Letting Go of Your Ego to Find Success with Marques Ogden

Hey guys, welcome back to the show. I’m Carol Carpenter, and this is my co-host, Travis Johnson, and we have a special guest today for our show, Marques Ogden. Hi Marques. 

Hello, how are you, girl 

Very good. Marques was drafted in 2003 as an offensive lineman in the NFL. After five years, he decided to retire and pursue a construction and contracting career profession, he founded Kayden Premier Enterprises. Marquez is also a speaker, executive coach, best-selling author, and marketing leader. He loves to help others become successful. Welcome. 

I admire how well you are doing. 

Oh, I’m doing fantastic as always, and I always start the show with the same question, Marques. Inquiring minds want to know: What is it about you that piques people’s interest? Are you a Titan?

What makes me a Titan is that I’ve lost everything and had to rebuild and rebrand myself from scratch; when I moved to Raleigh, I had only $400.00 to my name. After losing my construction company due to something I owned and when I got down here, I had to just start over from Ground Zero.

And today we’re a very successful keynote speaking and executive coaching, and consulting brand. I was a podcast brand ambassador, but I had all the time. It took me years to build 2 1/2 because I didn’t have a single-paying job. So, what makes me a Titan is that I was able to sustain myself and keep going. Everybody told me, “Marques, you’re crazy, you’re insane, you’ll never have success as a speaker, coach, consultant, ambassador, or podcast host 

You have a lot of haters in your circle, don’t you?

That’s exactly how it is. 

There are a lot of haters just in life, man. Who are in my circles? Only people on social media were unaware that you had met and that you were attending different football camps. Oh man, stay working as a football trainer. You’re all going to stay in the old-line Coach, do that. You know, be a college coach at Campbell. You know all this; they’ll get free Waffle House for life and all this stuff at Campbell and be like that.

Well, no, I don’t want to be that; I want to do more and go for more, so that’s how I push myself, and now here we are today.

I’m sorry you had me for free, give me Waffle House for life. I might be. Interested? What do I have to do to get that?

Well, Coacher Campbell, it could be a part of it. It might be part of the job is Campbell’s. I’m writing that down.

I’m Campbell’s point of contact. I don’t know why they would hire me, but I’m interested.

You wouldn’t, wouldn’t you?

I love how people want to give you advice even if they aren’t in your shoes. They don’t know what you think. They don’t know the person that you are, and yet people are so willing to give you advice. I know when I started down my road into the motorcycle world, my brother and my family thought I had lost my freaking marbles, you know, and they said to me, “You just need to go get a job. You simply did what you needed to do. Should… the world should right Travis?”

It Should is a cuss word

And I just sat there, thinking they had no idea who I was. They just assume I’m having a midlife crisis. They didn’t even bother to ask me why I’d chosen to go down this route, but they told me I should not do this because I would somehow kill myself.

It is very interesting how people who don’t know what is inside of us tell us how to live our lives. That’s unfortunate because they’re usually projecting their negative emotions, and fear on us, and It’s quite unfortunate because, in reality, there’s so much you can gain from life if you learn to look at it from a hosted perspective, stop judging people, and give people a chance to do what they want to do with their lives.

Yeah, I fully agree. I know you mentioned in your Oprah interview that you lost your construction company to zero. What do you attribute that to?

Oh, I lost that to my ego. There’s just no doubt about it. I mean, my ego was bigger than King Kong, bigger than any type, and it was all about me, me, me. And I was so self-absorbed. One of my talks that I give It’s called self-absorption, which causes self-destruction, and it’s just so much about me and myself and what I wanted and not what everybody else wanted. 

I would fire you if you didn’t agree with me. If you questioned me, I would be like, “What are you thinking?” Why are you talking? I don’t know what you’re talking about, and I chased money. And I chased fame. I chased what I call external murdering factors, and as a result of that, I ended up flat on my back in 2013.

You became a dictator.

Yes, very much so. 

And I say there’s leadership. And then there’s a dictatorship. They believe in leadership. They communicate. They talk. They don’t do things like be, you know, aggressive or shout.

You need to follow your character ethics as a leader. Ethics, rage, rage, lust, anger—not by the exact, not by the personality—loyalty, honesty, trust. 

It sounds like karma as if ***** slapped you in the *** 

*** Or it sounds like a great weekend in Vegas. 

I inform everyone. You will not be successful if you do not handle success well. A success handed me my *** in 2013 when I lost everything. 

What was the Oh yeah, what was the tipping point? because obviously, you felt it. You felt it in your pocketbook. You felt it in your circles. You felt it. What was the thing that caused that switch to let go? Your ego will certainly allow you to build your life. the way you wanted to build it.

When I was a custodian in 2000. Team, I had my spoiled milk moment of clarity with somebody’s trash. Rotten, nasty, funky, shooting garbage got all over my body, skin, and clothes, and that was my wake-up call, and as a result, I said, “Wow.” Marques, your ego, and Your bravado put you here. You’ve got two choices. Either owns it, fix it, and move on, or continue to be a victim and say it’s everybody else’s fault, and you’ll always be right here for the rest of your life.

That is a world-class realization—understanding exactly what role you had to play in your demise. That is something a lot of people understand.

Yeah, because what happens is you have to take what’s called the accountability mirror and put it back in your face, and a lot of people don’t want to do that because a lot of people don’t want to own their mistakes. They want to say I made a mistake, but you did this. Oh, I made a mistake, but you did that. There’s no but. You did that. It belongs to the state; fix it and move on. You are either a creator or a victim. No, it’s in the twin.

I 100% agree with you. Did you find that you really could? Who were your friends during that time 

Oh yes, absolutely. You know that people who are there for you in downtimes are what matter most, and you know it’s easy to like me today. I mean, podcasting is in the top 1%. You know that’s How I Met, and Travis gave us some great feedback, which we’re implementing right now with our podcast. 

You know we are having a meeting with our team and We’re going to start working on you. My external man will only take her for five hours. Up from monthly time with me and dedicated to the podcast. So, I’m excited about that. See, in the old markets, it was like, “Oh, I’m up 1 1/2%.

 I’ve made you know that the podcast has generated almost six figures in sponsorship. I don’t need Travis’s help. Thanks a lot, Travis. 

The new man says, Travis, thank you so much for giving us some feedback and analyzing what we could do better. Let’s implement that we’re not a 6-figure podcast. Is this going to be a seven- or eight-figure podcast? And that is the difference between now and ten years ago. All somebody has is credibility. Once there’s some feedback, and I know that what they’re saying makes sense, I’m going to listen all day. The old markets Now I’m good; I’ve got everything. I’m straight; I make a bunch of money. I don’t need your help.

Well, we appreciate you going on that journey and realizing you’re not the be-all and end-all, I know that for myself, I’ve struggled with my ego. I know Carol was a huge egomaniac back in the day; I don’t know if I’m making it up, but everyone has this thing about themselves that they’re not willing to admit, exposing the fact that they are unwilling to share. They’re not willing to admit that everyone has that dark corner of their personality; you know, it just so happened that yours stole from your bank account and caused your life to crumble. 

We do know you played in the NFL, and you got the chance to play with your big brother, Jonathan Ogden, who’s a guaranteed first ballot hall of Famer. What was that experience like? You know, finally making it to the show and getting to spend time with your brother?

It was fantastic being in the NFL and having my brother support me and help teach me the game of football to help make me a better person and a better athlete. It was super important because, as young athletes, we all need that guidance. We all need to know that you know that ability to move forward, and if we don’t have that, we’re not going to get where we want to go. So how did my brother help teach me and educate me? That was important in my NFL Career and allowed me to play for almost six years in the National Football League

What made you decide to make a Switch and retire?

Well, I have some back injuries, and I may have some issues. You know, with knees and things like that. So, as you get older and realize that you’re not in peak shape, you have to decide that you want to leave the game. 

You either stay too long in the game or you rush out with nothing that can be put in a hollow anymore. It’s time to move on, and I say, you know what I can’t play at the high level anymore; it’s time to move on.

That’s one of the hardest decisions for a lot of pro athletes. I know we talked to Reggie Walker and David Carter about understanding where you are and that cycle from awesomeness to being on the decline or trying to do something next. You know it’s hard, especially for a young man, to be like, you know, you’re in your early or mid-20s, and suddenly… You’re not as effective as you once were, and you still have the rest of your life ahead of you, but all you’ve ever known is football, making that decision is pretty tough.

Oh yeah, absolutely. It’s because you realize that you have to now embark on a scary part of life: corporate America in real life America in real life. Going to get a job is like, if you have enough money to retire, you still have to work, which takes up your time, so it’s a hard transition. 

Unfortunately, I feel bad for Tom Brady, who divorced his wife, but I feel that is probably part of it, that he doesn’t know what to do with his time, and what’s sad is that he has a $350 million contract waiting for him to go and be a broadcaster. 

But it’s not about the money for Tom. It’s about the challenge. It’s about waking up every day and pushing and wanting to be great. Right, and you can only do that in the National Football League for him, right? That’s just his sport. That’s what he knows. He’s not quite ready to walk in. from the game, and it’s unfortunate, you know. I think if he was, I don’t know if he’s sitting there or not, but I can understand that’s a lot for him, and that’s why a lot of guys don’t walk away because they’re all about the competition, and the drive to be the best.

Yeah, they have to learn to shift gears. If you can’t play the sport anymore, find something else that excites you. That engages your senses and can fulfill you in similar but not identical ways.

It’s the fact that that sounds so easy and so simple, but it’s so hard because so many guys don’t know what to do next after the game. 

I can imagine 

And I was one of those guys, so I know exactly what that fear and that anxiety are all about. 

What made? You choose construction.

Honestly, the wrong reason. Chasing money and wanting good checks I didn’t know anything about construction. I was all about trying to make money, and I did that, and I achieved that. But unfortunately, as I was making money, I wasn’t prepared for this success that I was experiencing, and it got the best of me. It cost me everything. 

I tell you when you are transitioning from one thing to another in your life. I retired from the Navy after 22 years. If my identity was locked in and on to the military in February of 2022, that’s who I was as a person, and that’s a difficult thing to transition from when they say when you’re going through the military career, you’re going to have a bottle of bourbon at the end of your career. In your family or you’re just going to have a bottle of bourbon, and that was one of the lessons I took away. I cultivate my family and spend as much time with them as I can while the Navy has its hooks in me, and that sounds like a lesson that Tom Brady hasn’t learned yet but will by the end of the game he has his rings and his check, but is he also going to have his family at the end of it? It doesn’t seem like that was something that he learned over time. 

Yeah, and it’s quite unfortunate because, as you know, everybody learns differently. Everybody has a different timetable. But it doesn’t make it any easier because they all go through trials and tribulations, including me. We just don’t know what to do with that time, and luckily for me, I didn’t do as much damage as I could have done with the bottle and everything else. When I figured it out, it went well, but unfortunately, as I was saying earlier, the success I was having was not self-sustaining because I was my biggest enemy. 

So, how did you end up? Upping your stride to what you’re currently doing

So, I ended up going home after I lost everything. I went home after that epiphany as a custodian. And I wrote down my three greatest strengths, as well as what I discovered: I was a good communicator. I was a great storyteller. I wanted to help people and that launched me getting into construction. Excuse me, that launched me into Keynote speaking in 2013, unfortunately, for WOW’s 2 1/2 years, I did not have one paid job because I had no experience. I had no doubt, and I was chasing money. But what got me into it was that I wanted to help people. I wanted to share my story. And it was because of this that I lost my speaking career in September 2013. 

Commercial break 

What’s something about you that a lot of people don’t know?

A lot of people don’t know that…. I mean, people know about my story. People know about everything I’ve gone through, but I’d say a lot of people don’t know that our podcast is only four months old. The new one is having a lot of success, but a lot of the time you don’t also know that, I guess you don’t know, I started a podcast in 2017 that failed miserably after the recording lasted for about 3 weeks, and I quit after that.

Let’s see what happens. Let’s talk about something that people don’t know about you not on a business level, personally. 

I would say people don’t know. I have probably close to or over 150 tattoos. People don’t know that very much. I’ve always been a big tattoo person. Double sleeve, full back, and chest. And I got those as a result of my father’s death, and I started making my body my family’s temple just didn’t stop for about four or five years, and I just wrapped a lot of tattoos, which I’m very proud of to this day, though, I don’t realize that because the reason I got them was my father’s passing away, which kind of started my whole trajectory with my tattoos. 

So, is this a theme? Is this like a Pay homage to your family by ensuring that each tattoo has a meaning or significance to someone or an event? 

Someone from my family participated in the event, which is something I’ve gone through before, such as having Buffalo soldiers tattooed on my right arm because my father went to Howard University. Little is my nickname. OH, my plastic name was original. Oh, I had that. on my body, My grandfather’s name is My uncle, who passed away, and my grandmother both passed away. My father’s death date is tattooed on my collarbone. I have a trip to my father planned. His portrait shows the year he was born and passed away. You know that kind of stuff.

Oh, I love that stuff because I too have tattoos, and I remember the very first tattoo I ever had was when my children were young, and I walked through their daycare and this woman came up to me. And they said… Is that real? My first thought was, “What do you mean?” Is it real? Is it a real permanent tattoo, as if somehow it would just stick temporary tattoos on me? And I just said Yes, and you know what a ***** she was. She walked away and said “Wow, you’re brave,” he said, and I thought to myself, “What does this ****ing man like?” 

If it was in the South, she would have said, “bless your heart.”

Awesome. That’s awesome. 

Yeah, I get it about things that mean something to you that you tattoo as if you’re going to tattoo something. That doesn’t mean you should **** on yourself. That’s permanent. 

Got it. 

Right? 

Tell me about the impact that your dad had. If you don’t tattoo him, it was his first tattoo, which must have meant a lot to everything you’ve done and built.

Oh, he was everything you’d expect from a single father. He was hardworking. He was loyal. He had a ton of friends.

When he passed away, he had about 1000 people at his Funeral, I mean waving retired players—you know the ones I’m talking about. At the time, we spent all of our practice time at his funeral, which was incredible. I mean, he was the personification of someone who wanted to help others, so I was extremely fortunate to have him as my father without him. Wow, my life would have been so much different.

Oh yeah, absolutely. Did he die before or after your construction company?

Before. If I had had him alive during that time, I would have never gone out of business because he would have kept me in line to make sure that I didn’t do anything stupid like let my ego get the best of me.

It’s so interesting, no matter what phase of life you’re in. We are both and. We always need those other people to keep us in line as people, and Travis, well, tell me what the **** You were thinking? And be like, “Oh, I wasn’t thinking at all.” I appreciate you.

Exactly what I was, I didn’t have. Is anyone to help keep me alive? That’s what that was the biggest mistake that I made when I didn’t have anyone to keep me in line. I got out of line, which is what led to my demise in 2013, because I didn’t have anyone to check me, and it’s going to check me even.

I’m a firm believer that accountability Responsibility and hard work are the two biggest things that help anyone in any venture that they’re doing, I know that I’m the bad guy or the villain, and a lot of people’s stories and a lot of them Sometimes it’s because I wanted to hold them accountable before they were ready to be held accountable.

Well, that’s what you call a real friend, because if you’re not going to hold me accountable, then you’re going to get away with anything. If you go with anything, you’ll just do anything, right? So, if you don’t have someone to check on you or if you’re not self-sufficient, you’re going to drop the ball, and we all need people to check us to keep us in line, so we don’t get out of line

Absolutely, hey, Carol. Who’s the person that keeps you in line?

Ollie

Yeah, yeah, we talk about everything

So, we check in multiple times a day, and I have a boyfriend who lives out of the country, but we talk about everything, and there are things that we ask each other for advice on. Maybe we’ll talk about what’s currently going on. and we keep each other in check. And I love you. I love having that type of relationship.

Awesome! That’s very rare. 

Yeah, trust me; I know I’m old. I know that’s unusual, but it’s fantastic.

If you haven’t already, you’re listening and haven’t heard Carol’s story, it’s out there and lives… and you can hear about it in one of our episodes.  She learned lessons in her life and went through all the people to try to find the one that was going to hold her accountable. Check out that episode.

Better late, better late than never, yeah. 

I 100% agree.

Absolutely, hey, as we’re about to. I know we’re short on time today, as we’re getting ready to wrap up here. 

Can you share with the listener some advice you might have if they’re going through something, their ego is in the way, or they don’t have accountability in their lives

Great quote by Aristotle. In a time of extreme darkness, focus on the light.

I believe that meant you needed to recognize that you are the light that you have. The ability to see through any darkness, but you must recognize it and rely on yourself. Two people look for other people to help them out of a situation, which is good, but it’s a thing nobody should want to do when you want to help yourself. If you’re not willing to get in there and do it and get in the trenches to get your elbows dirty, don’t even bother trying to be successful. 

So, I believe what? All that was meant was that we are the light, and we can overcome any darkness we face, whether it be adversity, obstacles, death, mourning, trashy divorce, or anything else, but we must recognize that we are the light, and that is what will get us through everything and that we face.

Oh, I love it. Love it. And before you go, please tell me: Where’s the one place you want people to find you and connect with you online

Yeah, and go to our website. Please visit www.marquesogden.com, and listen to our podcast. Get authentic with Marques Ogden on Apple Spotify. Google, iHeart Stitch, Pandora, and Amazon You are aware of what you have created. Check us out; we think you’re going to love the content. We just hit the episodes published yesterday. Check us out; we think it would be a lot. It would be a lot. Our website will provide you with a lot of value and great content. Our visitors’ stories inspire us

That’s fantastic.

Thank you so much for being here today. Marques carving out the time I know you’re probably at the park with your daughter, and that just shows your dedication as a father and who you are as a man. We appreciate that.

Yes, sir, I’m at the ice-skating rink right now while she’s skating on the ice and not doing a podcast, but that’s called balancing and managing your time effectively.