Emotions are Chemicals and You are Addicted to Them with Mario Lanzarotti

Hey, welcome back to the show. I’m here today with my lovely co-host, Carol, and our featured guest, Mario Lanzarotti. Mario is a mindset coach, TEDx speaker, and conscious leader focused on helping solopreneurs confidently reach the next level of their lives by empowering them to break free from the self-doubt that is holding them back. Mario, how are you today?

Travis, thank you so much for that warm welcome. I am feeling blessed and abundant and super pumped for our raw and authentic conversation.

Dude, I’m excited to have you here. I will tell you; I love you. It used to be abundant right there. I’ve spent the last year and a half weirding out people with my layers of circles. Anyone without an abundant mind. They’ve been kicked out, pushed out, trampled, whatever you can say in safari terms, we’ve gotten rid of those people. I am so glad to have you here on the show today.

You have to get rid of those people in your life, don’t you because they can have a great influence.

Sure, I mean the people you spend the most time with have a very big influence on you, because human beings are very adaptive to their environment, and most of us don’t learn how to become bigger than our environment. So, it helps to consciously choose who you spend your time with.

Hey Mario, so tell me what makes you a Titan.

Does it make me a Titan? That’s a great question, one that I’ve never been asked. I would say what makes me a Titan is that I lead my life primarily with my heart and that I have transcended a lot of my ego. There’s still a lot left of it, and I’m not going to pretend that I’m Jesus Christ. I’m doing the best I can to walk in his footsteps. And in the higher-conscious masters. But I would say that I truly love that I live my truth. I walk the talk. You know, there are a lot of people out there that are pretending to walk the walk, right? They read a book, they listened to a podcast. They go to a Tony Robbins Up event, and they come.

And then you look, you know, two layers deeper, and you realize they’re really good marketers, but they’re not so good at embodying what they’re giving to the world, and I’ve made it a practice over the last 12 years to embody what I say I do, and I believe that I’m doing a good job at that. And I’d say that for me. Hey, what makes me a Titan is that I focus on elevating human consciousness because I’m tired of the way humanity is dealing with challenges that we face. After all, it’s all about symptoms. It’s all about Here’s a symptom: Let’s treat the symptom. Oh, there’s another symptom. Let’s treat that symptom, and it’s like, you know, going to a tree and cutting the branches. And you are still asking yourself, why did the branches keep growing? Why did the Brooks keep growing? It’s like, “Well, maybe you need to go down to the roots,” and that’s what I do when I look at the real core issues we face. I look at them all in the place where they all start, and that’s within. And so, I’d say that it makes me tight.

 

 

 

So, you’re saying it’s a holistic approach versus, you know, taking bits and pieces is It’s just like modern medicine, right? It masks the situation instead of what is underlying the issue. It never actually heals the underlying issue.

Correct, correct? And, you know, there’s a saying that I frequently come across that says

Even if you’re sure you’ve heard it, it says the truth will set you free. Have you heard this one before?

Oh yeah.

There’s another part of it that most people don’t know, and it goes like this. The truth will set you free, but first, it will **** you off, and most people don’t want to look at the truth. It’s just like when I work. You know, I work one-on-one with people, and often the things I do are work on their relationships. I recently had someone join me, and this person told me, “But are you telling me that I need to come clean about what I did in the past?” There was something in the relationship. That happened in music and paralyzed; most people will take that and build a whole world around it. It does not own the truth. And that goes on forever. Their whole industry. Based on that, I want to deal with the truth because it’s simple, extremely liberating, and what more is there to life than that?

Oh, it’s incredibly effective once you handle it. That core truth—you own it and take accountability for it. Then at that point, you can transform because now you’re building it on a solid foundation.

Yeah, good

So, we talked a little bit about what makes you tighten up and a little bit about your frustration. Tell us about something that you fear.

Something I’m afraid of

There’s still a fear in me, a fear of rejection from the people that I love the most because I’m very different from most of the people in my own family in terms of what I do. What I talk about, how I look at the world, and how I look at myself are very different from many of the people I grew up with. You know, you were talking about looking at your circle and choosing who you want. Who do I not want to be with? I want to be with and while it changed a lot for me, some parts of me are afraid of being rejected.

The more I realize that that is something that came up recently when I was in Loom. I did a session with a friend of mine who does somatic work. We felt stressed the entire week and then came up like, “There’s a fear that the bigger I become, the more alienated I become from my family, and I know it’s an ego story because the bigger I become, the more I connect to love.” This brings me closer to the people in my life, yet that’s still a fear.

I’m conscious of it. I’m aware of it, and I would say that there’s a fear of success for sure.

Yeah, I think we all have a little piece of that. I remember when I was selected for an officer program in the Navy and went to the University of Oklahoma. I went through all the stuff I selected. I went through another process and ended up at a university, where I’m essentially waiting. For someone to jump out of the bushes and say, “Alright, we were just kidding.” You know, get back to your real job, like I kept waiting for you to drop like it was going to be taken away at any moment because I didn’t deserve to be there. And I think that happens to everyone as they grow and expand. And you know, explore. The area is outside their comfort zone and looks more like it’s scary out there. As you mentioned earlier, the ego is gone, and this is how I view it. Let me know if you disagree. It is trying to keep us safe. Because it just doesn’t know, it tries to pull you back in like you got too big for your britches. It’s like, let’s just come back down here. You knew it was OK down here, and you’re like, “Well, I don’t want to be down there, but we already know that answer.“

So, if you come back, I promise it will be alright. Is that the way you look at the ego?

Are you trying to protect yourself?

Huh? Yes, I am, so I would say it’s an effect of the ego. I’d say the ego’s primary objective function is to be right. The ego wants to be right, and the reason it wants to be right is to confirm its own identity. So, who do you currently believe you are? That is, that is your part of your ego. And whenever you are with someone, you know this always comes up. I spend time with other people, and they have different points of view. Then you can tell how strong your ego is by how strong your desire to want. To be right, I want you to dominate, wanting to win. The desire to win is a straight ego expression because if you go to higher consciousness, there’s no desire to win. After all, why would you want to win? Because you know you already have it all. Because I don’t care. I’m happy for you. To take it all because I have it all. You know, take it. And so, there’s no fighting. There’s no resistance to that already. That’s what I meant earlier by addressing the course: if you get that, you don’t need any therapy in your life; you don’t need any diets.

Any detoxes you know of? You don’t need it. And because you’re full? What else is there for you?

So many people are constantly looking for ways to fill that void, not always with the right things.

Yeah, if I look at the news out there today, whatever news you happen to watch, if it’s local or not, you see many people getting their egos hurt and fighting to be right. You know, who we are is so much different than the opinions that we have, a lot of people, especially with social media and the ease of getting their opinions out there. People have opinions, then they take an opinion about a topic, whatever it is, and then weave it into their identity. So, then their ego can help them defend the identity that they’ve decided on. It’s so interesting to talk to people that way, and I’m sure I’ve responded poorly in the past.

Does anyone listen to this like Travis? Have you seen a mirror lately? I’m sure I have the right.

I’m sure I have, but I love having those discussions because I want to know how people came to that conclusion. But it’s different from concluding and onboarding that as part of your identity and then walking around just waiting for someone to poke your identity so you can get mad at them. Have you guys seen this in the news and on social media everywhere else?

Oh man, I mean, emotions are chemicals all the time, and they operate primarily on the addictive Spectra. We tend to develop an addiction to certain emotions, especially the negative ones, which is also why people don’t change because they don’t want to change. They’re addicted to the emotions they get out of whatever they are infused with, so they’re like, yeah? You know, this relationship is working for me. I ******* hate my job. You know, my boss is driving me nuts. All these employees I have to manage. It irritates me. I wish I could change.

I wish I could change if you’ve been consistently working towards making a change and it’s still not happening. You do not want to change because your negative emotions give you a sense of certainty. Alright, there’s an angry person, and you’re just looking for more opportunities to confirm that identity, a.k.a. to be angry. So, it’s just a circle that keeps on perpetuating, so you then pick ways to confirm your identity further. You watch the news. You watch the news. You watch the news. Or did you see the economic error? It’s your identity. I’m an angry white man, and that’s who I am, OK? Yeah, you know. And then you pick the woman who will make you angry because that’s part of who you are. You’re going to pick the food that will make you angry. You’re going to pick, you got to pick anything that will mirror that back to you, and then you will point the finger at all these things that make me angry. No one can make you angry. That anger was there before he was a doctor. Wayne Dyer Once, it’s something if you squeeze orange juice. What comes out?

Orange juice every time.

Right, right, yeah, exactly.

But if I squeeze you, maybe not you specifically, where do I get out?

I kind of want you to squeeze me. Is that weird? OK, that made it weird. If you’re going to watch the video, I’m not going to tell you what happened; I just have to direct you to the YouTube channel. Watch the video to see what Mario just did. You’re always going to get when you squeeze. You’re always going to get what’s within, regardless of what it is, yeah?

Exactly, and another way of saying this trigger is squeezing us.

So, if you walk around and get triggered by someone, you say, “Oh, you made me feel so angry and upset.” They don’t know that anger and upsetness are already inside of you. This person did something that reminded you of that in the first place, and it’s much harder for you to know that than to say, “Oh yeah, it’s your fault.” You make me feel this way. There are whole industries built on this, you know. A lot of therapies are built on that. Tell me more about how they make you feel. Tell me more about how they make you feel. Tell me more about how they make you feel. OK, you don’t talk to each other anymore. It’s as if there’s no solution that there’s just another level of avoiding, just to know what level of avoiding, which is why a lot of people, and there will undoubtedly be some who are offended by my saying that love you either way.

A lot of therapists and coaches are doing this work, and they are not walking the talk.

They’re not embodying the change they want to see in the world. They’re not embodying love; they’re not embodying vulnerability and authenticity. They have a mental concept of that. They learned it at the university. They learned it at the Tony Robbins course. They learned it in the book. They’re not. They don’t know what the **** they’re talking about because they are projecting even onto their clients. And at some point, you have to realize you are the core of your entire life. Everything you see and experience is A direct mirror of what you see in yourself. It couldn’t exist otherwise.

We had Lou Marinoff, MD, as our first guest, and we dedicated the episode to talking. We talked about what it means to take offense, set up an experiment, check the offense levels that flow out of my mouth, and hit you when it builds up to a certain level. Then you’re offended, which isn’t real, but he posited the question that you know someone has to take offense. I don’t offend; they have to take it. They have to choose to take offense.

I have to ask Mario. When you were little, did you envision your life path to be? Or did you stumble onto it? Was there something your family expected you to become?

So, it’s a great question. I never expected myself to be where I am today. Not in my wildest dreams. I was born and raised in Germany. I was the first in my family to pursue higher education in terms of going to university, and I was on the path after high school to becoming a pilot. For Lufthansa Germany, And the only reason I did that is that I wanted to find something that, in the eyes of society, is deemed very, very successful, like you’re You know, you’re a made man, and they say the king comes with a certain saying, which declares you to be successful, worthy, and sexy for the rest of your life. And you know, I did. Then I watched the movie. I watched. If you can, catch me. And I was like, “I saw Frank Abigail do the whole thing.” You know, it’s sort of a cheat on his way to becoming a pilot. I said, “Love, the guy, that’s me.” I knew I could do the same thing, so I decided to become a pilot.

And you know, it all worked out, and I became I was in training doing it. You know, 93% of the people. But if you fail, it’s thousands of people, and if you fail any stage of the test, you can never apply again for life. I was like, “One chance,” and I was like, “I’m going to make it,” so I threw myself at that and made it happen as I was in training. I became severely depressed.

I had chronic back pain that didn’t allow me to sit, stand, or walk without constant pain on the verge of suicide. You know, just a black spiral taking me down and down. And then, on top of that, I was so scared to openly admit that I was struggling because I had this image that I was a man. I’ve got to be strong. I do not have weaknesses, and in Germany at the time, Germany was a very masculine, driven culture. So, it’s all about, you know, success, looking good, being a man and weaknesses, not something there’s nothing like in the US. There’s a stronger failure culture. This failure is more celebrated, and so, as you know, you’ve got to fail your way to success in Germany. Yeah, you know that doesn’t exist. It’s better today than back then, don’t you think? About that, and so I just sucked. It sucked it all in, and not even my girlfriend at the time, who was sleeping next to me. I knew where I was. I got through because I was very good at faking it. You know, when people ask me to marry you, you don’t look so good. I’m studying all night, you know, and my back hurts. Just don’t worry about it. I’ve got this. It’ll soon be over. And so, people bought that, and one day I was at rock bottom, I woke up, and I remembered I couldn’t move my legs.

I had a paralyzed moment, and I was like, “You know, OK?” And then it was like, OK, either you’re going to commit suicide or are you going to do something about this? And so, by divine intervention, I came across Tony Robbins and Les Brown on YouTube. Half of my mind was saying, “These are all scam artists.” They’re going to ask you to turn it off. Pay with a credit card at the end of the day. The other part of my mind was saying, “Listen, listen, listen,” and I did listen every day.

Every free minute I had; I would listen. I would listen. I would suddenly start listening, slowly but steadily, and I realized that I had created this life path. I achieved it all. From this, from a place of not even. So, think about it. What could I be doing if I found out? Something that I truly love doing. And that gave me the courage to open up and say, “Guys.” I hate this thing. I hate it with my guts. I hate everyone here. They’re all full of themselves. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be a ******* pilot for the rest of my life. I want out, and you know, eventually.

I got out, and seven years later, I started coaching and speaking, but for seven years, I was like, “no, no, no.” I can’t do this. I’m German. I can’t speak English properly. They’re going to laugh at me. They’ll interpret it as motivational. Hitlers on the stage. You know it, no one’s going to take you seriously. So, I just talked to myself. I was out of it for a long time.

That is eerily similar to my experience. Flight school and the path to public speaking because I went through flight school. I was talked about when I went to college. The next step was getting commissioned, and then I went to flight school for the next year, and I got to the same place I had. I had my wife and two kids with me in Florida. Pensacola, FL, is where the Mecca of Naval Aviation is. And I went through the courses that I had. Yeah, she was working, and the kids were going to school, so I came home with them, did homework, had dinner, put them to bed, and then studied till midnight. Then I got up at 4:00 and studied before school, and there was like all this stuff, and I made it through that. And then I got into instrument simulators. This is where they don’t give you a horizon. You can’t see anything. You have to navigate based on just the instruments, and I had a couple of bad events in a row, back-to-back, just soul-crushing events, and I got home, and I was like

I asked God, just like you, what you should do. He wanted me on. This is the path we made it through and made it through all these other steps. It’s like a four-year process for the Navy. For all the things I was doing, like, if this is where I’m supposed to be, it’s got to be good. It’s got to happen like I need something to do. Break my way because I’m just getting my *** kicked. The next event is the next day. I had my flight suit on, my helmet bag on the back of the motorcycle, and I didn’t know what the hell I called it, the class, the simulator. Ah, the simulator.

I went to the SIM building or whatever the thing was, and I got there, and I had just a big exhale, and I got off my motorcycle, and I looked back, and my helmet bag was gone. Inside my helmet bag were all of my books. All of my charts and the things I needed for that event that day. And I’m like, “Where is the bag?”

 I hopped back on my bike and hightailed it back to my place, looking for my helmet bag. I went in and out. I went around the block several times just in case I took a different way. I went back to my place and couldn’t find it. I go back to the simulator. Luckily, I got there two hours early, like 2 hours early, and I went in. I was like, “I don’t have any of my stuff.” It was my helmet bag.

It fell off. I don’t know where it is. What do I need to do? And I had to return and collect the books from all the different locations. They don’t have it all in one spot. You had to go to five rooms in three buildings to get all this stuff. You know, like your events are scheduled at this time, and I went, and I got all this stuff, and I mapped and charted everything out, and I went back, and right before I walked into my simulator, I got, uh, a phone call. The base police summoned me.

Someone found my helmet bag. You’re aware, Navy, right? And they had a name on something that was in my bag, and they called the base to say, hey, I have this thing. So right before I walked into that event, I got a phone call saying my stuff was found, and I went in and crushed the event I had done. All the work twice, right? Although the lead-up worked twice, I felt it was just a piece that washed over me and said look.

No matter what it is, whatever path I’m going to have you on, I will have your back regardless of how bleak it looks, regardless of whatever disaster is coming your way. I’ve got you, and it was smooth sailing from that point, but I got to the same place you did. I had lower back pain. I went and did a sleep study. I was like, “I can’t get any sleep.” Well, of course not. I get like 4 hours or less every single night. You know you can only do that for so long, but. It’s tough. Flight school is tough. People don’t realize the attrition rate is that high. Naval aviation is not much different than Germany, but you’re not. You’re not 100% German, are you?

Sure, Joe.

Half German, half Italian.

So, when you talk about being successful, worthy, and sexy, which is the Italian part? The Jordans could care less about that part.

I think Italians care a lot more about it. Hence, why does the whole fashion industry come from Italy?

Right, but you. Oh yes. You don’t just live in Germany like you split your time between a couple of locations, don’t you?

Yes, so I’ve been living the digital nomad lifestyle for the past three years. You know, Cape Town, New York, Portugal, Germany. You know, after spending months here and there in September, I’ll be going back to South Africa to Cape Town and setting base camp up there.

As a secondary home, Mario

primary base.

Oh, primary base, yeah? And how did you end up in Cape Town?

So, the first time I went to South Africa was 16 years ago. I went to a boarding school for six months because my dad asked me, ” Hey, do you want to do an overseas experience? And I said yes, but I don’t want to go to the West because everybody goes to the US. I want to do something different. And he said, “How about South Africa?” That’s where I went many years ago. I said that sounded cool.

I was thinking about lions, elephants, and the savanna, and then I found myself in a small town in the middle of nowhere in South Africa. And going to this military school academy, which you know,

For me, I’ve never had any. Anything nearly close to that in Germany is super liberal and very open.

Do whatever the hell you want to do in school. No, there are any rules in there. It was like marching every Wednesday to school, every Sunday at church, every Sunday in school uniforms with ties and boiling heat. African heat and many, many other things, but I fell in love with the country, the culture, and the people, and I said to myself, “One day, I’m going to make it happen.”

One day I will be living in Cape Town, and now the day is here, so I’m grateful for that.

South Africa is a remarkable place. We were kind of talking before this podcast, and there was a story that I know Travis is dying for me to tell at this point. But before I became pregnant, one of the things I wanted to do was to go to South Africa and go on a safari with my ex-husband at the time. I was working sales there, so we went, and I, of course, followed along, and we got to stay at a play. A private game park in Kruger National Park is called Sabi Sabi. It was one of the most incredible experiences I’ve ever had, but with that came, you know, sun uppers and sundown or sun uppers. We would get up early in the morning and see the animals around early in the morning versus the animals at night but night. It was incredible because they would ask you for your drink order before you go on safari, and you would be halfway.

During the safari, they set up the Jeep, opened up the back end, and served everyone drinks. And we would. Just sit there and enjoy it, you know. The scenery and having a drink were a bizarre but extravagant kind of experience, right? And, of course, as you do when you drink, you have to relieve yourself.

To be honest, you’re just renting it.

What, you’re just renting it? You’re just renting it anyway, right? So, I do. Kind of, you know, being the only one.

Females scurry away as well. As far as I could go, you know, without feeling like I was in danger. And I’m sitting there peeing, and the next thing. Are you shining the spotlight up high, you know the guys, and I thought they were shining the spotlight on me, which they were?

They were shining just above me. And they were shouting, “Look up, I’m sitting there going.” Yeah, that’s not right. This is a complete violation, but I awoke to find myself peeing at the feet of a giraffe. And I’m like, “that’s horrifying because I’m thinking I’m going to get trampled while I’m peeing, and this is how my life will end.” But it was an unbelievable experience. I can see. It is a beautiful, beautiful country, and the people are so warm and inviting. Why do you love it there?

But what does? That headline looks as if a giraffe has killed you. What does that say?

Good Lord Travis, only you would think of that.

Well, when you’re in when you’re a naval officer, one of the things that they talk about, and they train for before you do anything stupid, you know. But you take your official military photograph. Suppose you’ve ever seen any of these published on Yahoo! or whatever. It’s always a very serious face, right? It’s always a very big deal, and they tell you to do that because if something happens and you end up in the news, they will use your official photo.

The official photo is this, right? It’s not going. So, you know when you go out in the town, and you go into different countries, and you’re going to explore.

Have a good time or go drinking or whatever, then just remember before you do something stupid.

What is the headline going to say? When it happens, it’s going to be, you know. So, you’re prepared to go out and do something when you go out. Crazy, and you’re

They’re like, “Yeah, it’s only going to get away with this other country.” Yeah, that little thing just pops in your head. What is the headline? Going to say, what if this doesn’t go well? And that’s just something you do—imprint on your head. So, before I went to all the different countries, I ended up visiting. They’re drinking in Dubai and like, “We want to go do this, and the first thing that popped into my head was this terrible headline.” I was like, ” Yeah, I don’t.” Do you think that’s a good idea? I’m not going to have my official Navy photo taken. Under whatever headline they were going to do that under, it’s something we’re accustomed to thinking about.

Thanks a lot, Travis.

You’re welcome. I’m here for you. We know, we know.

So, Marie, I wanted to ask you, we’ve talked about your frustration, to talk about your fear. Let’s talk about some of your more impressive work. What do you want?

What is something that you want? What do you desire?

I want nothing, and yet I choose it all. That’s my answer to that, so

Headline: Mario fails to respond; one thing that I’m focused on, you know, for me, is talking about a big vision. And that’s also why Cape Town.

What makes South Africa unique?

I am focusing on developing something that will truly impact the nation of South Africa to become one of the world’s most consciously and economically elevated nations. because I believe that the nation has revolutionary potential. It is very, very misguided. And there are so many hungry, young, creative, talented individuals that I just miss that access to resources. There are a lot of resources that are lacking, primarily internal resources. That’s the mind and the heart connection, and that’s helping them become self-actualized to me. All of that starts with a mindset, and that’s. Why am I focusing on doing that in South Africa? Because I thought about this: Who do I want to be? What I want to do in the world, and when I first started, it was all about the money.

You know, creating successful businesses, and you know that’s still a part of it. That’s a great thing.

Yet now I’m more inspired by people like Mandela or Gandhi and the kinds of changes that they have created in the world, and that’s what I’m leaning towards. First of all, a national challenge, a change that transforms the nation from the inside out, so that when I’m old, and I can look back, I can say I used the principles that were given to me, and I did the best that I could to pass them on in a great way. And so, through business, mentorship, philanthropic, and entertainment endeavors, I am concentrating on and working in South Africa. And you know, on the side, I also have my online community, which is all about abundance. It’s called the “abundance accelerator,” where we step together to become conscious millionaires.

Because there’s a story I used to have about money, money is bad. Money is evil. You don’t need a lot of money—all of that stuff. And then I realized This is like saying money is just a tool. It’s just a form of exchange, energy, and more of that is in the hands of the right people. And when I say the right people, I mean conscious leaders. It just creates a lot more opportunity and an impact for a lot of people all over the world. So those are some of the things that I’m focusing on.

No, I love That positive influence. Yeah, to create that kind of change and impact does require money. And I have a girlfriend that I speak to daily. You know, in our industry, we always say that the reason we became friends was that we believed it was better. To not focus on money but to focus on, you know, the greater good. And that money comes. It just naturally comes, and too many people are just focused on that.

The end game of money has not been realized. But what’s your intent with this? Yeah, money is not the end game. It’s not a problem that I always ask. In our group, I did another show, the nonprofit architect podcast. I often ask, “What’s your biggest problem right now?” and don’t say money. And inevitably, they ask for money. It’s like money is not the problem. One thing is a symptom of whatever is going on. That is creating the problem, and it is often people’s thoughts or views, or you know, how they feel about money. I always recommend that if you don’t have a household, not start a nonprofit, and I talk to these people. Like, you’re trying to raise $10,000. Like, why $10,000? This, that, and the other. I’m like, how much money do you have in the bank, and they’re like 100 bucks, and I’m like, do you think you’re having a hard time asking for $10,000 because you know deep inside that you only have $100? You don’t feel like you’re worth $10,000, and they’re like, “How did you know that?” because I’ve felt the same way when I didn’t have $10,000. I thought it was an astronomical amount of money, and then when I got $10,000, I thought, you know, $50,000 was a lot of money, and I got $50,000. I was like, I don’t even care about $100 anymore, like a thousand, $100,000. That’s a lot of money.

And then you get $100,000, and you’re like, “Man, this doesn’t feel like a lot of money.”

Exactly, it just goes on and on and on, and you know, you said something important, which is one of the core challenges that I see, that I had faced myself for a long time, for a lot of entrepreneurs and business leaders. Is loneliness so many business leaders don’t realize how lonely they are? And you know, I talked about this in my TEDx talk. I said that loneliness is one of the major drivers of self-doubt. Because when you think about the potential for failure, the only reason that has such a big impact on you is that you ask, “What if I fail and there’s no one there too, you know, to pick you up?” You don’t because the thing is the loneliness people confuse. If people think, “Oh, I have friends, I have a family.”

I have a wife. I have a husband. Do you know? I’m not lonely. Yeah, but those people don’t know you. They don’t know the real you, the raw you. I’m struggling and afraid to admit that I’m struggling and how much I doubt myself. Because most people say that and then come, men are excellent at this solution. Oh, but I got this in this in this, and I know it’s temporary. This is a way to suppress and avoid emotions, and most leaders are not embracing the parts of themselves that are alienated by years of hustling, hustling, striving, and chasing.

You know, and there’s a part that is so alienated that most of us are scared, and this became very obvious to me when I started doing men’s work. So, I was only coaching men, and it was insane. I have seen and felt the amount of shame and guilt that men carry. I mean, there are statistics that I can’t tell you the right numbers, but most. Most of the suicides are driven by men. Men are struggling so much, and they struggle to talk about it, making it so much worse. So lonely is the antidote to loneliness. It’s a connection. Is that how you create connections? Don’t create connections. Through the head, you don’t create a connection by going out and having a beer together and having a laugh. That’s just one form of it. It’s nice; it’s cool. However, real human connection. It’s heart to heart.

You know, like, think about this, Travis. When was the last time you hugged another man for an extended period and relaxed into that man’s arms without thinking? I’m gay, or he’s into me and my interim. Oh my God, this is weird. No, no, no, too long.

I slept in this morning, but it’s only because I was wrestling with my son, so I relaxed as I was crushing him because I won. Is that what you mean?

It is true.

Though yeah, when men hug other men, they don’t feel like they’re allowed to do that’s a natural thing. And there might be a stigma behind it. I don’t understand it, but I understand where you’re coming from. So, men do feel that alienation. I’m sure because you can’t truly just say they’re

Your best friend hugged them for an extended period without anybody feeling weird about it, right?

Yep, exactly.

And if they don’t feel weird, it’s my job to make them feel weird.

You feel weird, right? Yeah, great, Travis.

Oh, is that not what it takes?

Is that not what we’re doing?

We’re talking about feelings, and I’m reverting to telling jokes as my deflection technique. I’ve used it successfully for 40 years now.

It’s done quite well for me. Yeah, and I think it’s important for you to address that openly. So, I acknowledge that; I think it’s huge, and I remember the last time I was with a dear friend. He’s a men’s coach. He only does that work, and I hugged him, and then he told me, “Hey bro, it’s like relaxing.” It’s like you’re so tense.

Yeah, you’re right, and I have to ask myself, “Why am I?” and it’s like, um, OK, I’m afraid of being viewed in a certain way. What if someone thinks that this is gay? Wait, oh no, no, no, and all these things are coming up. I’m like, “Oh wow.” OK, and to see how many others I’m struggling to do that. You know, I’ve done eye gazing with men. I’ve seen men break down completely.

I broke down in front of men. You know, I remember I did a mushroom ceremony with friends in Germany. We went into the woods, and this was not a group I am familiar with in this space and time.

There’s a joke in there somewhere.

You said “ceremony.” Super Mario is eating mushrooms.

I didn’t hear the ceremony. It sounds like you’re going into the woods for mushrooms. He’s like a ceremony to make it sound official.

So, we did that. We did that, and I had all these things come up as I was doing that. I was like, oh, you know, all these comparisons coming up, and it’s like, “oh, these.” You guys are all super. They’re so successful; they’re so rich. You know, then look at me. Everything I thought I had dealt with was resurfacing, and when you’re under the influence of any psychedelic plant, emotions are amplified 100-fold.

So, it’s very, It is very difficult for you just to suppress an emotion. It wants to be expressed, and I know all of this because I’ve I’m very experienced in that space, and I’m like, oh. ****, here we go. No, no, not here, not with these people. No way, no how. So, I went off for a walk.

I’m like, “Yeah, I’ll be back.” I walked away and found myself like a stump in the sun, with the sun shining. And I’m sitting there, and I know exactly what I’m doing. Yeah, you’re just trying to suppress this now. You’re using one of your coaching techniques to work out of this, and then we have to shut up again. I’m doing exactly that, so I’m doing breathing work there. Like in the sun, you know, like praying, like yes, I got this. OK, I think I will call my brother-in-law later when I go home because we’re very close.

I will tell him about this experience, and he will say, “Hey, I understand.” I get it. ” I’m going to feel so much better. And then there’s another way. Dude, all you need to do is just turn around. Go to the guys and just talk about what you’re feeling. No way, no how.

 

So, another half an hour went by. I’m just trying to get by. Get rid of this stuff and those inventions.

That’s that German side of you coming out, no.

Oh, big time. Take time, I said. I am in control here. I am in charge, yeah? And I turned around and eventually said OK. And then I went there. And I was sitting. This is like it was so out of character for me. That’s how insecure I became. I said to my friend, “Dude.” I kind of think I need to cry.

But I don’t know, I feel very strange about just like, why is it that if you need to cry, then cry and I’m

Yeah, it’s like, and then he asked me something. Which hit me, he said. You feel you need to prove something here with us. You know, it’s Super Shaman, the master, who knows everything. Do you think you need to be this? The person right now, and I’m like, and the tears were just sweating and swelling, and then I was complete, you know, crying. And then, the most beautiful thing happens. Something happened that I could not imagine. And this is why I shared this: because this is for everyone. We all came together, and the whole experience happened.

Everybody is, you know, good buddies. You know, hey, yeah, we’re having fun. But not an intimate, real connection. And then I opened up and started crying; I opened up and talked about it; I held my heart like this while talking. And as I was sharing so openly in crying, I saw it in the corner of my eye. The one guy I barely knew breaks down completely and just sobs, and sobs, and sobs. I mean, like sobbing, where you know there’s no more control, and I went and hugged him. And all of us came together, and it was beautiful. Experience among men, and then he told me, “Dude.”

I have only ever cried this way once, and that is when I proposed to my wife. Like you just did here. Today was so liberating for me. I cannot. I don’t even know. I don’t know what to say to you. This is incredible. Before I came on this journey, I was like, who’s this guy? I’m definitely not going to be opening myself up to this person here, and now I feel so connected to you, and I don’t even know why, and I saw this person once. Or, and this is what I saw, the true power to change the world is to be. Who makes you feel vulnerable?

Genuinely yes.

Yes, exactly.

Yeah, there is so much strength in that vulnerability, and people don’t realize it, but they treat vulnerability like it’s bad. We can’t share it right in the Asian culture.

We’re not. We were never allowed to cry. Didn’t you know? It’s very strict. You know and showing any kind of emotion is a sign of weakness. People don’t realize that it takes a great amount of courage to be vulnerable. And if people can accept it, they can do anything. Because they’ll tap into the right group, the right community, and the right support that they need to move forward, evolve and transform. That was a beautiful story.

This show’s whole point is to be real, authentic, and raw. Do what the real thing is.

The thing that frustrates me the most is that when I walk around, and I interact with people, almost every interaction is just a complete ********. Are you doing a restaurant? Oh, I’m so happy you guys are. Today, you are the ****.

Are you happy that we’re here?

You don’t give a **** about me or my belongings, and you’re not pleased to see me like that. I like, unless you know the place I go regularly, they’ll be like, but they won’t say that to me because they know me. They’d be like Travis. What’s up, ******? Then I know. That they’re happy to see me. “I am so happy to see you,” these people say. “No, stop,” I say when they don’t know who I am. Ah, please don’t like, oh did you hear about the weather and sports? As I said, I can do this stuff for a couple of minutes. But I’m like

*** that, tell me about your dreams. Tell me about something you grabbed hold of in your life, gets you excited, rockets you to the top of the world when you, I mean, can’t do anything but light up when it happens to you. Like, tell me about that, dude. I’m just trying to have a beer. Maybe, as I previously stated, I don’t get it like I have to spend.

During a week with Carol at a Texas ranch, we get to spend real time with people. We have real conversations and really kind of unwind and unplug and just disconnect from our day-to-day lives and connect with people in a way you can’t connect with in the evening. You can’t connect with them at the weekend unless you’re doing Shrooms in the woods with Mario.

I guess you can do it. But like these things, we have all these people walking around and the programming we all go through, especially in modern society. Everyone gets programmed roughly the same way. There are a few different tweaks. Everyone’s got their little bugs, but if you like your program to be a compliant taxpayer, get a professional education or certification and then go and perform for some business. And that’s essentially the only way some people see certain things in life. I spent the last few years in the Navy talking with people like if you got injured tonight and the Navy was done for you tomorrow. What would you do?

And the first thing people always said was to get a job. I’m like, “Why do you want to get a job?” Well, I’ve got to make money, but that has nothing to do with getting a job. “What should I do?” they wonder. What do you mean, like?

You have the opportunity right now to design your ideal life. What do you want to do in the morning? What do you want to do throughout the day? Who do you want to talk to? Who do you want to spend time with? What do you want that time to look like? And also, money is earned sometime during that period, but you’re not. At a job like COVID, I did a lot of things, a lot of bad, a lot of good. But one thing it was good at was showing the world you don’t have to be tied to some stupid building across town. That was my biggest fear when I left the Navy. I was like, “I don’t want to wake up, say goodbye to my family, and drive across town to go to some stupid job that no one cares about.“

Do I want to design the life that I want to live? I want to design my life with Carol on a podcast. I want to connect with people in Germany and have real conversations like that. That’s the kind of stuff that I want to do. And so many people are stuck in whatever box they’ve been told is real. And I learned from watching the matrix that there is no spoon. Like it’s all. It’s all make-believe.

It’s all a mess. The Up construct doesn’t apply. There are no rules; you can do whatever you want.

Color outside the lines.

Yes, ******* man.

That’s what creative people are you know. So, join all the creative people around you and soak in as much as possible of their knowledge. Yes, and you know that you said something important that there are no rules.

And I agree, there are only consequences. So, if you are willing, not able, because you are able, you’re willing. If you bear any consequence, you can do whatever you want to do in this life. You could be married to either five men or five women. You know, rob a bank if that’s your thing. I’m not going to advertise for that, but if you want to, you can do that. You know, there’s a good chance you might end up in prison. If you’re willing to bear that consequence, you go right.

Yeah, if you advertise for it, then it’s pretty premeditated. You don’t want to do that.

Well, in the end, it comes down to choices.

It does every time. We live. And here’s the thing: Most people live in a state we know has learned helplessness. Oh well, I’m just, you know, if I didn’t have this doubt, if I didn’t have these fears, if I didn’t have all of that debt, then I would. It’s like, “No, you are choosing to feel how you feel.”

And I’m not sure what you mean. I didn’t choose that. Yes, you are because you choose to accept the meaning that you give to whatever you are experiencing. And that, over time, creates your emotional reality. You can look at the words. You can look at the weather and the rain and say, “Oh, thank you.” Do you know why?

For watering and nurturing, Mother Earth, or you can say, “Rain.” I hate the ******* ray.

Why does it have to be raining all the time? These are two different realities; they’re both completely real to whoever makes them. You have a choice.

So, you must become aware of my choices resulting from the reality I experience.

And then you say, OK, let me be aware of that. Now, let me make a different choice, and that takes practice. That takes consistency and might take you a week, a month, a year, or ten years. I don’t know if it’s different for everyone. But I can guarantee you it works. So, when you work with people one-on-one, do you work? Do you work with them on a personal level, on a professional level, or do you do both, because I find that really, they’re intertwined?

Yeah, yeah. So, 99.5% of my clients are business owners, entrepreneurs, or solopreneurs, and they come to me because they feel they are not fully tapped into their potential. They might be making 5K or 10K, but they want to double that or triple that, and they’re like, “You know, I know how to do it.” I’ve got the strategy, but I can’t get myself to execute it, or I am burned out. You know, I want to grow more. I want to do it. Cool, but I’m maxed out with my hours, and I just don’t know. You know how to go ahead, so we work on these things as outcomes. That’s what they want, but where the work is usually, you know, is inside, so it’s like OK, what’s your relationship with your partner like?

What does that have to do with my business? Oh, everything. Everything you know, and you know, you see people. One example is that a lot of entrepreneurs cannot draw boundaries. Right, the law of the architect. You have to free your roll-up to do what you’re meant to do in the business. As the founder and entrepreneur, you’re supposed to be the visionary, training people to take over the world. But what do most of us do as solopreneurs? Everything, and then what’s the issue? It’s not that you don’t know how to train and delegate.

You can find that on YouTube for free in 30 minutes. It’s that you’ve struggled to draw the boundary. You start with the same number. And why do you struggle to draw the boundaries because you’re struggling to do that with yourself? That’s where it starts. So, I show them. Here’s what that relationship looks like that you have with yourself. And here’s how it’s reflected with your clients, with potential clients, with your business partners, with networking groups, all of us, you know, we’re part of a bit of a network. How many people do you see when they first join in the first six months? They don’t say a word. When they come to the calls, why is it that they don’t know how to speak? No, it’s because there’s a story in their mind that says, “Well, I’m not good enough; they’re going to think I’m stupid,” you know.

Meanwhile, they have won awards. They’ve written books. They run podcasts. So, it’s all that stuff, so it’s the story they unconsciously choose to entertain, which then leads to weeks, months, and years.

And you know what they say: “Do you want to deal with this for three years or three hours?” How much money do you think you would save, and how much time if you dealt with this? So those are the things we work on, and that’s why people get all these crazy results and keep coming back. And somehow, I’m like, “No, that’s enough.” You know, I had a client right now after he watched my TEDx talk about being sick. So, we’ve been working together for six months. We’re at the three-month mark, and he’s like, yeah, so can we talk about, you know, already adding another?

I’m like, “Dude; we still had three months ago.” Is it? Yeah, but you know.

You just did your TEDx talk, and I’m like, “I don’t know what’s going on.” You’re afraid that I’m going to pay 10X my rates and you’ll have to pay me all morning. So yeah, exactly. I want to be working with you. For a while longer, I’m like, let’s just get. Through this first, and then we’ll talk about that.

But you know, these things happen, and as you grow and expand, you can only grow and expand to the capacity to tolerate that growth within yourself because it takes a lot. You know this. You know this very well. It’s like, as you grow, there’s more responsibility. That puts a lot of pressure on the situation. How do you deal with that? You need to make decisions fast.

You can no longer say, “OK, I’ll see; in two weeks, you’ll get five employees.” You get monthly costs of like 510 Cape, so you must make decisions fast. How do you make those decisions from a common collective place? You need to know the right tools, and that’s where I come in.

I love that. I love that I love everything we have said so far. I love the Carol story in South Africa, but I want to ask you as we wrap up here. As we’re getting ready to wrap up here, what would you tell people who are stuck in their place, feeling down about themselves, or don’t realize that they keep getting the same? Set circumstances because they have yet to learn the lesson they were meant to. Learn what you would say to those people.

Groundhog Day Yeah, so, first of all, it is perfect, because first of all, I would help them see that there’s no such thing. As if you were stuck. You know, unless you’re stuck in between the doors or, you know, you’re stuck between 2 trees, and you cannot physically move, then I will accept your story of being stuck. Can you pick me up here in the woods like I’m coming? I’ll bring some mushrooms so that we can have a good time. But other than that, there’s no such thing. Such a thing as being stuck. There’s no such thing as being behind because Where are you? You’re right here. Where are you? You’re always right here, and where else? What’s the time? It’s right now, so it’s not too late. It’s not too early; it’s always now because people have this idea that they should be somewhere else, which is an illusion.

And as they create that idea, what does it do? It creates anxiety. It creates a fear of failure. It creates resentment, and then what do all those three things? Do they trigger the fight or flight system when you’re in a fight or flight? Wait, is it going to be more difficult or easier for you to implement new information?

Yeah, exactly. You can’t make it more difficult.

You can’t deal with you just. You can’t even manage through. Your everyday life is less than you know.

I am trying to figure out how. You’re going to get out of it.

Yeah, imagine Carol sitting in the savanna. You know, having a nice relaxing P, and then all of a sudden, she looks to her right and sees a lion doing this. Umm, she’s not going to go, OK, let me just count carefully. Pull up my pants. Let me say, “Walk, walk, look at the lion’s strength.”

So, you’re going to pick the choice that is familiar to you, whatever that is, so that’s why people keep repeating the same thing repeatedly. Because they put themselves In a fear-driven survival state, they latch onto the safe anchor. They latch onto the cigarettes. Ah, they latch on to the drink. They latch onto me for not reaching out to potential clients because I can do this myself, and I don’t need them. To invest because that’s what they always do, and it’s just.

Keep some feelings safe.

Yeah, well, tell us what’s next for Mario.

What’s next for Mario? So, as I said in September, I’ll be heading down to South Africa, where I will be spearheading the building of a new community. A very strong community with a very powerful set of principles and laws. Furthermore, I will be at the forefront of what will precipitate this conscious shift in the nation’s mindset.

And with that comes more workshops and retreats. And a strong focus on community, building leaders with other leaders, and passing on the knowledge I was so blessed to receive from other leaders. And I will be taking some wild trips into nature for sure.

So, you’re going to take everybody down to this. At the retreat, everybody is going to do mushrooms with Mario.

This sounds like its own Tik Tok channel shrooms with Mario.

Oh man, Super Mario Insurance Yeah, yeah.

Super Mario shrooms. I love it. I hear you get bigger on mushrooms. Is that true?

I, well, I feel bigger. I’m not sure if I haven’t measured. Maybe it works, but I feel bigger on the inside. Oh, God.

We just definitely took a total leg.

No, you missed it because it was a Super Mario Brothers joke. After all, he gets bigger on mushrooms. You have a dirty mind, Carroll, a dirty mind, and we’re going to leave it here on Carroll’s dirty mind. Thank you so much for being our guest today, Mario. Where is the one place you want people to go to connect with you?

Since it’s your audience, connect with me on LinkedIn.

Since it’s my audience, Carol’s audience LinkedIn will have the link in the show notes for Mario’s LinkedIn profile. Thank you again for being our guest today, Mario.

It was a pleasing pleasure until the next time.

Thank you, Mario.