s like every morning for me. I go, I wake up for my glass of water, and I go walk around my backyard barefoot.

I do too.

And let it know.

I put my feet on real earth every morning. That’s part of my morning ritual, even when it’s snowing and cold here. But I have to have my feet on the earth.

I think I didn’t do that growing up in Minnesota because it would have been too much for me, but yeah.

And it was, trust me, in February, in New York, but I’ve got my feet in the snow. But it’s also at the same time, you know, you can get into a lot of the, you know, Wim Hof breathing and the ice. Baths and whatever it is that attracts attention, I would say it’s an attention-getter, right? You know, I’m still not all the weigh-in with that whole thing. Like, OK, I’ve got feet. And what about snow body immersion and an ice bath? I’m not there. But I will celebrate with you. You can do it, and I will have a cocktail. Applauding along the way was Stephen Coote. All of them All of those guys, we have all floated around in ice cubes. And I’m you. I know I love the breathing part. I just. You lose me when you talk about jumping into an ice bath because I have so many visuals of my warm, toasty, floating bubble bath that I don’t want to upset. I see what you mean.

But have you done the polar plunge?

Yeah, see, it does, it doesn’t.

No, it doesn’t appeal to me.

It doesn’t appeal to me either, but I did it. 

OK, and I’m happy.

I was flying airplanes. It was terrifying, but I did it.

Twigs and berries. Twigs and berries. That’s all I’ve got.

You know, I just. I don’t think I do. And I know a lot of women. I have done it too. It seems to be men. I have taken hold of that, like, and I think that that’s a brotherhood. Do all of you want to jump in an ice bath together, I again applaud you. I haven’t had that need, but it wasn’t there.

It’s the only bath we can tolerate together. Anything else is just weird.

That could be true.

I like saunas. I like hot baths. You start talking about cryotherapy and it freaks me the **** out because it’s so I can’t. I’ll stand the cold anyway. Although these days with menopause now, because I’ll tell you, at times, I do like to walk outside. when it’s cold because (*) the hot flashes are killing me.

Yes, I’ll stroll in the briskness. Yes. But even when it’s snowing, I don’t say to myself, “I feel like rolling around in the snow, getting something. 

Oh hell. I don’t have that urge. It might be coming, it might be coming, and I will then come back to this and I will change my mind to say I jumped in ice cubes.

Hey, you. Did you change your mind when you think of singing bowls? No, there you go.

We’re getting into cooler weather, so what’s your favorite hot beverage?

Hot beverage. Well, I love hot tea. I’m a big tea fan. I love tea. I love all the different flavors of this; the smell of tea. I love Park Coffee. Yeah, no, not like, not like that. But I like tea.

I like tea. I love tea and coffee. I think that’s very much part of my culture. But I will also have a hot toti. 

Ah, oh by the way, where are you guys from your family in Italy?

My father is from Rome, and my mother and my kids’ father were from Panaderia, one of the Halo Aiolia Islands. So, like the Malfi coast, that’s the only, you know, Stromboli and Capri, so one of the small islands? And then if you go back another generation and how everybody got to Italy, my mother’s family came to Italy via Scotland, right? So, they were Scottish and then went to Italy, and my father’s family resided in Africa. So, if you go back to that family tree, they came over from Arusha, and so on. They were Italian, Italian mixed with Italian, so you have to go back. How did they get to Italy? And I think that that’s why we’re so mixed in color. My brothers are dark, and my mother and I were light. And so, I think when my parents first came stateside, they decided, I don’t know why, it was a good idea for them to go to Stone Mountain, GA. A little history lesson with the KKK is that they were told that they were an interracial couple. And Europeans don’t know what that means. Interracial couple.

So, how could it be? We’re both Italian, but because they physically differ, one is very, very dark and the other is very, very light. We started on that journey of being an interracial family, even though we were not.

Yeah, Yeah, I did in Italian, and he was the only blonde-haired, blue-eyed Italian in the entire family. The rest of them were dark-haired and had dark eyes.

Well, the farther south you go, Right?  So, the farther AS you go towards the boot, the darker the eyes. The shorter the height, the darker the skin, right? But the further north you go, the lighter it gets. So, like, my whole family is known for our green eyes.

Will the green eyes originate in and around Rome? The Romans had green eyes, right, and so we’re known for that, so I’m lighter than my brothers, but we’re all kind of shaped the same way. 

Because, you know, everyone plays with everybody else, right? My mother was very tall. You know, I’m not exactly sure. I’m 57. I don’t think I’m short, but my mom was, you know, 5.10 like my grandmother.

Well, you are not short, I’m sure. I’m five-freaking-four. I’m sure.

Carol is very short, yeah.

Thank you very much, you jerk.

It doesn’t mean It’s a bad thing.

But see, yeah.

You achieve perfection much later in life than I did.

That’s the four-inch heels we’re talking about Amiliya

Yeah, well, my problem is that I’m always in heels too.

No, no, no, no. Right, I’m 5’8″, which is the average height of men around the world. I don’t give a **** if you’re taller than me. I don’t feel like you’re being taken. My lunch money or whatever, because you’re taller than me. Like, I don’t, Yeah, I love it.

that I love. You know, like, why do I have to? Do not wear heels if you want to wear them.

Right.  

You have it the opposite way that I do with my family because that side is from Norway and the Netherlands. But all of the guys in my family, all the guys in my family other than my dad, all my uncles on both sides. They are 6 feet tall with blonde hair and are blue-eyed. And my dad is blonde-haired and blue-eyed. They all have huge noses. And huge ears, by the way.

It’s hilarious, but I’m the only kid that looks like my mom, and they like to have fun too, with dark hair and dark eyes. And I’m not 6 feet tall, so like I said, this is my uncle here. The oldest, the oldest brother. And I walk up and he’s like, “Who are you? I’m like, “Oh, I’m David’s kid. He’s like, you don’t look anything like David. My brother looks like it.

My sister looks like him.

There’s a difference in our family. I’m up. My mother was very, very light; my dad was very, very dark; and then we were all versions of it in the middle. But that’s not even a topic in Europe like Europeans. It’s on your name, like the name, not the color of your skin. You know, for if only.

Your last name ends in “O”, you’re usually towards the southern part of the boot. If your name ends in “I”, your family usually originates in the middle part of the boot, right? And then the other vowels are up north, and so people usually ask your last name to find out the region. We don’t have a color conversation.

Yeah, only in the state.

Only the client states that I was Like, yeah, people are like, “Why is your dad dark?” I’m like, what does that mean? I don’t even know, not even when I know what that means. You know, they’re like, “Why don’t you know? I’m like, ask weird questions here. My favorite one, my favorite question growing up—God, I got this the whole time—was, what are you? What are you like? What am I? A human? A girl? Are you asking? Because when they met my family, it confused me, and so we got that question. What are you? And so I needed Mariah Carey to, you know, build her career so I could figure out who I was because I was like, what am I? I’m like, what a weird question to ask a child.

Weird, people are bizarre.

Well, people are compelled to put things in boxes because, as soon as they can label them, they feel safer.

Yeah, I think I made my box.

You did. You did. Yeah, you don’t fit on the shelf. If you look at all the action figures, you’re almost on your own. You have your separate display. You can’t be with the other action figures, can you?

Yeah, yeah. I only have my box. No, I play with other actions. The pictures didn’t bother me. It doesn’t bother me, but I’m not done. And you just, you know, I think that’s the great, beautiful thing that comes with age is that you just get very comfortable.

******* own it, right? That’s what I liked about turning 50: I didn’t give a **** what anyone thought of me after that point. It was so fantastic and free, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And you know, it’s becoming, it’s interesting because it’s becoming more appealing, right? I’ve never, never in my life been asked out by more young men because I was like, do you know how old I am? You know, and they’re kind of like, “Oh, I love older people.” Women, I’m like, where? Did that happen? When did that become…

It’s, uh, like, seriously turned into a guy thing. Do you know why I was asking my best friend? My best friend said, “And we’ve been best friends since we were 15, but you know, he’s like a brother, right?

But he told me that he goes Oh my God, guys these days go after older women because there’s no ******* drama. They know who? They are, and they know what they want.

It must be because, you know, I’m like, what? Yeah, you call your mother.

It doesn’t hurt that you’re gorgeous too, so it doesn’t, you know that. That part aside, I don’t give a **** what your age is because I don’t think you look your age either. 

I don’t care as long as it’s age-appropriate, like there is a point where I go, “Yeah, this. Oh yeah, you work where they’re your children’s age. Yeah, we’re like, “No, that’s no entry zone.

Yes, I’m finding it fascinating because I come from the world of the reverse, you know. 

Yes, usually it was younger women and older men. Not the older women or younger men. It’s changed a great deal.

Well, and Forbes Riley, my girlfriend. Forbes Riley was the one who put that in my head because there is an age difference between us. She and her husband are literally like the living version of a Harlequin romance novel. Oh, are they? They have their little page, whatever They truly are. You know, she’s an icon. I mean, do you want to talk about it? She’s, you know, she’s, she is the queen of the pitch, right? The Queen of the Infomercial She’s done more infomercials than anybody else. 

Yeah, good, Lord. 

I watched her. Fall in love with her, you know, with her husband and the whole 9. Yet I’m like, “Look how cute they are. And they’re like, you know, he’s younger than me, and I’m like, what? I didn’t have

Know that? He looks old as ****. What are you saying there? I have no idea. At Forbes’ rally, however, I don’t know anything about him. I don’t. I haven’t seen him if you’re hearing this. Sue Carol, don’t sue me.

Yeah, no, Forbes is her. It’s OK, yeah.

It’s all right. It’s going to be OK. As we near the end of this discussion, where do you want people to go if they want to connect with you?

I’d love for them to go into designing genius. That would be great, whether it’s the book or the program. And I would love to hear what you have to say about it. You can find me if you spell my first name. You can find me on any of the social platforms.

So, join me on whatever it is, Instagram or Twitter or Facebook, whatever. I will try to get back to you. I mean, if you comment, I will comment right back. And I love talking and learning about people. I’m out on the road now. So now I’m, you know, heading out to Texas and then I’ll be in Los Angeles and then San Diego, where I get to come to see you, and then we’re out of the Billion Think Billion event, which is in Palm Springs, which I’ll be a lot of fun, and then down to, uh, we end the year down in Nashville and Tampa, and so it’s great. I get to be out on the road, and I get to, you know, hug and squeeze people, which is my favorite pastime.

You’re going to be in Texas. So, I’m in Oklahoma City. It’s a three-hour drive from So I’m in Oklahoma City. It’s a three-hour drive from Dallas, so I can come down and see. When you’re going to be there

We’re having success In North Dallas in the morning, talking to businesspeople in the morning, and then we’re doing the Trevor Houston, whom you know, job market right, so he does the large live audience demonstrating whom you know, and he discusses the distinction between what you know and whom you know. And so he’s having his event, which is phenomenal. I love Trevor. He’s such a good guy.

We’re doing that in the afternoon, with a live audience. So yeah, if you’re coming, if you’re coming anywhere near there, just text me so I can make sure that you’re, you know, in with the posse.

I do want to be in with the posse.

In with the posse.

I’m in with the posse. I don’t want people on the hamster wheels

Yes, I know somebody who knows somebody.

I know. Well, in this case, it would be whom I know instead of what I know.

I know. Oh, there’s a good lineup. It’s not just me. There’s a good lineup that they’ve got coming in for that, you know, which is great. And then there’ll just be a lot of whooping and hollering because, you know, there will be a There’ll be a cocktail There’ll be all kinds of stuff going on in Dallas, for sure. Dallas is, you know, a big city.

Carol told me I’m a lot of fun at cocktail hour. I honestly don’t remember. That’s not true. I remember everything.

He remembers everything. He was singing karaoke.

Oh, that is awesome. I can’t do it. That’s yeah. Yeah, I love men who sing. 

I crushed some karaoke. What should I do? I have two songs that I have to do, but I think the one Carol saw was Baby Got Back.

Yeah, that’s it. Do you recall what the other one was?

There were a bunch of them. It was kind of fun. We were down at Fletcher Cox’s ranch just having a ball. An absolute blast- an amazing time.

And I wasn’t invited to that?

Umm, you know what? I know a guy. Let me text Fletcher and we’ll get you on the list for the next one.

Hey, I like your T-shirt. like your T-shirt, invite only.

I would love that. There we go.

No, for sure I would come out. For that, in this and that, that’s the beauty of it. You know, you start hanging out with similar people and we start doing business together, and then it just becomes easy and fun, right? And that’s, that’s, that’s, you know, I was excited about the thought of, you know, Ryan Blair and Howie and all those guys, they’ve had such success.

I mean, insane success. And they’re still at it. They’re still finding and building and it’s just, you know, incredible just to watch and be part of and, you know, a mixed cocktail. We all kind of throw a little bit of something in there and so that’s what happens if you start.

Building and investing Together with other people, it gets fun.

Yeah, an absolute blast. Hey, Amelia. Thank you so much for being our guest today for me and Carol. We ******* love you. Are you guys in the past? I can’t wait to see you in person.

Guys in the past Yes, yes, 100%. Carol, where are you? Where are you? Where are you in Seattle?

up in the corner.

Wow, we’ve got to make a trip up there. OK, Seattle. All right, all right. Look, airplanes go everywhere, so that’s OK.

Oh, yeah, I know. I just got down in Mobile, AL. So, yeah, that.

That’s the difference.

Yeah, that was quite a long trip.

Yeah, to be continued live and in person. That’s right.

I love it.