Reclaim Your Life with Andy McDowell

Hey, welcome to the show. I’m Carol Carpenter and this is my ridiculous Co-Host Travis Johnson sitting there laughing hysterically.

And our special guest today is Andie MacDowell. Andy, do you prefer Andy or Andrew?

Oh. Andy. The only person who calls me Andrew is my mother; if she calls me that, I’m in trouble.

OK, all right.

Andy is the founder of generating your value, an entrepreneurial and small business coaching and consulting firm, as well as the co-host of his podcast, generate your value podcast.

Welcome to the show Andy

It’s great to be here. I can’t wait to hear what everyone has to say could throw at me. 

Oh boy. 

This is a fairly simple, straightforward show, so I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Well, that’s not what I’ve been told 

Our secret’s out, Carol. People are talking about us. And it’s always amazing.

So, start with the question, Travis.

I wanted to say something before I asked the question I always start with: we been doing this show, we have been getting this buzz of people wanting to be guests on the show we had Joshua B Lee, which we know was the first episode that we released, and he’s like, “It’s the most fun I’ve ever had as a podcast guest ever.” 

It’s kind of true because we have a great time on the show, and when we hit record, we were laughing because, as you might expect, I was already talking **** before we hit record, so we’re right in the middle of the episode. We already have high energy, and we’re going to bring that even higher today. 

I’m taking Andy, who used to work for Boeing; I am not going.  I’m talking to Andy. What makes you a Titan?

So, a couple of things, Considering the career side, there are not many people in this world who can say that they helped both the Chinese and Russian governments prepare their airports for their Olympic Games in 2008 and 2014.     

I have two patents. Or I could say I’m a co-author on two patents. Boeing owns the patents, but it was a co-worker who came up with the idea.

So that’s the work/career where I have the Titaness if you will. 

That is why we brought you on the show, but those things aren’t why you’re a Titan. 

They are the result of you being a Titan.

Probably one of the few people in this world who is both strong on left and right brain stuff. When I go on as a guest on other podcasts. People say “wait a minute, you’re a Georgia Tech grad. You’re an engineer, yet you have this strong, creative side. You are a musician, a guitarist, and a photographer, it doesn’t compute for me, because most people think they’re one side of the brain or the other side of the brain”

You know my strength in business was on the strategic side, and that’s because I had the creative side to think outside the box. Get out of the sandbox and think about things. And, oh, by the way, I can also tell you whether that idea rea any chance of success, because I can dig deep into the airspace and design very complex technical subjects and get in the weeds. There aren’t many people you could say that about.

So, you’re a Titan because you use your whole brain, is that what’re you telling me?

Every square inch of my brain is used.

I try to use a little less than 1/2, but I don’t want to use too much energy.

Are you saying you have an energy management issue?

Uh, well, I used to have an energy management issue, but since I retired from the Navy, I only really do the things that I have to do. 

When you’re younger and don’t have much discernment, a whirlwind comes your way, and you start getting spooked up for no reason. It’s not your damn circus, but you find that you’re trying to chase down the monkeys anyhow. I stopped doing things like that stuff, right? 

So, I allow my energy to be used for what I want to use it for. I was going to say the power of good, but we also know that it’s not just necessarily the power of good that I use my energy for. But I worked hard the last couple of years to keep drama out of my life. 

Understanding it’s not my monkeys It’s not my circus that energy vampires exist. And if you take vitamins, they’re going to suck the life out of you. I’ve defined hard on those things.

So, I agree with you. As you get older, you understand the value of time and where you want to get a return on your investment of time.

You know, we talk a lot about that resource called money. The old dollar bill and so on speak about getting a return on your investment, the greatest constraint in terms of resources that you have in your life is your time, and as you get older, you appreciate it more and more, and you start avoiding the drama, vampires, and everything else because it’s like U h, I don’t get any return on it, and It just sucks the life out of me.

Well, time is finite. You don’t get more time.

That’s why it’s constrained and you don’t get any more.

Exactly, but the return on that particular time investment does not have to be monetary. It can fill you, right? It can be something that you do with your friends, and that friend might need your help, which gives you fulfillment to help them because they are someone you care about right, so it’s not. Always monetarily.

Is this problem It has been accepting be used in so many different ways.

So, it’s all about value, right? And value comes in different shapes, sizes, and colors, right? So, time is something of value to you and it’s not. It’s not printed on a piece of paper, so

So, you’ve always been completely left-brained and only slightly right-brained? Or is there something that happened or something you were encouraged to write about throughout your life to cultivate that said?

Growing up, I was very much left-handed, which is why I went into engineering, being strong in math and very analytical. I would say more of a journey for me on the right side, I had…

This show is going to expose me

I didn’t say anything of the sort.

Well, oh, don’t you try to act innocent.

I talk a lot on my podcast about my journey. My life journey is about self-esteem. And I had bad self-esteem in high school, college, and my early twenties. 

You understand where creativity comes from out of love. And when you don’t have a lot of self-love, it’s hard to be creative. It’s difficult to believe in yourself, care for yourself, and say that. I’m going to try some things, and I’m probably going to fall off my horse and have to get back up again, so to speak to continue on this journey of creativity.

To keep shame and other things out of your life when you do that, you have to be filled with self-love, which I don’t think is good for my creativity journey… I didn’t start singing till I was in my late 20s. I had gone. I’ve been to therapy and done work to work on myself from a self-esteem perspective.

Would you say, singer? Are you talking like a church? Are you singing karaoke or performing on stage? What do you mean by this church?

Church. 

My wife at the time was in the choir, and she urged me, saying he has heard me singing a little bit in the house or whatever, and you ought to join the choir with me. She’s been in Choirs, it’s high school with her school, and so on. Joined the choir. Enjoyed it. 

The music director at the time approached me and said, “I’d like for you to try doing a solo, and, by the way, that first solo is the first piece of the second half of the Messiah. It’s written for a tenor, which I was, and there’s a lot of up and down, up and down, up and down of notes, and so on. And I knocked it out of the park. From that perspective, that started my singing journey.

But that helped. your self-esteem didn’t it Andy, I mean being

Yeah, once I was through it and I got the accolades, it started helping me develop some confidence from that perspective, and today I’m up in front of, 150 / 200 hundred people every Sunday with a guitar and singing in a church praise band. So, it’s been a journey, but that journey wouldn’t have existed if I hadn’t. I reclaimed my life. I went to therapy, read books, and so forth to say this is not the life I want for myself, and I’m going to do what I need to bring the power back to me because I was giving it to everybody else:

Oh yeah, yeah.

I was looking for validation and so forth from everybody else, and it said no. I’m going to reclaim that power.

That is where my journey is currently taking me. Be comfortable with that vulnerability, getting the energy behind it, and getting the energy for others.

Yes, the more you tell it, the less hold it has on you.

Tomorrow, I start the process of getting trained to do a TEDx talk with Dan Young in front of a crowd with Ted X. One of the things I’ll work on is bringing that energy to that 15-minute talk to get people fired up and inspired and so forth. But this is my true personality, and I’m an introvert learning to be an extrovert. 

So that’s the art of my life journey: to be even more and more extroverted and bring that energy.

When You go through hardships. The splendorous came out of it. And the truth is, everybody has to come out of it. It’s how we choose to relay that message to everybody else out there. If they know you can come out of it, and you know what we’re always talking about, what’s the one thing you know after going through difficulties—you survived?

You survived.

Right? 

Came out the other side.

You came out the other side, your message to others can be **** man. That was difficult as ***. I learned a lot. It sucked. But I’m here now.

Well, it sucked like hell.

I have it on good authority that hell sucks.

Do you 

You’re welcome, and I apologize for telling her on good authority. That hell sucks, right?

You found the sources, huh?

Personally, yes. 

Yeah, well. 

I know a guy.

Do you know? 

I know a guy. 

The big thing that people miss is that everyone has a story about something that happened to them. It might not be a capital-T trauma like it was in my life. It can be lower-case T trauma, but it is still trauma. 

You know, Michael Ravenwood, it’s still something that happened. Michael just spoke with us. He talked about how he wasn’t feeling loved in his household, and although his parents had the basics covered, the things that they were focused on were likely just running a damn household, and didn’t know how to convey to him that he needed that kind of love and that we as parents could provide it. 

We **** up our children because what we’re focusing on is what we were missing, and what they’ll be missing when they become heroes that’s what they’ll be focused on, and they’ll miss something else. 

And the big tragedy is waiting too long to have that conversation with the parents. You ******* me up

I remember having this conversation with my dad. Because my daughter had just had it with me, and I was thinking about my dad, and he told me, “Let me tell you what I did to your grandma, right?” Every generation has that story where their parents did something to mess them up. 

Whatever The thing is, and it’s not that you know we’re incapable or bad people or any of that stuff, it’s that we simply don’t know how to do all that stuff. And generally speaking, especially in America, we have kids when we’re young. We’re still in our trauma. We don’t know how to pay the damn bills now that you’ve got this creature who is completely reliant on you for everything. And you don’t know what the **** you’re doing?

Yeah, I mean it. What I learned in therapy was the whole issue for me was my relationship with my father. My father’s heart was in the right place. I mean, this is how I learned your parents are human, right? We like to put our parents on a pedestal and think they’re perfect, but the reality is, they’re human, right? 

So, whenever I run into a problem, it’s not a problem like being in the principal’s office or being robbed at a bank, kind of trouble is, it’s more like I’m having problems with a homework assignment or something of that nature. My dad’s nature was to just take over the problem and do the work. As a result, I didn’t learn how to fish. He didn’t teach me how to fish He wasn’t a coach. Uh, he wanted me to do well, bus in his mind, I had to take over and do it so that my son could get a good result. The work. 

He’s a fixer.

He’s a fixer, so what was going on with me was happening subconsciously saying you’re not good enough.

Right? 

Right? Dad had to take over. He had to do the work for you, so you’re just not worth ****

They have given you the tools.

They give me the tools and say it’s OK if you get to see this. No big deal. What matters here is your efforts and you learn them, and you and I can sit down after I see your grade and your effort. Look at your effort, think about ways we can approve it next time, and be a coach through all this effort and say it’s worth my investment in time

But my dad was in corporate sales, sales leadership he was traveling all the time, and he was coming home and thinking, “I only have so much time to take care of things at home, and I’ve got a lot to take care of before I have to hit the road and go do something else.”

So, I’m sure that was part of the equation when he was saying, “I don’t have the time to coach as I’d like to coach.” So, I’m just going to take over and get the job done and be on my way…kind of thinking.

Yeah, so he was trying to do it right away to get an immediate result.

Exactly, it wasn’t investing. It wasn’t an investment in me; it was an investment in getting the job done, per se. And moving on

Now, I’ve been that guy with the military and having a family and trying to do college and education and everything else that the military requires of you.

If you give, they just demand more. Right, and my wife and I were a fairly young couple. We had our daughter. I don’t remember if we had her daughter and our son at this time or if we just had her daughter. 

We would go home, and she was home all day, and something as simple as a cup being left on the counter ruined her entire day. Because it showed that I didn’t care for her right, and then there’s me working and dealing with all the demands at work and coming home. “I just need like time to unwind, and this was a great discovery,” I’d say “Babe if you’re mad about a cup and that’s your big concern, man, our lives are ******* fantastic if you’re.” If you’re that upset about a cup, man, everything else in our lives that truly matters is amazing.

Yeah, let’s pick our battles here, people.

Yeah, I discovered that when I got home, I needed to perform a mini ritual in my car… my truck, depending on what year it was…. before I walked into the house because as soon as I went in the house, I needed to be a husband, I needed to be a dad, I need to be anything else they require, and if I don’t put in the effort, they will be without me to take off work and then get out of work mode. Before I went in there, it was just going to cause conflict. 

So, the same thing happened to me when I went to college full-time it made sure because I had already learned my lesson. I made sure. that I didn’t leave. the library at school until all the homework was done because as soon as I walked in there into the house, I had to be there for them, and if I was distracted, and it sounds like this is where your dad was, He couldn’t fully take off of work when he was in the house because there was always something more to be done.

Right? 

Right, yeah? 

I mean, there are other instances too. My dad is in the Illinois Baseball Hall of Fame. And the sport that I played in high school was baseball. And on occasion, he was in town. He came to watch my game. And when we get home, sitting at the dinner table, he’s being a coach again, but a coach of, “Well, you didn’t do this well.” He didn’t do that well. You need to work on this. 

was never one. It was never, “Hey, you made a good play.” I played third base. “You had a great throw to first base in the 6th inning,” and it was never any kind of praise or anything. It was all about Uh, improvement, but after a while it just sounds like it’s just criticism over and over and over again, right? You’ve got to mix it up with praise.

Now, he probably didn’t understand what you need either.

His parents probably did the same thing to him, so he’s just perpetuating the pattern. Right? 

I’m sure. 

Yeah, well, that’s one thing. We learn, obviously, from those mistakes. ******* don’t want to be like that person. So, I’m going to do everything in the office.

Oh yeah. 

You know, just like Travis said in the beginning right, you know. You make your choice. Certain things to concentrate on based on your childhood, but you’re missing out on your actual child’s needs as a result. You’re not recognizing them because of this. Is that what’s important to you? Not them. 

Or you just can’t be the parent that your kids need you to be because you haven’t done the inner work for yourself. It’s extremely difficult for you to be who you need to be for your kids because you don’t have a model. You don’t have the self-love to understand exactly what it is that your kids need.

So how do you do that with your clients?

It’s about coaching.

It’s about planting seeds. It’s about praising them when they do things well. It’s about the understanding of where it is that they want to go with their lives, and it’s about mindset. What happened to your mind? What kind of tapes are you playing inside your head, and do we need to work on those first? to get those going well before you can be a leader.

So you understand my philosophy and how I work, which is that we first work on self-leadership to ensure that we are.  It’s a good idea to go there first before we begin. talking about leading others.

I’m smiling as I look over the notes, I took on Michael; we talked about how you have to learn to run, learn to fall, and then you’ll have to learn unarmed sword evasion. We were talking about the way of the ninja.

Tell Andy about it, please. the ninja thing that We were all talking about was the meme.

Oh, so I saw this like 10 years ago or whatever. I last played about 15 years ago. There was a picture. I said picture two ninjas in the battle, and then Carol is like, “Well, you can’t.” You see him anyway, right? The photo stated that it was the 10th annual Ninja Parade, and the photo was just a Main Street with no one on it There’s no one there. The ninjas are not visible; they are not there. They’re real, but tonight you can’t sell them to them. All you know is that they are either alive or dead. or you’re bleeding out. That’s the only one.

Or you’re bleeding out, right?

Carcasses everywhere. There are carcasses everywhere about 2 miles up the road.

Yeah, yeah. 

They never made it to Main Street.

Would you say? That your childhood and self-discovery at the time led you to do the work you do now.

Oh, absolutely. 

Between reclaiming my life and doing my therapy work, one of the blessings that I had in my bowing days was being given an executive coach. Who sort of took me that last mile, so to speak, in the journey?

In my leadership at Boeing, I was too busy looking back. I was still sort of in a fixed mindset, not a growth mindset. She finished off the last mile of self-discovery and self-love, so I could turn around and be a much more effective leader, and I truly got to see the impact that a coach can make on somebody’s life.

And That sent me on the journey to start doing that for minis that I had within Boeing, as well as wanting to do it. My goal was to do 30 years at Boeing, and I did 22. I got laid off because of the 737 Max crisis, along with thousands of other employees. 

OK, I said, I’m going to do this full-time instead of part-time now.

What do you mean by reclaiming your life?

Taking ownership

Right now, the only person who is going to take care of me is me. It’s nobody else’s responsibility but mine, and you know? Going back to that powerful statement, you’re handing it over to everyone else and asking them to take care of you. What about you? And by reclaiming that power, you say, “No, I now own it.” I’m in charge of it. I’ll take care of it myself. And every other relationship that I have is just the cherry on the top cake, so to speak. I got the ball because I got it. Right, as you say in the Navy.

Get out of my way, ********.

Get out of my way

Gangway in the Navy If we’re going to the Navy, saying “gangway” indicates that I’ll be there. I’m carrying something heavy, and if you’re in the way, that’s your fault.

Yeah, yeah. But you got my statement right. I got the ball Maverick has the ball.

Yep, this. Is that what he’s talking about?

That is going to be a landing net out of my way.

Its pilot speaks for “I’ve got a clear landing.” With what I’ve got, I’m on target with the ball, yeah.

They got the ball.

Ah, gotcha. 

Amy and I understand, but Carol didn’t know, and I’m assuming a huge portion of our audience didn’t know either. That unless. They just happened to be in aviation. Yeah, that’s fine.

Well, they may have watched Top Gun and heard Maverick say that, but they still didn’t have a clue what he was talking about, right? That there’s an instrument landing system on the left side of the boat’s back that tells him how to go up and down from left to right to land on the boat.

I can’t tell you how many people I’ve talked to who thought Top Gun had Air Force airplanes flying on a Navy ship. Have you heard that? 

No

I have talked to so many people who have told me that I’m like, “You know the Navy has more airplanes than the Air Force, right?” And they’re like, “What?” And I was like, “The army has more boats than the Navy.” And they’re like, “What?” Both are very specific things.

Well, you also have to understand the mission.

You have to understand that the Mission Air Force is all land-based. There’s only so much land in the world, but you can cover more of it with boats. As a result, more planes and boats are required to cover more of the earth’s surface area.

Yes, 

Right? 

Planes, yeah. I haven’t got a good jab in on Carol in for a couple of episodes, so I figure as you like.

She’s about to run you over with her motorcycle.

She might!

 I’ve been talking with Carol by motorcycle so much that I’m now getting motorcycle ads on Facebook. Thanks, Carol. 

That they are listening in that is terrifying. If you say so. Yeah, if you do. Ask Google to Google anything. Those ads begin to freak out like Cruz’s.

I like them because I don’t like myself. Like everyone else, Regular marketing and the nonsense you see on TV, I’m not interested in any of it. 

Like, oh, getting a new car one day only is like selling cars one day a week, right? I’m not in the market for a car, at least. At least Google listens to me and understands who I am. What do I not do as a person? What don’t I like when some other ******* in the room says something? Then I have to go through all of these ******** ads that I don’t care about because I was listening to someone else. That’s why I don’t like it.

 Google f you were going to stalk, they are stalked by me, not by the people I hang out with.

great voice recognition.

Can we talk about Amazon for a minute? Sure.

Then why the jungle? Company

no, the company. 

So, you go on Amazon, and you search around for a product that you want to buy, and there you are. It’s an item that you might only buy once a year or once every five years in your life, and you’re browsing and looking at the description, and then you scroll down to the bottom and they’re trying to upsell you with some related items, but those related items are the same thing from different companies, it’s like… You’ve got to buy a lamp. And they want you to buy two other lamps, so this is of the same type or whatever. And it’s like, “No, I just want one.” And why would I buy another lamp, and possibly lamps not a good example, but I believe he is. You get the flavor right.

Well, yeah, because they figure if it’s not that much more, why wouldn’t you buy two?

We live in the land of access, and that’s why everybody has a ******* storage unit that they’re spending freaking way too much for a month to collect the s**** that they no longer use, which they could sell. Give it away just.

See, I mean, I’d much rather suggest maybe a rug and a chair if I’m going for a lamp in a room, so maybe things that would also go in a room would be the suggestion as opposed to two, three, or four more lamps.

The wonderful thing about this is that Jeff Bezos is listening and taking notes right now. He’s like *******, a man, and Andy knows what he’s talking about.

It’s that right brain. It’s that right brain.

Yeah, yeah. going to be creative in the right area.

It’s a strategic size.

Do you remember when you were going from the left brain to the right brain to both, and then you said something else on the other side of your brain, saying you only had two sides?

Did you struggle with ever trying to explain things from a left-brain perspective, and it wasn’t until you developed that right-brain style that you were able to do more effectively communicate.

Yes, because you realize that people are either left-brained or right-brained. And you’ve got to ask some questions or try to peel back the onion layer far enough to determine whether a person has a left brain or not a right brain and you’ve got to. Then explain it in a way that they’re going to understand.

When you’re working for an aviation company, that’s something very technical. You tend to have a lot of engineers and a lot of left-handed people, so you tend to stay over on that side when you’re trying. To clarify, your challenge is more on the right side and getting more people to be more creative and out-of-the-box in developing a strategy for the company, which is where my challenge was. The whole time, I felt like I was constantly about 10 years ahead of people in terms of strategy.

Yes, we got worse.

Yeah, I had a flat head, a flat forehead, and blood running down the side of my body for a while from hitting my head against a brick wall all the time trying to explain these things to people, I eventually got to the point where I was just going to throw a piece of popcorn out. I have to be patient with it. I’m being impatient. Be patient; throw out these little bits of popcorn, and they will catch up. OK. 

Yes, there is a problem. I mean, not everybody comprehends and understands things the same way. Also, because people are right-brained, there are different levels of understanding. They may still be unable to grasp the concept; another right-brained individual, on the other hand, would because he is so far along in his development. Right

Yes, yes. 

It’s hard; it’s hard to adjust to being able to hit that sweet spot to accommodate everybody.

Yes, and if they’re the right brain, but they’re not as sharp far along with you don’t necessarily get that glazed. Look at you when you talk, and someone is holding on. They’re getting parts and pieces of it. You can tell, and you just need to help them.

All those little electrons are firing.

Or you can fire them, and if they’re curious and asking questions, you can continue to help them learn and explain things. But at least you’re connecting in some way if they’re left-brained.

Andy, at least they’re asking questions if they are.

at least asking questions, but if you get If you have a glazed expression and no questions, that’s a big deal. They’ve left a hint.

That’s fine. 

They’re on the other side of the brain, and you’ve got to take a whole different strategy to the approach.

OK, I’ve got to ask you something, and I’m going to describe a problem. I used to have it, and I want to find out if you’ve had the same problem. I used to listen to a problem or a situation. And I would respond, and I would get this confused look, and what I eventually realized I was doing was responding in my head, then hearing their response, going three or four answers deep, and then picking up the conversation much further down the line. They’re better than they were. How the  **** did you get there?

So, in other words, you were able to already connect the dots.

Yes, yeah. 

And then all of You’re suddenly bringing them all together.

Yep, and they’re like, “I don’t even know how you do it.” We got there the way we did.

And how did you get there?

We were just talking about this, and now you’re on. Whatever, like, how did you get there? Furthermore, as someone pointed out to me, what are you doing? This is what they said to him. Yeah, I didn’t realize I wasn’t having that out loud with people who were just a little further down the conversational or strategic path, and it took me what seemed like an eternity to figure out how to walk with them through the conversation.

Right? 

Or did you learn to answer a question with a question?

Oh, I’ve done that too, yeah. Yeah, you’re like 

It didn’t work just to blurt out and connect the dots. Perhaps this is a coaching opportunity. Now I have an opportunity to ask a question or answer a question with a question, and now the roles reverse, and you’re being a coach to help pull them along, right?

So yes. So, what I was describing is like when I was the worker and we had a problem come up, I was problem-solving through the whole conversation, and when I became the leader, I realized that answering people’s questions only trained them to come to me with all of their problems. And so I stopped giving answers, and I started asking questions about How could? walk through the process of solving their problem because I don’t need to. I don’t have the time to answer all their damn problems. All other questions

So, you. Move from being a consultant to a coach.

Yeah, yeah. 

That’s what consultants do. They gave you the answer, right? Well, let us come in and look around ask a few questions and figure out what the problem is, and then we’ll write out all the answers for you. 

Right? 

You pay me the money, and I’ll give you the answers, and then we walk away and let you go implement these things; Whereas being a coach is more about now, I want to teach you some things I want to help you learn how to critically think about these things so that you don’t. You don’t need me anymore. The soldier wants you to keep bringing them back all the time, right? We’ll give it to you. answer you. We’ll give you the lollipop, and hopefully, you’ll come back. 

If we’re together three years later in this kind of relationship, I’m just assuming I’m terrible at my job.

Me too. 

Right, I don’t want to do that. I want to get you on the right track and teach you how to write so you can go out and perpetuate greatness on your own. And say, “Dude, how are you so impressed now that Travis hooked me up? “It only took 3 months, like, go talk to Travis, yes, as if I needed it.

That’s why I tell my clients. I’m here to assist you in putting me out of a job per SE, yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. 

Like hinge. 

Have you seen the ads for the dating app Hinge? You know what they have—their logo that sets itself on fire and other such things. It’s like we’re here for you to fire us kind of mentality because you know that is how we helped you find significant other or whatever, and we don’t want to be in your life all the time. We want to help you find a significant other, and then get out of your way.

Is Hinge new?

Oh, how long did it last—maybe three years or so?

Just so we’re clear, I grew up with the traditional way of dating you. Meet the person you date. I knew people who liked going online, right? And on and on these apps, and I was like, “How do you guys do that I would need to meet the person.

You just swipe right on every profile. That’s how you meet people.

Oh my God. I need to talk to him, meet him face-to-face, and see if there’s any chemistry like that. To me, it is the basics. but I never could.

Well, I mean, that’s what dating apps are set up to do, is that it? It simply generates a larger funnel. or opportunities to meet people in the pool, but you still have to get to that point. You have a little bit of chit-chat, so to speak, online, and if you say, “Oh, this person is interesting enough,” here’s my phone number. You set up a date, and then you’d go do what you just described, Carol.

That’s so much work.

I’ll tell you about it. I hate it

It’s so much fun.

I hate it with a passion. I do.

So, I’ve been doing. I’ve been married for over 20 years, but I have a Tinder story because of all the guys on the crew. When we go out, we visit all these places, right? Yeah, almost inevitably, the flight deck is full of young pilots who are single.

There’s a married guy up there, right? But the vast majority of the time it’s three dudes that are single, and we’re doing pattern work where we’re coming in for a landing, taking off, going around the power, and getting those. We received responses What do you need to do to stay proficient in the mill? Terry, yeah, well, we would. They’d turn their phones on, and as soon as they got the signal, the guy in the back was, “swiping right” on three phones for every profile they met for their chance to meet someone in the town they were landing in, and they didn’t have time to be picky, right?

Oh. They’re just. They’re just. 

As many as they can.

when they’re coming in for a landing. and get into cell coverage by quickly swiping.

Yes, yes, so they did.

Oh my God. 

Take them off, and sometimes they come back around. It’ll be a match, and I’ll have to run fast.

They’re freaking manhours.

They say they will do the work after, but they would hate the chance to match with someone available like that because you’re only in town. In general, one or two nights, and I’m not talking about sex here, but simply the opportunity to meet up at all. You must not only find someone compatible with you, but also someone available.

It’s a freaken hook-up sight!

I no longer edge, just as I no longer judge after Michael’s conversation.

No, I’m not talking about judging every single site I’m discussing as if it were Tinder. It’s like, immediately. Are you at this location? Let’s hook up.

I know people who only use Facebook to meet people, So fast forward several Years I’m out. I’m talking to this gal. I don’t remember where I had a conference. or something along those lines, and she’s like now, could you explain this to me, because I don’t? I don’t know. I don’t understand this. I was like, “What are you talking about?” She’s like, “Oh, I might have Tinder, and I feel every time that I swipe right on a guy that we match.” So, I got a chance to tell her the story about how. There are guys out there who just do this waiting for the match to happen. And she’s like, they didn’t think about it. They do. They’re just using the other brain.

I can appreciate that strategy. Get on Bumble.

Like, the numbers game begins.

It is a number game.

Yeah, it’s a numbers game, Carol, so for Bumble, they put the power in the woman’s hands, right? So if you match up, the woman has to start the conversation. And it gets to the point where you match up with … and they have only 24 hours to start that conversation. Once you get matched up, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve matched up with women on Bumble, the conversation never gets started.

Oh my God. 

They have so many options because the pool is so large. It’s just like, “Oh.” Well, I can. I can sit here and match with ten guys, and then I’ll pick the one I like out of the best 10 and concentrate on him and all the other nine just go by the wayside because it’s easy. It’s convenient, you’re behind your phone, and

All I can say is if that’s what you’re dealing with, Andy, I sympathize with you.

It’s terrible. 

To me, it’s like, “Oh, my God.” I can’t even imagine what an immense amount of time that takes, because then you invest time in this person, right? You start talking to them. 

But what if They ghosted you, and you just wasted all that time? Yeah, I’d like to just meet someone and say, “****, you’re as stupid as a box of rocks.” Right, one time has passed, and I still have time to go get a drink with my girlfriends. Right? Yeah, that would be more ideal, but by the way, I am in a relationship, so, like, that’s not a thing, but…

But you’re into the traditional way of doing business. So, I have to ask you: What are some of the craziest pickup lines you’ve ever heard?

Oh my God. Which one is it? They were the ones that made me laugh my a**** off

Did you just drop from the sky because you’re like an angel to me, God

Oh my. 

See, I always use the other line as you did. It hurt, just like we broke through earth’s crust and descended from hell.

Right? 

That got a laugh almost every time.

“Are your legs tired?” You must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all day.

All day, yeah?

I’m like. 

My friend, on the other hand, He’s feeling down; I can feel you up

Oh, you are a creepy, creepy thing!

This is how little guys know about courtship nowadays.

Oh yes. 

No way, no how.

I just like it when you meet people in ordinary places, like a library. You met them at the grocery store, exactly, like just organic ways of meeting people instead of like.

Through a friend.

Are you already looking to strike up a conversation? I think that’s *********. I don’t know. That’s just my two cents, but I get it. There are a lot of them. people who make use of them some of them use them on multiple platforms. I mean, you want to discuss the numbers game. Those guys should be *******-like, on fire… in my opinion. Because of the sheer volume of numbers, the room is on fire. They go through the motions. Yeah, they should. Doing well.

So, how about this? 

This happened to me recently, and as you know, Facebook has a dating feature. You can sign up for the dating component, and they will attempt to match you. Based on that, we’ll pair you up. profile or whatnot.

And I was introduced to one woman who was a friend of a friend, right? They tell you that this person is a friend of this friend of yours on Facebook, so here’s a woman that gets presented to me. She’s a friend of a friend, and I’m like, “Uh, I trust or respect this friend of mine, because they’re fairly close to each other,” and I’m like, “OK, I’ll take a chance, and hit the like button,” and the next day she hits “like.” Uh, send a message. I try to start a conversation, and nothing comes back, and a week later I get deleted. So how do you think that conversation is going to go between myself and my friend?

Well, see, I think you did. It’s wrong, right?

Did I do it wrong? 

Right? My friend, my friend that we have We’ve known a family friend for years and have been matched with one of my other friends. And so, she messaged. “Hey, you guys know this guy; what do you think about him?” I’ll message my wife. This dude. 

Yeah, we should have done that. Maybe I should have done that. Well, I haven’t had a conversation with my friend yet, but that’s going to be a topic when we finally get together again.

But Andy, does it matter just because they were friends of your friend? What the ****? It doesn’t matter. It’s not going to change your friendship with your friend.

Well, maybe his friends were talking smack about him to the girl, and she was like, “What do you think of this?” Andy and they were like, “Uh, definitely not Andy.”

That’s not a friend, though.

Well, I know, but then you would know that they’re not friends anymore. Or you’ll have to get your *** together one way or another.

That is the kind of dynamics that are out there, Carol.

Oh, I’m so grateful that even after all this time, you know, I’m.

Yeah, that perspective.

I’ve been divorced. 

And then I’ve had a couple of longer relationships, right? Also, when I say I met my current boyfriend, I mean It turned out we were both in the industry. It’s wonderful and just. He just so happened to come into my life when I got rid of my old boyfriend, so that was great, right? 

 And it only started with a conversation, but it wasn’t like I didn’t know him. I knew of him as an acquaintance, so it was weird. I’m going to tell you what this whole thing about dating a friend is really … I had to sit down and think about this, like, do I want to explore this further as a relationship? Where do I know that if the relationship ends, it could go badly, or do I want to throw myself in there and go … If everything goes well, I mean our commonalities are so vast that it could be. end up being the best relationship I’ve ever had. 

Well, it’s all about the risk and the vulnerability, right?

You understand exactly what I mean. He is the best relationship I’ve ever had.

Good job, Ali. proud of you. Go Canada. 

Maybe that’s what the issue is with somebody from another country.

That might be true.

There are some, he says, because cultural differences can be good because there’s such a huge sense of entitlement here that the women might not be your cup of tea. Do you know what I’m saying?

Yeah, different parts of the country; different parts of the city; different parts of the hemisphere; different hemispheres.

Even in the United States, culture will differ. 

You know, maybe a first generation or a second generation. You are aware of how much culture is still present in your life. I know this because I was raised in Chinese. The culture I didn’t realize how different I was from the girls he was dating until my ex-boyfriend said something, and he said they’re all entitled *******.

And I just saw—what about just being a human being? You don’t if you’re just a human being and you care and are compassionate about people, and you love that person, and you’re willing to help them get to where they want in life.

Isn’t that just part of being a human being? So why do you have to? I don’t understand why it has to be a cultural difference, but somehow my culture and the way I was raised made me very different from all the girlfriends he had dated prior. 

But that’s exactly how it works.

The things we go through as we grow up and go through different things in life depend on where we are, and the values of the area heavily influence us. I grew up in trailer parks and foster homes. I had a very different set of values than those who were just middle-class people who live in the same town but have opposing value systems that are as different as night and day. 

If I had a knock on my door, they would answer in town, but I wouldn’t answer because it existed and never had anything good come to my door. Something as simple and innocuous as how you were raised makes a huge difference. Well, cultural arrangements, what values you were raised with.

Like we had a lot of them in northern Minnesota, which is a Scandinavian country, and Polish? You know some Danish people, as well as German.

Yeah, because he can handle the ******* cold.

Does that make sense? Isn’t that how they got there? They could all stand the cold, but just like family gatherings were a certain way, the type of desserts that were made was a certain way, and the way people worked in the community, especially with their elderly, was a certain way. And if you get closer to Mexico, you have a lot of Mexican influence on the families around you; they operate differently. 

And it’s not good, bad, or whatever. It’s just the way the culture was instilled in them, and you end up in places.

Like when I went to Egypt for a wedding, I liked the way that they operate and the way they interact as people, and the way that They do things out at restaurants, and the restaurants are open all day and close at 8:00 in the morning. We’re at that hour in the morning, and families are running around with kids, but no one is drinking because they’re smoking hookah, but no one is drinking. There is no alcohol, which is part of their culture. So, they made fun of me. It was around three a.m.

Like a man, I’ve got to go to bed. I had gotten up at 5:00 that day. Because that’s the military, right? That’s the culture I am in, and they’re like, “Oh, Americans are such *******.” They have to go to bed early. 

If I slept till noon Like you did, I would be fine right now, but I didn’t. So, I’ve got to go to bed because I’m tired, right? But it has nothing to do with anything other than the culture that matters. Socioeconomic status is extremely important. Education is extremely important. The people that a family allows to leave their kids to be around. 

The type of behavior they allow inside their homes matters greatly.

Well, let me throw something else at you: masculinity and femininity. 

I did a presentation in front of an all-businesswoman organization. I threw a chart on the left side of the screen the left were traits, characteristics, and words that described femininity, and on the right were words that described masculinity. And 95% of them were married. I said let’s just pretend that you’re not married and you’re dating. When you’re on Tinder and you’re swiping left and right, what are the go-to haves? What are you looking for in a guy and the characteristics he possesses? 

Furthermore, what characteristics are you looking for in a guy where we are on this piece of paper, are they? And the ones that started listing off were all on the side right from a confidence factor, and so forth. So, you swipe left and right, and you’ve got this pool of ten guys, I said. Now, out of these 10, What are you looking for? Where are the words on this piece of paper? Are you going to use it to help narrow that 10 down to one or two words and the words they begin to pull out we’re on the feminine side?

Sensitivity and compassion and all that kind of stuff

And being able to connect on an intimate level, and all of that.

When I address this issue in my coaching, I talk about a muscle, right? So, for us guys, our core is masculine, but we need to develop that feminine, empathic muscle that we have. For men, it is the opposite.

Because I said I was going to go through this exercise with you all now from my side, what I’m looking for got to have, or over on the feminine side, and the ones that I helped filter over here on the masculine side, like independent, confident, and those type of things. 

So, in our country, where we’re putting more women in positions of power, they’re living more in that masculine energy at work. The challenge for them is that they are returning home to a guy who scores masculine, and they want their woman to score feminine. And on that 30-minute commute home, they sort of had to unhook themselves from all that masculine theme thought and get into the feminine so that they could then interact and connect with their man at home.

And similarly, men must work on their feminine side. According to SE, their feminine muscle means they could be better leaders and more empathetic at work. So, on and forth. Pull it out of their pockets when their wife sits down with them on the couch and brings them a glass of wine. wine and wants to connect. You know, let’s not say….

Also being present.

And being present and connecting. It’s not to say we want you to live here. That happens all the time, but. To manage it, you have to have a command, if you will, over it, so when the time is appropriate, you pull that out of your pocket. And you could connect with your wife at the appropriate times.

Yeah, well, let’s get back to the whole dating thing because we’re talking about it. I mean, I’m sure there are a lot of people in that same area. My best friend…we’ve been best friends since I was 15. I love him like a brother. You know, from another mother, but my brother. I grew up with him. His wife passed away from COVID.

I’m so sorry to hear that.

She was essentially the love of his life. Right, they have two children. They lost their mother, and, uh, him dating right now, he’s like oh my, ****** Lord

Yep

Because he grew up the same way I did when we met all of our significant others are in person, so he’s trying to do this dating thing, which I’m sure you’re trying to do right Andy

And he’s like There are just so many people out there, and to find a quality individual, people will say the right things, like the things you want to hear, to get that person to start that conversation with you. And then he goes “There was only one of us, he, and I, and he leaves. Oh, I’m going on a date later. So, I called him later, and I was like, “How was the date?” He makes a ******* their photograph was about ten years old.

Yeah, I’ve had those.

It was the best year they’d ever had. And they took that picture and put it on their website profile and didn’t look anything like what they did in person? And he goes. It’s just that it’s so disappointing that people can’t be honest, right? 

So, I sit there, and I think about all these things

Ali and I met because we met during COVID. He’s Canadian. I live in the US. We couldn’t see each other, so how did we end up dating? It was old-fashioned. I got to know him on a much more intimate level, right, by just conversing with him through the timeframe, until we could see each other in person

And even then, it was a risk because we didn’t know if chemistry-wise it was going to work. We just knew everything else was perfect. Right, so it was awkward. It was freaking awkward, but there’s something to be said about the old way of courting. There is an I don’t know right there in the middle of the courtship. There’s a sensuality behind it.

Well, the woman I had the best connection with, you know, in the last seven years I’ve been single, was the sister of the woman I met on an airplane is set next to her in the airplane. I felt like I knew where my entire life had gone and where we had gotten off. And she called her sister and said, “You got to connect with this guy.”

We made them as a group. She lived in the Phoenix area. I’m in Atlanta. And we agreed, and we weren’t going to do any video calls. So, we’re going to see each other for the first time in person, so we set up Friday night dates for each bottle. The bottle of wine dialed the phone. A glass of wine and just talked. 

You know, every two weeks I was sending her flowers, just doing the old, traditional thing. Also, plan the scheduled a time for me to come to visit, like four months after doing this, and I flew out to Phoenix. Her sister and I think that she met a guy the weekend before because that was the last week before I showed up. She took a step back. 

We didn’t connect when I was there. She’s both making and not making excuses. not connecting. But that four-month process was just talking on the phone and bonding over glasses of wine, as well as having those intimate conversations we had over the course of four months were intense. You know, it was disappointing. Things didn’t work out. I mean, I was walking off the plane with her sisters in the Phoenix airport on the phone, calling did you get there yet? She’s so excited for the two of us to physically, you know, meet and so forth. And it didn’t happen, but Carol, I still believe what you’re saying during that process. It’s about communication in that intimate connection.

But you know what? 

A relationship that starts with the ability to communicate well is stronger than anything else. Because if you can communicate, and we didn’t do video chats—in fact, it never occurred to us to do video chats—then So just talk on the phone.

didn’t feel like there was a need.

So, here’s something amusing. We were laughing a lot because he was like, “As I said to him, it’s not like you’re going to get catfish. “You know what I look like, don’t you? Unless all of a sudden, I packed on like 200lb, right?

But then your kangaroo jumpsuit wouldn’t fit you anymore.

Ah **** off

I feel like I’m missing something here.

I was about to say, doing video chat never occurred to you, not because of any of those other reasons. but because you’re old. 

It never occurred to us, because that’s just not how things were done the last time you were dating. 

Be nice to your elders, Travis.

Hey, I’m just trying to be nice to everyone. I try to always be myself, and sometimes it turns out to be polite, kind, and generous, and sometimes it turns out that I’m ****.

Well, you know. 

There you go again with that inappropriate moment of pulling something out of your pocket kind of thing, right? That’s what we were just talking about yes Certainly, it will need to be * * * or will be * * *.

But yeah, the whole communication part is, I think, what makes it work. I’m guessing I don’t know much more about sexy here. Because then if you do connect on top of that, It’s great.

Yeah, I just had a little bit of a Twitter dialogue this morning with two women who have a podcast. They were what were talking about men using Twitter when a woman makes a negative comment about men, and they also receive updates from these men, so they feel compelled to respond and go not all men… not all men… not me, you know, that sort of thing. I think our society here in the United States is I can’t speak for all countries, however. We need to go through a process of redefining what strength is in a man.

Well, they don’t even know what masculinity is. They say it’s toxic masculinity, and I would argue that those qualities that they’re experiencing are none of them masculine.

Yeah, it sucks because, you know, I don’t think they even have a definition.

Because of my kids… I think they’re more feminine than they are masculine because they’re more in touch with their feelings, right? What irritates me is that we’re labeling ****.

Do you know why everything is labeled?

Tell us why.

Our primordial brain is the thing that keeps us safe from trauma response, right? Our brains. When something new is brought up, the first thing we think about is safety, and the sooner we can put a label on it, whatever the label is, the better.

Right or wrong?

The safer we feel, the more it is ingrained in who we are as people that we have to put a label on every ***** thing.

Toxic, you understand masculinity. I mean, yeah, let’s just put it this way. There are ******** in the world. 

I’ve seen him.

Leave it at that.

Look at that one on camera.

Travis, I’m going to take offense to that.

So yeah, honestly, Andy, I feel for you. And I wish people weren’t so dumb. Oh superficial. Because there is so much beauty exists within people, and it looks externally like you missed so much. You know what you see is only one of your five senses, right?

So, what is wrong with you that you can’t open it up and look inside? Because there are so many beautiful people in the world, and all you’re seeing is the exterior, and that is so ***** superficial.

Well, that leads me to, uh, my tweet that’s pinned on my Twitter. It says you are not truly loving a person until you love their body, mind, and soul. Not pieces, but the entire package.

I know, I know, I’ve made this comment in real life, and I’ve made the comment on this show that I only hang around with beautiful people. And I had someone in person when I said that; they were like, “That’s pretty pompous of you.” And it’s like It’s pretty assuming that you assumed I was referring to the physical, and he looked at me, and they were like I was like, “I don’t care what they look like physically.” I care that they’re a beautiful person on the inside, and there’s a reason we don’t hang out.

He was like, “You know what Travis **** you?” I was thinking I’d never been spoken to. Get out of here pal

That’s why you’re familiar with my dating experiences. I tell women that if I sent you a note, Or, like you, depending on the mechanism in the dating app, that means I already checked the outer beauty part, which doesn’t need to be discussed. I’m only interested now in having a simple conversation to understand your inner beauty.

I want to be in a relationship with someone beautiful on the inside and out, and while I can see the outside purity in an instant, understanding a person’s inner beauty takes time and, as you mentioned, communication.

Well, also, I think that communication comes down to whether or not you have that maturity. You have to have the intellectual maturity to have those conversations.

Emotional maturity, to be precise.

Too, yeah. 

And authenticity. 

The whole premise of this show is to be the real damn person. We brought Andy on because he is a titan. We don’t invite anyone on the show who isn’t already a Titan, but we don’t talk about their business because I don’t care about their business. Their business is what got him going. What will get them through the show is if they are authentic and share. They care and They show us who they are. Every other podcast is going to tell Oh, here are my specialties for you. Here are three suggestions: I have for you and your business. I don’t care about any of that **** I care about Andy as a person above all else.

Yeah, and that’s why in my podcast I want to tell the story. Right, I want people to understand your story. I mean, if you’re on it, you’re an entrepreneur, and so forth. You know, we’ll talk about your career a little bit, but at the end of the day, I’m asking questions that might make people get off. Wow, you didn’t ask me to stand here and answer questions. I usually get on the podcast. I’m like that because I want to hear your story. 

That’s what makes you human—your story—and that’s what we’re trying to get out. Here is why: Storytelling is such a powerful tool in leadership because you get people to insert themselves in the story that you’re telling, and that’s how you get connection and engagement with it. 

And isn’t that what I’m looking for in a podcast?

We’re all here to be connected. Right now, we are interconnected, but we have to connect with people. They don’t understand. It’s two different things that are already interconnected. We’re all involved in each other’s stories.

To tell a little story because, my name is Andy MacDowell, and I know I disappoint a lot of people. I’ll probably disappoint. You’ll recognize it when you see it came onto the screen, and they’re like, “Oh, that’s not the Andy MacDowell she’s expecting,” and my retort is always, “Yeah, but I stayed on vacation.” Inn Express last night. That’s my story.

I admire that about you, Andy, but please wait a moment before we move on. 

Give us something about you that no one knows about you, like your group of friends, who don’t know this thing that has happened to you. Give us one of those insider stories that you don’t tell. This is something I tell a lot of people.

I sang the national anthem at a Brave game

That’s cool! national anthem for you to work on your creative side, eventually joining and singing, and then you get to sing the national anthem.

Now I’m not singing it by myself. I sang it with eleven other people, but John Schuerholz, who used to be the general manager of the Braves, was a member of my Church and he asked our acapella choir which I Was in to come in one day at a Braves game, we assembled right behind the pitcher’s mound and sang the national anthem, Al Capella.

That is awesome.

That’s pretty cool

And my parents were in the seats, and my face was on the big Jumbotron out in the center field. And it was a memorable occasion for me.

It sounds like it. Who was the other team? 

That was pretty cool. We symbolically outfield them in left field. They did not provide us with a practice space. So, we were on a pedestrian ramp behind a hotdog stand. There’s a director and 12 of us back there practicing a cappella and singing the national anthem. And they said, “Assemble.” walk down this ramp to this area just behind left field, and then they’ll open the doors wide, and we’ll walk out onto the field from there. It’s right field, not left field, so walking out there behind the infield mound and singing the national anthem, followed by a walk back off the field was pretty cool.

Yeah, I got it. That’s got to be electric in the stadium in front of …I don’t know how many seats they have. There are probably 45,000 seats in a stadium. That’s got to feel good.

And was it a game? But it’s either one of those manager specials, or whatever they call him, on a Wednesday, during the day, or, uh, on Sunday; I don’t remember which. But it was a day game wasn’t an evening game. That was pretty cool. Not many people can say that.

Few people can say they help two governments are preparing their airports for the Olympic Games, but it is also not many people can say they’ve sung the national anthem at a sporting event. Usually, that’s reserved for celebrities and whatnot, right?

 I mean, I didn’t help Russia and China get their airports ready, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

You heard it here first, folks. You heard it here first, as Travis stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

You’ve got to be I’m not the right age to get that joke, but I completely understand

What is the one place you want everyone to go? to connect with you at

And I can’t say anything to the local pub, can I? We connected with the local pub I will buy you a bourbon

My website is www.generateyourvalue. 

I’m all about assisting people in determining how they can generate value in the world—not extracting it. You mentioned my podcast. You want to work on your branding, your business, or anything of that nature. Check out the podcast.

generateyourvalue.com 

Hey Andy, thanks so much for being our guest today.

Thank you for the honor and the privilege, and You guys do great things. Keep going.