False Identities Cause Many of Our Problems with Aaron Ellis

Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show, I’m Carol Carpenter and this is my wonderful co-host, Travis Johnson. And we have a very special guest today on our show, Aaron Ellis. And Aaron is an accomplished musician and entrepreneur in the music industry with 15 gold and platinum records, seven Top 10 songs. And way too many awards to mention.

From a high school dropout to an accomplished musician to now being a successful entrepreneur coach, whose goal is to teach each of us to live our passion, realizing it’s not what we do, it’s how we show up and flow through what we do. Thank you for joining us, Aaron.   

Absolutely excited to be on.   

You know, we talk so often that I sometimes forget exactly how accomplished everyone in our circles is Like, you hear the Bio and you’re like. Like I haven’t heard that stuff. In years like that, you forget that you just, like, are connected to the person and you’re just going through life, and you forget. Someone asked me yesterday to send them a bio and I’m looking at my stuff and I’m reading through and I’m just like, wow, I guess I have done a lot. You forget those things because you’re if you’re in the moment or you’re projecting into the future and you’re not really sure. Right. You are just your mind focused where it’s focused and you forget all these other things.   

Well, you’re in the present you know and so the past is the past and until you really have a chance to really look at the things you’ve done, you know, set back. And look, you have no idea like. You go wait for a 2nd, that’s not me. Wait for a second. It actually is. It’s frightening.   

You were scared good. That’s what it. Aaron, I got to Know, Brother, what makes you a Titan?  

Well, what is the definition of a Titan to you first Travis.   

No, this is your definition.  

It’s whatever you… Yeah, it’s your definition.   

This is you. Everyone has their own definition. These are the qualities that make you the way you are and all the things we just listed as your accomplishments. The fruit of. Who you are.   

Got it. OK. So, I’ve studied words all my life. That’s a whole story in a rabbit hole itself. So, I’m always like, what does Titan mean? And I didn’t look it up before today. I know that I’ve been. That term has been used or with some of the people I’ve worked with or studied with or been mentored by. I’ve heard that they’re Titans, so I guess if I were to answer that for me. I am just me and I’ve spent my life understanding what that means, and when most people ask me like, what’s the key to your success? It’s always an insight into myself. Constant, continuous expanding insight into myself. And through that I’ve expanded further outward. So, I guess I don’t know if that makes me a Titan or not, but that’s what comes to mind. So that’s what. That’s what you got.   

No, there really are a lot of people when like when I talk about this where they asked to be guest on the show. I usually ask them what makes them a Titan, and they either get one or two responses right one is like… well I guess there are three.

One is they start listing out all the titles that they have. I’m dad. I’m a husband. I work at this job. I do this and that and they talk about all the titles they’ve accumulated and the people that I know that are really ready for the show have done a lot of personal work, worked on their real internal journey like you just spoke of, and when you asked them the question at what makes you a Titan, they automatically know it’s the attributes of them, of who makes them, you know who they are. It’s not some external thing, but it comes from within and when you operate as yourself and you’re a fantastic example of this, when you operate as yourself everything lines up, everything is in alignment. 

The people that are not meant to be in your life, even though they’ve been there for ten, 20-30 years, fade away because they’re not aligned with who you are. They never were in the 1st place, but for some reason we hold on to those old relationships like somehow that’s going to make us better or it means something. And when we’re actually operating as ourselves, you can do anything that you were meant to do, you’re able to do it.   

Yeah, that’s interesting. He said that one of the things that we’ve heard dudes, probably some probably hear me say, it’s not what we do. And Carolyn said that’s how we show up and flow through what we do and when we fully Understand that we realize we’re always on purpose. Purpose isn’t in an action, it’s in how we’re showing up. And flowing through. Those actions and you could say like when you find an internal why that’s not an external. 

Why not? Result you’re seeking, which a lot of people utilizes their why? That could be motivating, but it’s not going to inspire them, right? It might seem like inspiration at first, but honestly, it’s when you truly understand who you are, which is ever expanding and ever changing and ever growing right. Or you could say evolving or however you want to phrase. That, and you’re constantly stepping into that, you’re showing up and flowing differently. Right. 

And the accomplishments are just… it’s just like the people in your life and not in your life. It’s the same with accomplishments. It’s no different than saying somebody has gained weight. Because of how they showed up and flowed through health and nutrition. The result they the result they want might motivated to lose weight, but if they go internal and look at the essence of what they want rather than the imagery that they’re seeking, and they cultivate that essence, then everything they’re seeking just comes to them. It just naturally happens.   

Yeah, it’s the law of attraction. Without a doubt. You know, I think most people are searching for who they actually are. They haven’t identified who they actually are, and that’s a great deal of the discontent people feel, and that’s the reason why they have depression, or they have anxiety or any of those issues is. They don’t know who they are yet, and they haven’t done the work to find that person they were always meant to be.   

Yeah, absolutely. And it’s a combination I believe of that and all the things that we’ve on boarded as truth without really challenging what’s being said. Someone says that’s just the way it is and you’re like, OK, like, that’s just the way it is and whatever that thing was if we go through our life and that thing remains unchallenged as being. True or untrue? You get stuck in this loop of just falling in love with it. 

I mean, how many people know that that that girl that they have in their circle is just like, I don’t know why I keep ending up with all these terrible guys. Well, why on Earth do you keep repeating the same lesson you’ve been given. Did you not learn the lesson yet? Did you not realize? Well, you know, I was told very young that I’m just this way. 

Why on earth do you still believe that? Because if you still believe that you’re going to operate that way, you’re going to keep attracting all these ********* and you’re going to wonder why it’s happening to you. It’s happening to you. Because you believe it to be true. 

And when people don’t have their beliefs, feelings, thoughts and actions align the way they want to, they’re going to keep continue to do the action that doesn’t align with who they really want to be.   

Very, very true. That’s a good way to put it. It reminds me like I also would say that it’s not what we think, it’s how we show up in both our thoughts. It’s not the words we speak, it’s how we show we flow through those words, and I’ve studied the brain like, extensively for the last four years, and there’s an effect that your thoughts have on your central nervous system, which creates a feeling in the visceral. right. So part of what I’ve learned from my own personal freedom is basically dissecting that stuff, pulling it apart, analyzing it in order to synthesize, because everything is connected. 

So, it’s not about getting away from something. It’s about maybe getting away to gain perspective, to be able to bring it back full circle, right. And I was talking to some about this the other day about they’ve said I failed so many times. Failed so many times. So, when I look at that, I look at success and failure as Synonyms and what I mean by that is it’s a result and the result that people don’t like; they call failure. The result they do like they call success, but it’s still a result. 

So, when you dive down, you go to the essence of what they’re talking about these words have created a reaction in the central nervous system. Which creates a feeling in the body that makes them want to avoid it. It’s not common. Right. And if you can shift that by bringing awareness to that and realize that you can say failure to me and I could give you examples, I can say what worked and what didn’t work. The same feeling in my body is if I say what succeeded and what failed. Same feeling in my body. If I said where did I succeed and where did I fail? Same exact feeling in my body. If I were to say, where am I a success and where am I? Failure means the exact. Same thing for me. 

Because I’ve done the work on understanding those words and how they affect my body, they just mean the same thing. You know, we create absolute meaning around things or it’s created for us by default. You could say by our upbringing, our circumstances.

And freedom to me personally is becoming aware of that and then choosing to change it and choosing to reprogram the brain around it, which reprograms the central nervous system and how you feel.   

It’s recognizing it and identifying it and then doing the work to change that because everything we do in life is about choices. Choices have consequences. You know, and it can be good or bad. And I think language is very important in how we speak to ourselves because it can affect everything we do.   

Right now one year passed my last day in in Naval Service at my one-year anniversary of the last time I put on a uniform, and I went through a little exercise yesterday. No, not like at the gym exercise like went through a process I obviously haven’t been going to the gym. When I missed my retirement, we had a lot going on at this time last year and just the way it worked out, I didn’t actually have a ceremony. 

So, part of me kind of feels like that’s kind of like… something that’s open. It’s still kind of like not yet closed and I’m. Going through this exercise and I actually recorded like a retirement speech, just did it on my camera here. Nothing fancy. I didn’t send it out to anybody, but there’s some of those things that looking back through, we really understand who you are and it’s impossible to read the label when you’re inside the box. 

And when I was a young, younger man. You know, early to mid-20s, I was a *******. I was. I thought everything I said was hilarious and people were laughing and I thought, you know, they just loved who. I was but the fruit wasn’t there. Like, invite someone out. They always had plans. I didn’t realize that I was the *******. There was someone that checked in and he was running his mouth and this that the other was like, Oh my God. Like this guy, who does he think he is like? He can’t do that. And then someone says, hey, you’re twins. It’s like you’re the same person. And I didn’t realize.   

Oh gosh. 

Yeah, I didn’t realize that that’s how everyone else saw me. And when I dissected who it was, that was the time that I learned that you were the average of the five closest people you hang around. And I took a little evaluation of my life and said, who am I actually hanging around and I was hanging around the people that weren’t doing too hot in their career that were having marital problems, that their mouth was their mouth, and their ego was running their life. And I didn’t know the right things to. Say so I just chose to basically not talk in public. If I didn’t have to. 

As if it wasn’t, I didn’t know the good things to say. I knew what the bad things were, and that’s about all that was on my mind, and I swapped them out for people that were pursuing a better career that were going to college, taking care of their families, taking care of their faith, really being, and as soon as I started doing that, the transformation. 

That is because those things that came up were now the fruit of these people that were really doing the great things in their life. And so many times we don’t, we don’t get that perspective or if we do get it, we push it away and say no, that’s not true. That’s not an accurate assessment of me and I was pretty fortunate to uncover that on myself as one of the things that I was able to. To make a major change on because the guy from like 15 or so years ago like he wouldn’t be the guy having this call because he would have been able to do this.   

Wow, that’s pretty cool.   

So much of who we are as people. We have to uncover it layer by layer, piece by piece. And if you heard layers and we’re thinking Shrek, I’m right there with you. I’m right there with you. I like onions. Now they’re like cakes. Now the onions. Everyone likes cake, no. You, Aaron, you got into the music industry really early. That was something that you were seems that you were imbued with that kind of that kind of knowledge in that area. How did that all happen?   

It ties into another thing like you said in the beginning, things that people don’t necessarily know about. You think people know about this to a degree? But I was diagnosed autistic when I was a kid and my mother was a developmental psychologist professor, so she didn’t tell me. I wasn’t told that I had this limitation, which they never thought of it that way, I think. It’s my superpower, honestly. But there’s been some funny, humorous things that how it’s played out in my life. But that’s the reason why I asked the word about Titan. You know what I mean? Because I’ll look in the dictionary these days. I’m like this Person just used this word and there’s not even a variation in the dictionary for what they just said. Right. So, I resonated to music very, very quickly and very easily. And my mom will tell you that I was singing full songs before I was a year old before I could articulate a full sentence. Right. 

And I just loved music. I don’t know how to really explain it in a way other than those things that you just feel a resonance to, you just feel like it’s part of you, like in this extension of you and it’s constantly drawing you to it. And so, when the kids were playing outside, I wanted to listen to music. My brother and sister, four years older than me. So, I was exposed to a lot of their music. 

Right Which exposed me to. Different genres of music that I probably would have been listening to at the age I was right at six years old, I probably would have been listening to Hard Rock bands like my brother was and stuff, right? 

So, I just it. It was a refuge for me it. Was a calming thing for me that my mom used for calming me when I was overstimulated to make me feel better. And it just evolved from there to where I wanted a guitar. I wanted to play piano. I never got into video games. I just wanted to play music. I’d sit for hours. And my mom, my parents would have to get me out of my room. To get me outside and do stuff cause I would listen to music for hours. I’d lay on the floor with the inside of My pillow and just listen to music, right? 

So, with that, I started, you know, I had to play piano before I was allowed to play guitar. That was the rule in the House. I’m thankful they did that now. Right. But I wanted to play guitar so bad. And then I got to get, or my brother got a guitar for Christmas he became a drummer. I picked up the guitar and they started playing. Now he was a drummer in Seattle, so he was in that music scene a little, obviously earlier than I was, but it brought me into it or easier for me to get into it. 

I started out as a guitar player and through that I started just being able to play gigs. Now I also kind of developed quicker so at like 13 years old I was 5’10, 180 pounds, had a little bit of chest hair. And I could grow a mustache, right? So, I could play in bars at that age, right. And nobody knew how old I was.   

Right, it was way different back then.  

I’ve only been able to grow a mustache for like the past year, and if you’ve seen. It in person. It’s not even that great, and I’m in my 40s. Like at 13, you had, like, a no **** moustache.   

But you know what? Back then, it was way different. You could. Like if you if you look the Part you could get into a bar and if not, you know, I hate to say it, but it was really easy to get a fake ID. Super easy to get it.   

I got to tell You, I was an entrepreneur from the start. OK, so. Not just the fact. That I took. The cocktail swords to school in kindergarten out of my parent’s liquor cabinet and sold them for 1/4.  

Oh my God Aaron.   

But I know, and I guess I. Know that my Ethics and my morals have expanded, right? I stole those, but the other thing. Is I used to do homework for people all through. Elementary school, but when I. Was 13. I was buying alcohol for people and selling it to back to them a 6 pack of beer. I’d spend 20 bucks on it. I didn’t have a fake. ID but I just had this way of doing things with this confidence. That I don’t mind telling. This to the world this is. Right, we’re going. We’re going. All bare here.  

We’re going there, we’re going.   

I would literally…. They would say Aaron…  can you get Us some liquor. Can you get some vodka? And some Jack Daniels like So the liquor store, I’d go up there and we’d hang out in this area, and I’d go to the liquor store after it was closed through the window, I’d figure out where Jack was, where the vodka was. And let’s say, Carol, you’re working if I call there earlier in the day. Hi, this is Carol calling hang up hour later, walking. Carol, how? You been walk straight over to what I wanted to buy, bring it over the counter as if I’d been there over and over and over again. Not like, is She can watch me. Here you go. I literally knew where to go, knew your name, and I was but, I was buying alcohol and selling it for people so a little bit Of a Safeway there, but I’ve been Entrepreneurial my whole life.  

Well, we, yeah, here we go.   

Promoting alcoholism at a young age.   

I think the funny or peculiar part. Of that, that is usually something that people don’t know about me or. They’re shocked by it. I have buffets of drugs in front of me from 15 years old, right, like in the students on. That I have. Never even smoked a joint like cigarettes. And I didn’t have a drink of beer or. Alcohol until I was. 23.   

Oh, wow, look.   

I didn’t want it. I didn’t. I loved my life. I loved being present when I was others were doing it granted, there was also the peripheral effect of seeing people wake. Up and pulls this stuff and I’m like. I don’t do that right, you know. But I also. Just didn’t want it. You know, I just didn’t. I don’t know. It didn’t I? And I think part of that is my autistic brain. Part of it was. And don’t get me wrong, my parents were not happy with it. They did not love my career choice of music. They were both educators. My mom was a college professor for God’s sake, right? 

So yes, they empowered me, but they also didn’t empower me in that sense. But you could say that I just was kind of just living what I wanted to do without any kind of like, why can’t I do this there? Was like to me like, well, of course. Why can I do this? What do?   

You mean I can’t do this? But don’t you think entrepreneurs are the original rebels? I mean, we’re the ones where people say no and we’re like, aha, if you watch me, you know, or you can’t do. That really watches me.   

Yeah, yeah, yeah.   

Let’s see what happens, you know.   

The funny way this played out though, with my brain though, and this is why with music like why can’t they? Do this like it’s why not. I have the desire to do it. Let’s do it in. I can’t remember what grade it was, but my mom called in because in language  Arts class, right? I did something and the teacher said you can’t do that. And my response is not a ***** *** or anything. Was like. But you just saw me do it. How can you say I can’t do it? You literally just watch me do it. Of course, I’m capable of doing it. Send me the principal office principals.  

You challenge authority.   

My brain still works that way, though I still hear literally and I’m able to process it really quickly, but I Still have them. I walked around with these little dictionaries, little thesauruses, and books of idioms all my life from my mom. Looking stuff up now. It’s my phone of Course I can. Do it on my phone.   

Isn’t Google wonderful?   

But because of. That I don’t question things. I haven’t questioned my desires to do stuff, so the funny thing is, I’ve had to kind of live reverse in a sense. Like what do you dream of? I don’t know because I don’t. I’ve it’s never been a separation like a one day… If only for me.   

You know it’s interesting because you talk about having Asperger’s or sorry, autism, right?   

It was autism. And then it was Asperger’s. Now I’m just on the Spectrum, thanks.   

Right, right. Well, well, look, I mean, honestly if you look at entrepreneurs and you take it, you know on a lower level, if you look back and peel back, you know these people, they are on the spectrum so to speak. But my son. Is high functioning Asperger’s. He was diagnosed with ADHD and very much a focused person. 

So, when you were, you know, were talking about the stories of all you wanted to do was play music. All he wanted to do was sit down and put together puzzles that nobody else could figure out were 3D puzzles and you couldn’t peel him away from it. 

So, he’s still to this day. It’s something that he loves to do. He’ll do it, but like he’ll tune everybody. And then if, but if it’s something he doesn’t want to do, oh, forget about it. It’s like, don’t even. And I’m, I mean when I talk about my son, he’s 27 years old. He’s still like that, you know.   

So that’s how I got into music, that’s. In a nutshell, how it kind of happened?  

Yeah, it’s one of those. Things that you really just were Keyed in on something that just made sense. To you right away. I love how you talked about buying alcohol at the liquor store because so many times this see, this is a key to unlock this for a lot of people. And yeah, probably can’t condone going to get alcohol underage, right? I’m not going to condone that. 

But you walked in with confidence and purpose and people just went with it. I love this. So in the in the Navy, you have these all these qualifications that you have to get and all of them have some kind of a different process, some you have to go to special school, some you got to sign off like an OJT on the job training and some of these have oral review boards. And when you do this oral review board, you have all the experts on the panel. And they’re asking you all these different questions based on the knowledge you gained and one of the biggest factors is if you’re going to pass this, where is your confidence level? 

Like, do they believe that you’re going to be able to do the job, whatever the job is? And I learned really early that I might not have been able to be confident in the thing, whatever they were really talking about. But I Could be confident in the words. That I chose to speak. And when I got a little bit better at it, my goal was to have them if I was, if I was the wrongest answer that they’ve ever heard in their life, I was going to say it with the most confidence that they would be questioning whether or not they know what the hell they’re doing. That was the level of confidence that I was projecting through this stuff. 

And when you can do that. And you need other people to question their own stance or their own knowledge. And I’m not saying this is good, bad or indifferent, but when you can just tap into that confidence. And be that Part of you and be that part of yourself and show Up that way, a lot of things just kind of happen to go your way, and it’s just so much easier to do life as a confident person, whether or not you believe in yourself, not talking about that, just this is what I’m doing. And then you go and do it and people just get out of.   

Your way and let you do it; I think that really plays into my whole… That’s not what we do is how we show them. That’s what we do. Like I don’t. I’m definitely live. The whole entrepreneurial thing. Say yes and figure out how later. You know what I mean? I’ll just say yes because I I’m confident in myself. I know my own level of skills, meaning the essence of what I’m going to do. I can do it anywhere the same rules and laws pretty much apply in any industry. They really do.

You might need specialized knowledge in certain areas, but how you gain that specialized knowledge is the same way that I gain specialized knowledge. In music I studied, I practiced, I worked on it, I had desire and intention, and there it is. Right. So, you’re right, it’s funny. I think it’s funny that you said that where you Say it so confidently.  I spoke on eBay. You guys remember eBay when it was up in Eastgate? Carol, I’m pointing at you because I grew Up in Bellevue, Renton, so it was in Eastgate.   

Really, I know that, OK.   

eBay was nice. Yeah, originally.com, there’s a whole lot of things there and because of because of Paul Allen, who I was mentored by, he got me basically in to speak where I still do this. I speak on culture right, which is about the connection between the person. 

So, I remember going in and sitting down with the head guy. I don’t remember what … He was a C Class guy and he’s asking me some questions. And he’s like, so Aaron, what’s your education? And I’m like, well, what do you mean by education. 

So, like, well, what’s your degree? I’m like. Oh, I dropped out of school at 16. And I just sat there. OK, every question I asked him. Or he asked me. I basically answered it in a way that would, like, make me not be able. To do the job. Right. And he let me do it. Part of it was. Because of the recommendation right, but afterwards I’m like, I’m like, what made you say yes? He’s like, man, you literally failed. Every question I had for you to be able, to me. To say yes and I was just completely curious what the. Heck, you were going to come in and teach.   

Oh, that’s hysterical.   

It’s because it’s like, oh, I dropped out of high school. Is that what you mean by education? Yeah, I dropped out of school. It doesn’t bother me.   

You’re assuming that degree somehow gives you credibility, you know, just because you have a degree. You know what I learned? And this was really interesting… So, I’ve been kind of on the hunt for a new financial advisor. Right and so I have my investments with somebody, and I started doing some research, asked some people for referrals. And I spoke to this individual and it was, it was really interesting, he goes. Carol, do you know how easy it is to become a financial advisor? And I spoke. And he goes, oh, yeah, all you have to do is take a 6 hour exam and you pass. And if you pass it with a. C You can literally become a financial adviser and handle other people’s money. And I was just sitting there. Going no freaking Way, no freaking way. 

And I sit there, and I think about it takes so little to become an advisor and I guess the reason it is so easy is there, there’s their lifespan within the industry is typically an average of five years. So that’s why they have to get them in and try to train them and make them effective. 

But just think about who’s handling your money. It’s one of Those frightening things. So, when you talk about education and how, you know, having a degree, having a certification, having those things really it means nothing unless you can bring results.   

All those little letters at the end of your name don’t mean a whole lot. If you can’t do the thing that needs to be done, and no amount of credentials are going to just qualify you. If you know exactly how to do it. There’s designated leaders, and there’s like official leaders. There’s ones that have that reason that makes sense, like when we go out and fly and we’re all over the place. Like everyone has their specific qualifications but you. And the van from the airfield and you go, and something happens. It doesn’t matter what is on your collar. How much are you getting paid. Someone in that van is going to be a better expert at being a mechanic than you are. 

So, the leadership hierarchy is good for some things. When you get down to this specified knowledge, that thing that really matters, what are the chances the person with the higher rank is also going to have the high knowledge and that other thing it’s almost… It almost never happens. And how often do we disqualify people based on some letters after their name or degree on the wall or some award. Come back, you know, like. We just go with it.   

Are you just pointing at yourself?   

Now I’m pointing at the veteran podcast awards here, like that’s all great and dandy that I have this, but if I. Can’t do what you need. In the podcast game, it doesn’t really matter if I have this word or not.   

It’s Street Smarts versus school smarts, you know, and sometimes St. Trump School smarts, man.   

Every day of the week

Also, back to what you said, Travis. Like if somebody has that confidence like it’s not going to give them longevity, just like if somebody can is good at sales, but they’re good at making a sale, but not really creating a customer or a loyalty. They got to be able to back it up, right? Got to be able to follow through and have that integrity, meaning that you know what they’re saying. They’re what they’re thinking is. Is all speaking in the same message, so they’re able to confidently speak it. Even if it’s the Entrepreneurial way of Saying yes and then figure it out later. You still got to figure it out later.   

You have got to deliver the goods.   

Congrats on the sale. How many people re upped with you when their time was done? How many people stayed on? How many of those people have re-upped time and again and again and will give you fantastic recommendations? Financial planners? Oh, I’ve got 2 billion assets under management. Great whooped a dee do. How many people did you take? From 6 figures to 7 figures or more. That’s great that you have assets under management. It’s great that you drive. A yacht? How many of your clients are now driving yachts? Because if you’re fantastic. That’s what I want to know.   

Yeah, well, what really kills me about all that whole industry is, you know, they make a percentage off managing your portfolio, but their the portfolio that they manage is based on a static, very antiquated type of method. And instead of being active in helping you manage your money. They don’t. And I find that really, Insulting, frustrating. You know, as somebody that works hard and is expecting that person who’s the, you know, expert to be managing it correctly.   

Well, you know why they call them brokers, right? They get rich while you get broker.   

OH, my goodness.   

That’s great. You’ve got a fancy car, but what are you going to do for me? 

And Aaron and all of your travels and all the places you’ve been, what did you find around this world that just was a complete shock to you, completely different to anything that you’d see or what you were expecting?   

That the US. Is the least free country I’ve ever seen.   

Ooh, that sounds like…   

What I mean by that is internal freedom. Peace of Mind freedom. I’m not talking about the freedom to pursue your own religion or the freedom to whatever the freedoms that we are listed out as part of the US. I’m talking about freedom of just being free and happy and joyous and experiencing fulfillment. It seems like it’s the least prevalent. In the US.   

Yeah, but do you think that is, you know, do you think that’s due to, you know, the way we’re managed, or do you think that’s the discontent comes internally from just individuals and because people tend to be negative, they, you know, they pull together and there’s a lot more negativities being spread them being positive.   

Right. So, it’s, it’s about the exposure to that. It’s the whole argument of nature versus nurture. It’s definitely nurture, meaning what we’ve been exposed to and the ability to be exposed to so much, right. 

So for an example like I I’ve been down to Costa Rica a few times and one things I love to do is just get in the car and go down dirt roads and so I find these crazy little villages. Right. And I remember spending time in this one village a few years ago when I went down there and just spending the day there and playing with these kids that are frigging kicking a can around like an old coffee can that’s rusted. They’re having a ball. Not a single TV in the Place, not even electricity or plumbing and they’re so happy. Like they were. They were. You could see in their eyes they were really. Happy. 

So, there’s less exposure, right? Or in America, I don’t know what the statistic now, but years, you know Handful of years ago I found out that we were the only country that has direct to consumer marketing for medications. Only country now there’s a couple of them that do that. But no other countries. Have these ladies running through a field saying do you want to feel better about your life both like them. You know what? I mean. Right, 

So, you’re right in saying that that there’s so much exposure that creates that discontent, but it also creates confusion. It creates what I call false identities, where people start to identify with what they do rather than who and what they are. Which they get lost in rather than how they show and flow through what they do in refining that and refining themselves. They’re constantly looking for the solutions or the answer the savior outside of themselves.   

No, they always think the grass is greener on the other side, but it really isn’t.  

Right.   

There’s a couple of reasons for that, right? One is if the grass is greener somewhere else, maybe just stay home and water your lawn or maybe the grass is greener over their cause? You’re not over. There ******* it up.  

It’s good way to look at it, yeah.   

There’s been a lot in this country, a lot of discontent over different races and how we show up and we had the riots a few years ago and we had some horrendous things happen with the police force and Americans. And it kills me. And I’m just so confused by it because I’m in a cul-de-sac. We’re in a neighborhood.  And as I’m watching these reports on TV, I’m sitting outside and watching these kids play basketball. And it’s one of those, you know, adjustable height hopes at the end of someone’s driveway, and there’s two distinct groups. There are big kids, and then there’s little kids. 

There are some girls talking about the cute boys in the thing, and then the Kids are just running around. Easy and how it worked is like the big kids would take a shot and they’d play it. Till the ball bounced. And when the ball bounced away, the little kids would go take the little mini basketball and they would get in there and the big kids without doing anything would just sit and for a couple of moments until their basketball rolled away and they switched, and all of the kids, all of the genders, all the different races were just living in harmony. 

And I think that’s how we are until we’re somehow convinced that the difference is that we can see somehow ******* matter. And somehow a difference in how someone appears is the reason that your life is so tiny. They’re not imbued with that, but somehow we’ve convinced them as people that they’re wrong. Different words, awful. Whatever The thing is, some kind of victimhood pointing fingers over the fact that we just look a little differently and that’s when I really started to just turn the damn TV off because it wasn’t reflecting the life that I saw before me. It didn’t make any sense. Why is it that we convince our children all these terrible things are someone else’s fault?   

I love the I love Differences in people. I think that’s what makes us unique. And that’s why I love talking to so many people. Is, you know, it’s like.   

How did you get there, you know. And I like to like, you know, have a conversation to find. Out what they could. Have done differently that I haven’t done like I love differences. And I like my own relationship with my boyfriend. We talked a lot about, you know, what his strengths and weaknesses are what my strengths and weaknesses are. 

And we found that there’s this beautiful harmony because in our differences I cover his blind spots. He covers mine. And it’s just, I love differences, so I don’t I just don’t understand what, what drives people to think differences are “bad”?   

Here it is. This is such a cool topic, right? It has to do with false identities and seeking outside of ourselves for our recognition, for our self-worth, for who we are. And rather than within us and I want you to welcome me for a second, realizing that life everything in life is connected. Everything is connected. Travis talked about the synchronicities and how 4 seconds later saved his life. He’s got he’s recorded how many times you. And I mean everything is connected, right? 

So, with that, if we truly understood that we would all walk, we would all basically show up in life understanding that we’re exactly who we need and exactly who everybody else needs, right. We would own who we are, our gifts, our talents. Right. And we would as Some of the gurus say we would. Focus on our strengths and who gives a crap about our weaknesses, because ultimately your weaknesses become your strengths. 

So, when you remember, we’re all connected and therefore, if I like if somebody came to me, this is where it’s gotten to in my brain. I understand the connection, so if somebody says, hey Aaron.   

You know can you help me out with the podcast. Do you know how to help me?  Out with the podcast? Yeah, you bet I do. Of course, I Meet Travis. Right. Do you know how to do this? I know how to do that. Meet Carol. Hey Aaron, if you. Know how to race a race? A street bike. Yeah, man, I know exactly. How to do that? Go talk to Carol. But most people think they can’t say I know how to do that unless they alone know how to do it. But when you think about how life is connected and you think the greatest minds in the world, and I’ll paraphrase Henry Ford, I know it’s not exact, but he’s like, I’m not the smartest guy. Just surround me with the Smartest people he knew. What I was talking about, right? When we realize that we own who we are. 

We understand that what makes our weaknesses strong is that we’re A-Team, we’re all connected, and we reach and. But because of our identities and feelings, we have to be more than and we can’t be wrong, and we can’t look stupid. We can’t look bad worrying about what people think about what we said, right? That has to be owned within yourself. And one thing I’ve learned is when people say I don’t care what people think. That’s the first sign that they care.  

Oh, that’s bull, yeah.   

If you didn’t care. You wouldn’t even have the thought of not caring. So, this kind of segues into how to. Like own who you are. And ultimately, I remember somebody bringing up to me recently about what it means to be beyond reproach, right? 

So I went and dove into the dictionaries and stuff and was reading about that and stuff and what it comes down to is. This doesn’t come down to having everybody perceive you in a certain way. It comes down to how you perceive yourself and being OK with that and being not OK, that’s the wrong word. Being centered in that and grounded in that, knowing that there’s going to be misunderstandings knowing we… There’s always more that we don’t know that. We don’t know. Always more. That we don’t Know… a vast ocean. Right, so I was. I’m like, oh, so that has to do with inside into the self. Again, everything comes back to what’s within you.   

but that means you need to do the work. To be really. You know, confident about the person that you. Most people haven’t. And again, that goes back to the reason why people are, you know, struggling and they have issues with depression and anxiety because they’re in that search, but they really haven’t done the inner work yet to become confident.   

You know, you see that America has been wrapped up in identity politics for the past couple of decades. And the reason that it’s so successful as a divisive tool is if you can have an opinion and you can onboard it into your being and created as your identity and then they can say that the other side is attacking, not an idea, but they’re attacking you personally because as part of your identity they can keep us distracted just long enough for us to get convinced that somehow we’re not all magical beings, like somehow we’re not all connected somehow we’re not all families.

I know all of us and at the zoo and I have traveled all over the world, and I know that I went to the Middle East for a year and I was a little worried about how I might be received over there and I was out for a walk and I was sitting in a park. Because, you know, in the Middle East they have parks. And I was shocked to find, I don’t know if you Guys know this, but they have Families over there too. There’s families, they have kids that run around and play, and moms and dads, they want the best thing for their kids and the kids squabble and fight. And it’s the same everywhere. 

Why do we allow society the news, the media, wherever you want to? Why do we allow these people power over our lives to try to convince us? That we don’t all just want the best for ourselves and each other. They convinced us that somehow some of these people are big groups of enemies trying to come after us, when really. They’re just trying to distract us.  

We are programmed out of the gate with imagery rather than essence falling away from essence and what we are is essence. So, what I mean by that is what you just said we’re they create these false identities in our mind. 

But in essence, when you think from essence, you can always be empathetic. But there’s been all these even sayings and this destination thinking that saying you can’t relate to other people because you haven’t been. What gone? Through what they’ve gone through. Yes, you have in essence. You might not have done the same things. Now let’s step up for another example. I’ve skydived. I’ve freaking taken my jet ski as fast as I could trying to get myself thrown up, but I’ve never gone around a motocross track on a motorcycle. But I know what it feels like in essence, to feel that adrenaline and to have to make a decision without thinking. About making a decision, right? So, in essence, I can relate to Carol, even though I’ve. Never been on a street bike like that, right. 

It’s the same in anything else, most people struggle with identity crisis. They struggle with self-confidence issues with self-worth issues and it plays out. In all these ways that we see. So, when you understand the essence and empathy. You can relate to anybody, because we’ve all had those issues in imagery. Yes, they’ve been different.  

Just different degrees too. I mean it’s absolutely 100% true. I mean you don’t have to ride a motorcycle to understand what it feels like to have the wind blow in your hair, right? And you can relate better than Travis.   

We talk, I get this, I get this gorgeous mane here. Just doesn’t get it as messy as you. I think you’re jealous.   

It’s true.   

I get the tangled mess.   

You’re jealous.  

Yes, yes, it’s horrible, but yeah, 100% and you know, just because you don’t experience the same exact things doesn’t mean you can’t understand to some degree what that feels like. And if people would just relate to each other that way, I think there’d be so much more Empathy and compassion in the world.  

I agree. And there’s nothing wrong with differences like. The whole. Let me bring up the term Namaste. So, when you think about that term? In essence, it means the soul in me bows and honors the soul. In you I meet. You where we’re both the same. Which means prior to gender prior to color, skin prior to nationality, traditions prior to political views prior to how much money you make prior to religious beliefs prior to whether you eat pineapple on pizza. And I do, you know, so it. It’s before that. Right. 

But we got fixed. That’s the essence. We get fixated on the imagery and we create our identity around the imagery. Right. And then when somebody attacks the imagery or we think it’s being attacked, like Travis said, we think we’re being attacked. But we’re not. Just like I can say, and this is on a deeper level, I can say your thoughts, my thoughts show the owner and the owned. They’re not one and the same, but people become their thoughts. The words, the identities, and then that’s the entity walking around, you could say, which is you could call it ego or synonymously. It’s just a subconscious mind enhancement program. Oh, it is what we call the personality. 

Right. So, you’re right. So many people are doing this. So, the question is how? Do we help?   You know that’s what I always think. And I always go back. It starts with insight into me, consistent, constant insight into myself. It has to, because whenever I get to a place where there’s an obstacle externally, it’s because it’s time to go within. And expand further within. And then I just naturally expand.   

Yeah, it’s so much easier though when you go in because you can get some perspective too. When you’re right there, you can’t be objective at all because you’re whatever you’re up against is your challenge. If you can kind of go into yourself, it gives you that space to get that perspective and view it from a different vantage point. And get the solution that you need to move through.   

I love it. I love, I love the focus.   

I love the fact that we’re talking about the internal journey, and I love the fact that we’re talking about the definition of words. If you’re listening to this right now and you’re getting wrapped around the axle, all those words and the definitions go take a look at what Congress does.

The first – I don’t Know however many – pages of every bill they write. They specify the definitions that they’re using of the words that they’re using in that bill. They want to make sure that you understand how they’re defining that as they’re putting it towards a framework to. Better this country because the definition matters. And if your definition of whatever the term is comes out and you are not on the same page, you’re going to have a problem. It’s going to be a big problem. No problem. It’s not going to be a problem. You have to really understand the words that we’re using so you can understand the meaning and the intent. 

And so many people just jump to conclusions instead of just assuming. That it was an honest mistake, like I have to fess. I messed up the recording of this thing as you’re listening. To it right now, Aaron signed up for next week. It didn’t show up on my calendar for today. I didn’t know why. I didn’t look that it was obviously scheduled for a week from now, so I manually entered it in there, like somehow the process didn’t work and Carol and Aaron did me the honor of showing up anyway because I messed it up and we just went ahead and went with it because. Everything happens for us, and you show up and.   

Well, with the flow through what it is that. You do regardless of the mistake that was made the mistake is the good stuff in life. It’s the weird things that happen. 

But Travis, is it really a mistake?   

No, that’s a good question.   

Think about it.   

Is it a mistake?   

Let’s look at that word.   

Right.   

Yes, let’s look at that word in an empowering sense in the entertainment industry. It’s called a mis take. And you want Mr. because it allows you to gain more perspective and do another take to get your vision full completely. Fulfilled. So, you want. Take #152 take. #1000 you want mistakes? Right. So, if you just separate that word and say it was a mistake, that means awesome. I have more info now. More variables I get to do it. Right. And when you pair that with presents.

This is kind of funny too. I was reading a few years ago on Facebook right. I was looking at Facebook and I like somebody’s post, so I went to see who they were, and I went to the top of their page, and it says they have a quote up there and it says, life doesn’t give you second chances; it gives you an infinite amount of first chances. 

Right. I’m like that’s such an awesome statement because it’s about being present and mistakes. And I’m like Aaron Ellis anonymous. I like. Is that my quote? Did I say that and said, yeah, you said it. On a on a, on a webinar, once. It was made. I’m like, I don’t even remember saying that. That’s really cool, but it. Was kind of. Funny that I got led to a Quote that I was like, and it took me back. I’m like this is great and I’m. Going all over the place. With it in my mind, and. Then I read it again and I saw my name under it. 

So, it’s funny right? To me, that was funny. But when it comes down to it, it’s just a mistake. Which means we. Now we know different success laws. We know the one about keeping your vision and your strategy separate. You want the strategies to fail. You want to make mistakes or have mis takes so you can gather more information and more data and craft it differently and do it again and.   

Perfect it. Yeah, there’s, you know, I love it when people say. You know, I’m failing. And you’re like, no, you’re not failing. You’re just finding out that that didn’t work and you can just refine it till it does. People have this horrible misconception about that word failure and really you know, I’m always a hey. Fail fast, fail hard so that you don’t have to do it. It again you. Know because in that you learn a Hell of a lot.   

We’ve all done it.   

It’s the empowerment of a word is all in the meaning. We give it. It’s just jumbled Letters from 12, at least in in English. 26 letters that we choose a group of letters, and. We put air. Behind it again, it can be thought about like words like statements like I’m doing the best I can. Most people are like doing the best I can. Right. But ultimately, what if you said “I’m doing the best I can”. Same words, but you’re saying I’m being present. I am failing. I’m doing the. Best I can right so it’s not. The words have Totally different meaning. Now the funniest way to really put this together is to realize what I’m talking about. Go tell you. Dog that they’re horrible. You’re such a. Bad dog. Oh my. 

God, their tails are wagging.   

Our brains are the same way. Our subconscious mind works the same way. It doesn’t know the language. The neocortex has the language. The limbic brain doesn’t, right? You can. That’s even a trick like that. I’ve worked with people, it’s an NLP technique when they have constant loathing, self-loathing. If you just change the voice, if you plug your Nose and say I’m horrible. I’m such a bad person, the brain gets confused. Because it doesn’t have the same essence going through the words, yeah.   

The word isn’t final, right? So many people cringe when they hear the word “no”. But think back to when you were a teenager or a kid, or if you have teenagers or kids and they come and ask you. And they’re like mom. Can I go to this party? There’s going to be other adults there. It’s going to be really cool. And you’re like, no, not tonight. I can’t do it. Mom, what is this? Mom says no, no, no. And by the end of the discussion, the kid got 1000 Nos. To get to the one, yes. Carol’s delivering the kid to the party and she’s driving home and you’re. Like she’s like. How on Earth did that kid talk me into it? I didn’t want to do it. I was tired. I said no 100 times, and I find myself just dropping the kid off. How in the hell did that happen? No, it’s not final. “no” is not bad? No, it’s just how the negotiation really starts, right? No, you can’t go. You got homework? Oh, no, no, mom, I already got my homework done. Well, you can’t go because your chores aren’t done. Actually, all my chores are done, and you’re just working through all this to turn it into a yeah.   

What if I wash the car tomorrow? Also, they start to negotiate. And wear you down, yeah.   

We don’t have a problem using it when we’re a kid, but somehow when we turn to adults and we hear that word, it shocks us to our core, I can’t believe I got no again. I can’t believe I failed. Babe Ruth used to whistle on the way back to the dugout after every time he struck out. And his teammates asking, like, why the hell are you whistling? He’s like just one more at bat till my next home run.   

Oh lovely.   

That’s awesome.   

Just one more strike. He’s the strikeout king and the home run king. He put every he put every effort of himself into that at bat. And you’re going to get one or the other. And he knew us every time he got one, he was one closer to the other. And he was right on with his life because that outcome had nothing to do with his intention. 

His personal identity wasn’t tied to the outcome. His personal identity was tied to intention, which everyone can control. Everyone does have a say in what their intention is. Look, not a whole lot of people can control the outcome, right? 

You can put some kind of number into an equation, and it should. How about the same? Every time. Right. You know what the outcome is going to be, but you can’t control it. You can only control the intent of what you put into the front and into the input into yourself. And that’s the stuff that really matters anyway. Aaron, tell us about a time when you were on tour, and you met one of your idols.   

So first I’ve never had any idols, so I’ll say that now.   

Never had any idols.   

I’ve never had any idols, and I’ve been around people in the entertainment industry and stuff. I guess you could say famous people if you would put it that way all my life to a degree, right? With that being said, there are people that I like always wanted to meet, but it wasn’t out of idolizing them. It was just like this is a cool dude I want to. Get to know that guy. How did he do this kind of stuff? Right, so. I think the time that comes to mind really kind of helped influence another facet of my life and another success area of my life which was health and fitness. 

So, this is a late 90’s rock never stops tour. There’s a band called Dokken and there’s a guitar player for docking and George Lynch. He was all jacked up, working out right, so he had a trailer behind them. Tour bus towing. I actually want to know how he is in shape because I actually started to get into fitness. I had people. One of the guys in my band was in really good shape, so I started to start to workout, which led me to this tour with George Lynch he was just jacked ripped right, and there he was telling a gym, literally a piece of gym equipment. All the roadies. Would either put it in the parking lot of the hotel or the venue and I started working out with this guy in ‘97. Right. 

So, I wanted to meet him because I always thought he was an incredible guitar player, right? And I wanted to meet him because, in that phase of my life, I was. Getting into health. And fitness, right? So, I wanted to meet him and it just kind of all coordinated and synchronistic ally came together where I’m sitting there and parking lots and venues, lifting weights out in.   The middle of Any city or state that we were in, so that was a really, really fun great memory. 

The other one that comes to mind is and it’s all from synchronicity, right? It’s all from synchronicity. I went too and I got to tell that whole story because I think we’ve talked about that so much. I think it’s important that people listen to this as much as they can, so they start looking for it. I was in an I was a little bit stressed in life and Maui was my go-to. I went to Maui like 13 times in One year I would just be in the Middle of the night 2. AM booked a trip to Maui Right. 

So, one of those times I went, I was just exploring more things I had studied so many things. I’d studied astrology, and I’d started numerology. I did all these different schools of thought; I did to learn more about myself. Like, how do I do? The things I do So, I studied what a tourist does right, and I’m not stubborn. I’m tenacious, just. Keep that in my mind so.   

No matter what you say. It’s the words. It’s the words.   

No matter what you say, I am not going to agree that I’m stubborn and I will be telling you that. I’m not stubborn. OK. Anyway, I was in Maui and I went to this metaphysical bookstore. You know, the crystals and stuff. But the reason I went is they had a Sensory deprivation tank. I don’t know if you did that, but you go in this tank where it’s pitch dark. You can’t see anything, can’t hear anything and it’s like thousands of pounds of sodium in the water. So, you’re actually floating like you don’t feel anything. It’s crazy. So cool. 

I got out. And I am just standing at the front and there’s this. There’s this magazine, like a local. Magazine and I started thumbing through it and I saw that ROM Doss, who had read be here now from the set of books from the 70s, was speaking at this Unity Church the next day. Like, oh, I’m going to go check out that day right now, prior to I read a lot of Wayne Dyer’s books, OK, but I see where to us. 

And so, I go in and I sit down at this, this. Sit down in this little church room, the Unity Church in Maui and I’m waiting for Ron Dust to come in and some guy comes up as. A kid and I’m Just fixated, like from dosh, right? Is this seat taken? No, it’s not. You sit there and I’m sitting there for a little bit and I hear a couple of laughs and I hear a couple of things. And of course, I’m like. It’s freaking Wayne Dyer sitting right next to me, right?  

It’s Wayne Dyer, right? So afterward I told him I said Hey, I’d love to talk to you. I’m going through some things trying to connect some more dots in my life. I’ve read these books that you’ve done and stuff. And he’s like, well, hey, I’ll tell you what you are doing? We were going to lunch, and I went to lunch with him and Eckhart Tolle and Ramdas that day.

And I was that was back in 2007. End of 2006, and I was friends with him up until his death and mentored by him, and like hung out with him. He had his writing space at Kaanapali Alii, which was right next to the Westin. So not only did I see him at that church, but I found out I was staying at the Westin. Was right next door to the Canali, right?

So, he and I think I talked about this. The last time you guys both might at least Carol, you saw me speak recently. I talked about Wayne Dyer helping me kind of integrate and understand. Life and how to communicate. He taught me how to connect those kinds of dots because I’ve always been kind of like. I’ve always understood that we’re spiritual beings having a human experience, as you could say, right? And I’ve been told, like, I remember him telling me like Aaron, you live in the depths and you take brief visits to the surface where most people live at the surface and take brief visit visits to the depth. 

So, he helped really integrate my being. You could say my physical, my body, and my spirit over a handful of years. So, but it wasn’t like me. That’s where the words you’re going to remember me. The little brain is idle, you know. I have everything from studying religions and gold idols and all this stuff. And then American Idol popped into my head and all these things rushed to My head.   

You’re welcome.   

So, I may have just explained those. Maybe some from some definition. You could say those were my idols. But there were just people I had, you know, wanted to meet and Synchronistic ally met.   

There are people that you admire, and think are cool. I think the way a lot of Americans use idol; I feel like that’s how I Tried to use it. Is just something that you really admire, like growing up you have. You’re kind of your sports hero, right? They’re not heroes, right? They’re not saving babies or whatever the thing is, right? They’re now fighting crime. 

Like, I grew up in northern Minnesota. And when I was pretty young, the Minnesota Twins were a formidable team. They won a World Series, in ‘87 and ‘91, and Kirby Puckett was always on my list. In fact, he was so popular that McDonald’s. These were called puck packs for Kirby Puckett, and there was like a little you get like a little mini helmet and you get, like, a Sunday, a hot fudge sundae in the thing, right? Like, that was the thing absolutely.   

Oh yeah, I remember those. Now those at Dairy Queen too. They had them at the dairy.   

Yes, absolutely.   

Queen too, by our house. All the little.   

So, I’m lactose intolerant. This is lost.  

No, no, I am too. It just doesn’t bother me. I don’t care, right? Like I’m having. This morning, like. Yeah, that’s going to hurt like Didn’t stop me.   

No, no, no, no mines. Not good. We do not touch milk whatsoever, anything. Diary is not. So when you start talking about Sundays and stuff, I’m like checking out.   

Remind me, Aaron, will spike her coffee with some Milk half and half.   

Of my coffee, which makes my throat.   

Let me. That’s why I like soy and almond Milk. Yeah. Sidebar goes ahead and finishes your story. 

So, we get to the ‘91 World Series, right? And it gets to game six and Curry bucket is he goes in the locker and he’s telling the guys he’s like, look, I haven’t really shown up for you all. Like his name was not and like it wasn’t high on the stat line. Wasn’t high on the defense count? Like he wasn’t showing up as a self. He’s like, here it is. We are going to do this; we’re going to come back and win this thing. Both the ‘87/’91 series. That each team won the home game, and it just so happens that the twins were the home team for the series. They had the extra game at home, and they won both games full series, but game six and game seven of the World Series in ’91.

He went just flat out off the rails. And amazing catches were hitting home runs. Everything that he was really there to do, and don’t we find that within ourselves every now and again? I know our friend Dan is talking about it. This is like you’re going to go on vacation three hours from now. You can get three weeks’ worth of work done in those three hours because you know what’s coming. We have this extra gear within ourselves and. We don’t feel like we can always operate that way for some reason. We tell ourselves that that’s only for special times where we can just unleash and flat out just do whatever the thing is. How do you access that part of yourself?   

I can talk to that one man. I love this topic, Travis. And this has been. Honestly, one of my biggest lessons of integration. Over the past year of my life. So, this is awesome that you bring this up so, so present day. For me, right so. I fully understand and have lived the fact that we don’t do things where we want to rarely when we need. To but when we have to, we do. And people were just that way, right, no matter how much I try to discipline myself or plan. If I can just get to have to, I’m going to do it. So now in the last, since I’ve really learned that from some of the people that we associate with for the last four or five years. I’ve really sought them to have TOS. That’s been my strategy to get myself to do it. Something how can I create a have too around this right?

So, I seek That so I one of the things that has been programmed in my subconscious. For about 20 years is first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning is where I am not yet free. Bring it on. So, I’m looking out anywhere. I don’t have internal freedom. In my life, and a few weeks ago, somebody’s like, how do you have no resistance in your life? I’m like well. Because I meet resistance with zero resistance. I look for resistance. I don’t resist resistance, right? 

So. With that and this is, it’s cool to understand this and how to integrate and really honor other people in your life, because that’s been a big Thing for me. This past year, so the way this went. For me was I had said. I’m recovering. As you guys will understand, maybe I shouldn’t say this on this. There’s a whole. Story behind this. But I’m recovering by giving too much to. Other people person. Right. Which we know in a certain law creates a certain kind of person and a certain kind of. Right. So with that, I would say too much. Yes, to too many things and all that kind of stuff. And I would, I would triple book myself like. That’s just because I shouldn’t be in control of my schedule. So that’s I’ve learned that that’s not. My lane. Right, I. That’s not my weakness, I need to write my strength becomes when I give my schedule to my wife, and she manages it so because of that. Way of looking at things because I look at life from a place of preference. Meaning I do not see anything worse or better than anything else. Or I can see the context of it, but. I also see the Right.

so, I Can say yeah. If Travis, if you want to go somewhere that’s east of your house and you start driving W, you might get there, but it would probably be better if you would just go in the direction you wanted to go, right? 

So, I can see the context. Good, bad, right, or? Wrong, but as a whole as an internal essence to myself, I just don’t have it. So, the way that played out is one of our mutual friends came to me in April, end of April, very end of April. And said, Aaron. I need to talk to you. Like, OK, it’s like what? I see what you’re doing. You know, we’ve talked about this before. You’ve asked me to call you out when this happens. When you’re doing too many things, you’re saying too. Yes, too many. Things are spread too thin. You’re sacrificing your health. All these kinds of things, right? He’s like if you don’t slow down, you’re going to have a heart attack. Right, so I listened and said thank you for sharing. But when I got off the phone. Literally, my reaction was Genius. That’s it.   

Now it took me till May 16th to manifest my heart attack, but that was my “half- to”, it was no different from Aaron. You need to take a course on time management. Well, that would be nice. I think I’d like to do that. Probably need to do that, but it’s not a have-to. So, for me, consciously, purposely choosing to have a heart attack was my have. And I don’t look at that any differently, but what I Learned from that Just because I understand life at that level doesn’t mean the people closest to me in my life do.  

And I want to also honor their path and where they’re at. Was it easy for my wife? Obviously not. You know what, I Mean. But I can still be true to who I am. I don’t need to. It’s it. It wasn’t like, well, that’s too bad. If I’m going to have a heart attack. He’s just going to deal with it because I need to be true to myself, to be able to have a heart attack. 

It wasn’t like that. It was actually an eye-opening thing for me. I got massively, massively on schedule. I do five hours of self-care from 5:00 to 10:00 AM every day and all these things happen. Right, but that was this whole slew of lessons for me that helped me further integrate how I am in the world in relation to other people and how to still help them along the way. Does that make sense? Because like to me it totally makes sense. 

What’s wrong with a heart attack is going to create more of a have-to than me looking for a course online How to Time manages me. It’s not going to happen, right? So, with that, you know it’s the last year has been a lesson of learning that and it’s been a lesson, if you could say, from other people’s perspectives, cleaning up messes. To me, they were not messes. They’re learning experiences, experience. And due to that other, the whole creating you know the whole exchange we talked about that Success law. 

I also had some partial exchanges, right? So, there were certain people that I interacted with that. Basically, we created an exchange together and I don’t feel I lived up to there to that end of it. So, I changed the dynamic. I changed the dynamic of it and said Hey, let’s do this instead because I didn’t. I don’t feel like I fulfilled what I said. It became partial. 

So, the beauty of that is I was able to do what I normally do, and I did that. And I also chose yes. I chose an extreme measure, right I choose. A crazy “have to” Most people wouldn’t think was a good choice. To me, it was a great choice. It did everything I needed to do with my schedule, my health, my personal self-care, my meditation, all that stuff. But it also brought me closer to understanding other people. And it helped me solidify relationships and further understand other people and how I approach life, and how it affects other people. So that I don’t… I can’t even remember what you said. That spurred that whole thing, Travis. But it literally lit up. Like, oh, this is awesome.   

No, it was. It was a fantastic explanation.   

How do we get that happening here?   

The question was how do you unleash that power within you and you talked about moving the “want to”  “must to” the “have to” when you have to get it done, you know before we hit record here I was chatting with Carol a little bit and I said to her that I haven’t really done a whole lot of just anything in February and she’s like, oh super. Super jealous, right? 

She really feels like she needs to give herself a break for me. Someone that’s kind of been bent on achievement. I’ve been feeling worthless the whole month because I haven’t done a lot of stuff right. So, because I’m geared for whatever reason to be an achiever and to get oh like the award hanging on my wall like that means it’s just a piece of, wood with varnish and some coloring. I got a second one I’m holding right like it’s just wood. Right. It’s the Gold Star. 

I’ve been collecting these gold stars my whole life. Like somehow that I’m not worth anything unless I’m pursuing and attaining these gold stars that have no special meaning. Having this thing doesn’t like to give me a superpower. It’s like, oh, now I can, you know, fly or now. You know, now I can do it. Like there’s no special ability attached to that, but because I’m so driven the same thing of having really not a lot to do in February had a much different effect on both Carol and myself, a much drastically different effect, and what it is and you know, same with the same water that boils the egg to make it hard. It makes the potato soft right?

You spoke about it earlier. The story that we tell ourselves when you get fired up and amped up right before they go on stage, you can tell yourself that’s excitement where you can tell yourself that’s anxiety. It’s the same exact feeling is the same, everything is firing, but the story you tell yourself about the thing matters far more than the thing itself. Far more than the thing itself.

And too many people put too much energy and emotion into things that don’t make a bit of difference. This is a pen, but it’s not the pen I wanted. Do you want to see some kid that’s really attached to that thing. Bring the kid a cup that’s not their cup. Oh my God. Oh my God, this is not my cup. I will not drink.   

Out of the pink one, only the teal one, whatever the thing is the parents. Know this without a doubt and beg and plead with these micro humans to give them the cup of choice so they can get peace of Mind. But it isn’t so interesting how so many people view the same event, the same circumstance, and the same thing in a completely different way.   

Well, I said I was jealous. Because I am busy, I get to do everything I love.   

Right.   

That’s the only difference I would like some time off, but you know, I’ll make time when it’s due time.   

When your body breaks down and says, If you don’t go to sleep, I’m going to put you to sleep like some **** your dad would threaten you with, right? 

OH, there you go.   

Let’s threaten ourselves.   

Well, it works. It works. He knew that getting the heart attack, Aaron knew this, that it would force him into a whole different slew of having to Because it would be really, it’s different than a doctor threatening. Like, if you don’t make some changes, you’re going to have a heart attack. And that’s supposed to be the fear for Aaron. That was like that is the thing that I need. For a catalyst for all these things in my life, we talk about this stuff all the time, and the group that we’re in, you know what makes really long and lasting change. It’s either we have to reprogram ourselves, which can take a long time and it is effective, or you could have so much emotion forced into a single moment in time that that decision is enough to catapult you into that whole new world that you want. And reprogram you in an instant instead of overtime. Both work. One is violently effective. 

Hey, Aaron. As we’re getting ready to come to a close here, this has just been a phenomenal discussion about all the different rabbit holes that we tend to go down as people and how we think and reveal and uncover… what advice would you have for someone that is maybe struggling with who they are and trying to get to the internal journey to make themselves more of who they are.   

Step into the struggle. 

Like, literally seek within yourself. Learn about yourself. Any way that arises? Ask what meaning you could ask people for. What should I study? What book should I read? Or you could walk into a bookstore as I used to, and something falls off the shelf and that’s the next book you read. You know, just literally step into insight into yourself. 

That’s constant, and this goes to leadership in the whole destination. Taking the virus or action people think that being a leader is something to aspire to and become, but ultimately, we’re all leaders where we’ve let ourselves so far and leadership is and always only is leading ourselves. Ultimately, when we understand too that people don’t do what we tell them to do unless it’s completely congruent with what we’re saying, what we’re thinking as well. So, insight into the self is always my first my go my first, final, second, third, 5th, and 100th suggestions and encouragement to people.   

Yeah, there’s not some magical thing outside your house that’s going to make you fulfilled. It’s not some magical relationship. It’s not some magical stock market ticker for the day that’s going to make you feel more fulfilled if you are completely empty on the inside, you win the lottery. You’re going to be empty inside. You’re going to be able to afford more pizzas or a fancy car, but as soon as that money is gone, you’re still in the same place. You’re still the same person. It doesn’t matter what that external thing is. If you’re not taking care of yourself. And then, Aaron, How do you want people to get ahold of you if they want to reach out?   

And all my social media is Aaron Ellis official. So, whether it’s LinkedIn or my website is aaronellisofficial.com. They can reach out to me there. They can message me on LinkedIn, Facebook, on any of the platforms, whatever their favorite one is. I’m happy to engage with them.   

Thank you so much, Aaron. We appreciate this deep dive into self today.